


Say I Love You

by CrazyJ



Category: GOT7, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Always Say I Love You, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bring tissues, Canon Compliant, Coma, Complete, Couple Fight, Enough Fluff to Make it Worth It, Established Taekook, GOT7 Are Good Friends, M/M, Major injuries, Mentioned GOT7 Ensemble, Minor Character Death, Minor Injuries, Panic Attack, Sick Yeontan, You might cry, car crash, injured jin, injured taehyung, injured yoongi, love is love, side yoonmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:42:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 54,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25773043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyJ/pseuds/CrazyJ
Summary: Jeongguk and Taehyung are placed into different cars on the way to the award show after a fight in the afternoon leaves everyone on edge. After not returning his “I love you,” Jeongguk watches in horror 20 minutes later as Taehyung’s vehicle gets hit right before his eyes.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Mark Tuan/Jackson Wang, Min Yoongi | Suga/Park Jimin
Comments: 187
Kudos: 626





	1. See You There

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to a new fic by little ol' me!
> 
> If this story seems familiar to you, that's because this was originally a Twitter AU that I re-wrote and adapted to AO3! Originally, this story was written with significant uses of stage names due to the lack of characters available in a tweet and often times descriptions were shortened for that reason. Switching this to AO3 has allowed me to use everyone's actual names, as well as expand on some of the descriptions to better the flow and the overall tone and feeling of the story.
> 
> With that in mind, this story is already fully written, so updates will be every few days. I'd love to hear from readers in the comments how often they'd like to see this story update: every 2 days? 4 days? Once a week? I have the chapters broken down already, so outside of editing for clarity and name changes, I should be able to have a relatively quick turnaround for whatever we decide.
> 
> But, let's not get ahead of ourselves. For now, I hope you enjoy chapter one of this story and I'll see you down in the comments to hear what you thought!
> 
> With love,  
> Jessa x

**1:13 PM**

“Oh look who it is. Nice of you to show up,” Jeongguk started bitterly as Taehyung walked into the practice room, thirteen minutes after practice was supposed to have started. “Thank you for gracing us with your presence.”

“Wow,” Taehyung retorted blandly. “Hi to you too, babe.”

“Who pissed in your cereal?” Yoongi asked with a drawl, smirking at the simultaneous eye roll and eyebrow confirmation from the two partners. “You’re awfully cranky.”

“Well, he IS late,” Jeongguk muttered, ignoring the calculating look from Namjoon and Jin who were both watching him intently.

“For your awareness,” Taehyung replied haughtily, expression dark, “Yeontan threw up after you left this morning after getting into the wrappers YOU left on the table. How dare I be late for taking care of OUR dog since you didn’t.”

“How could I take care of him if he didn’t get sick until after I left?” Jeongguk retorted, cheeks colouring instantly at the pettiness of his statement. He may be annoyed at his boyfriend, but their dog had nothing to do with that. “Is he okay?”

“Vet said he’ll be fine once he manages to go to the bathroom a few times,” Taehyung answered with a scowl. “I left him with Dr. Min so I wouldn’t be any later for practice.”

“What, your phone doesn’t work?” Jeongguk parried back, only feeling a little guilty when he saw the look of hurt flash across his partner's features.

“Your in fine form today,” Yoongi noted astutely, drawing Jeongguk's attention to him before Taehyung could reply, seeing that the younger man was clearly working himself up for a full fledged fight. “You two fight like four times a year, any reason you chose today of all days to add to the tally?”

“Can we just practice?” Taehyung sighed, running his hands through his hair and then grabbing a beanie from his jacket pocket and pulling it over his messy mop. “Like Jeongguk said, we are already starting late.”

“Oooh,” Hobi squealed, standing up with his head cocked. 

“You two ARE fighting!” He added more enthusiastically than the situation warranted, looking surprised when he realized everyone was looking at him with one raised brow. “What? Tae never calls Kookie by his full name.”

“Oh shit, you’re right,” Jimin said with a laugh, grabbing Hobi's outstretched hand and pulling himself up. “This will be fun!”

“Can we please just start?” Taehyung pleaded with a sigh, ignoring the concerned looks from the elder members and shuffling over to the music system, keeping his gaze away from the mirror and missing the look of guilt that crossed his partner's face. 

_Why does everyone else always get such amusement out of our fights, Taehyung wondered, anger licking at the edge of his conscience. Assholes._

To say practice was eventful would be an understatement. For the last few shows, Taehyung and Jeongguk had always done something cute during their shared part in DNA, Taehyung having gotten into the habit of grabbing onto Jeongguk’s hips before spinning them both around when they exchanged parts, both smiling like crazy every time.

Today, however, Taehyung carefully sidestepped his partner, not making eye contact as he spun around him, executing a body roll to make up for the missed spin and carrying on with his part, steadfastly doing everything in his power to ensure that their encounters were minimal at best throughout the entirety of practice.

But the more the two partners went out of their way to avoid each other, the more the tension in the room began to build and mistakes began to be made. Jimin, who had been watching Jeongguk intently, missed a mark not much later, taking a hand to the face and dropping to the ground in surprise.

The blood that started pouring out of his nose was enough to stop practice temporarily, at which point Taehyung stormed out of the room under the guise of going to check on Yeontan, while the remainder of the men turned to Jeongguk who looked less than pleased at the intervention.

“Yes?” He asked rudely, cheeks colouring at the disappointed look from Namjoon and quickly amending his tone. “Sorry, yes hyungs?”

“You know what we are going to ask,” Namjoon said with a frown, crossing his arms over his chest. “What the hell happened between you two?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Jeongguk muttered with a frown, looking down at the ground to avoid their knowing looks. “Not a big deal.”

“I’ll make that decision,” Namjoon responded coldly, causing Jeongguk to look up in surprise at the older man. “Considering someone already got hurt.”

“Wait, what? What does that have to do with me? I didn’t hit him, Hobi did!”

“It was an accident,” Hobi whispered sadly, looking over his shoulder towards the medical room to see if Jimin was on his way back in yet, not sensing any movement from the hallway and turning back.

“Jimin was watching you because every time Tae ignores you, you scowl and get more bent out of shape,” Namjoon pointed out, raising an eyebrow as if asking for Jeongguk to defy him. “He missed his mark trying to make sure the two of you are okay because he cares about you both and now he’s in medical. Don’t play dumb; it’s unbecoming.”

“I’m not playing dumb,” Jeongguk muttered under his breath, though he at least had the common sense to look guilty as he said it. “It’s just annoying that whenever we fight, everyone else has to get involved as well.”

“We are around each other 24/7, what do you expect?”

“Some privacy?” Jeongguk bit back, leaning back against the wall and crossing his own arms. “It’s not the end of the world, I’m sure we’ll work it out later once he’s done being a child.”

“Are you sure about that?” Jin asked with a curious expression on his face.

“Sure about what?”

“Well considering Taehyung was so frustrated he was angry crying when he left, and you just sat and watched him go with your big sad doe eyes, I have a feeling you are more worried than you are letting on,” Jin pointed out knowingly. “And also you never yell at your hyungs - ever.”

“Things can change,” Jeongguk answered quietly, so quietly that if the other men hadn’t been boxing him in against the wall, they wouldn’t have heard him say it. 

“Look,” Jeongguk started, trying to collect his thoughts just as Jimin re-entered the room, waiting for him to join their huddle before he continued.

“Taehyung....Tae said some things last night in bed that were really hurtful,” Jeongguk admitted, refusing to make eye contact with the others. “He didn’t mean them in a bad way, but it still hurt that he believed what he was saying and he either didn’t care or didn’t realize it was hurting me because he kept talking, even when I was visibly uncomfortable with the conversation.”

“He’s right what he said, but there’s nothing I can do about it, so it seemed pointless to bring it up and he knows that. I just...”

“Don’t want to be reminded that you two are a secret couple?” Yoongi guessed.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk replied sadly. “I fucking hate it.”

“Kook...” Hobi trailed off, his face falling. “You know how much the rest of us hate it too. If it were under our control you would have come out already.”

“Yes well,” Jeongguk replied, hackles rising as he thought of the fight from this morning. “Tell that to Taehyung.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Apparently,” Jeongguk said with air quotation marks, “I should have pushed harder when the discussion came up ‘if I really cared about us being together.’ As if this is somehow my fault that we are a closeted couple.”

“Not like being gay is a highly contentious issue in Korea or anything,” Jeongguk continued angrily before anyone else could weigh in. “But oh no babe, we should have tried harder, we should have done more, we could be out right now blah blah blah.”

“And how would that go Taehyung? Hm?” Jeongguk questioned fiercely, looking at the other five men. “There's five other people we have to consider here, not just us. This could ruin our careers. So I'm not sure what he expects me to do about it since he signed the seven year contact extension as well!”

“Ah,” Joon said softly after a moment, seemingly lost in thought. “That makes more sense.”

“Does it?” Jimin asked, turning to look back and forth between the two. 

“Yes, Taehyung came to me the other day about this, it must be on his mind still.”

“So why is he yelling at me about it if he’s already talked to you?” Jeongguk asked bitterly, though he did check his phone briefly while he waited for an answer to see if there was anything from Tae saying whether he was coming back or telling him that Tannie was okay.

“Give him some time,” Joon noted cryptically. “I think you’ll be surprised what comes out of this.”

“In the meantime, everyone else just leave them alone. Jeongguk’s right, it’s a private matter between them, unless they come to us, let’s just drop it for the time being, okay?”

“Sure thing,” they all chimed, dismantling the huddle and walking away to get some water, but not without looking back at Jeongguk to see the confused and sad expression present on his face, or the fact that the call to Taehyung in his hand was going unanswered.

***

“How could you be so irresponsible?!” Taehyung near-shouted as Jeongguk entered the room, his eyes wet with unshed tears. 

“Tae...” Jeongguk replied sadly, holding his hands up in defence as he paused to take in the surroundings of the hospital room.

“You know dogs are allergic to chocolate!” Taehyung shouted, watching as Jeongguk’s eyes fell when he saw Tannie hooked up to a machine beside where Tae sat. “Why the hell would you leave an OPENED chocolate bar on the table you idiot?”

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk whispered, feeling his throat tighten up at the sight of his furious boyfriend and the small bundle of fur that was Yeontan who had just finished getting his stomach pumped and now somehow managed to look even smaller in the makeshift hospital bed.

“What were you thinking!?” Taehyung pushed again, eyes ablaze with emotion as he stared determinedly at his partner.

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk said again, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “I wasn’t in the right head space this morning. I didn’t think of it.”

“Yes, well you ‘not thinking of it,’” Taehyung spat, “is the reason my dog just had to get his stomach pumped, you irresponsible asshole.”

“Oh, so he’s your dog now?” Jeongguk replied quietly after a moment, though there was no heat or malice to his question.

“Hmph,” Taehyung huffed in lieu of answering, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning back in the chair defensively, noting the tense line of Jeongguk’s shoulders and the big doe eyes which were not looking at him, but were instead locked on Yeontan beside them.

“That was petty,” Taehyung admitted after a few minutes had passed, Jeongguk still standing in the same place he had since he entered the room. “Of course he’s our dog. I just can’t believe you were so irresponsible as to leave something that could harm him out in the open.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jeongguk repeated once more, taking a step into the room and collapsing onto the floor beside Tannie’s bed, leaning back against the wall and pulling his knees up to his chest. “You’re right. I fucked up. I’m sorry Tae. But please know I would never intentionally hurt our baby.”

Opening his mouth to continue, Jeongguk seemed to think better of it, closing it with an audible snap and lowering his chin to his chest, avoiding Taehyung’s eyes so he wouldn’t see him trying to battle his emotions between them, emotions which were currently all over the place and a complete mess in his head.

“Thank you,” Taehyung said sometime later, Jeongguk looking up to see his face and noting that his anger had seemed to dissolve into some form of resigned defeat. “I just want him to be okay.”

“I know love,” Jeongguk replied softly. “Me too. Me too.”

“Hello gentlemen,” Dr. Min greeted as he entered the room, nodding at both men before crossing over to Yeontan’s bed and checking his vitals on the machine.

“How’s he doing, doc?” Taehyung asked a moment later, biting his thumb anxiously as he tried to get a sense of Yeontan's condition.

“How long have you been in here?” Dr. Min asked Taehyung, picking up the clipboard off the edge of the bed. 

“About two and a half hours,” Taehyung said sadly, feeling guilty about walking out of practice, though only a little bit. “Tannie’s been here for two.”

“Has he thrown up at all? Any bowel movements, anything?”

“No Dr. Min-nim.”

“Well then Taehyung,” the doc said turning to face him directly. “I’d say with that in mind, that the worst of it has likely passed.”

“Oh thank fuck,” Taehyung muttered under his breath, pulling an amused chuckle from Dr. Min and a half smirk from Jeongguk who knew better than to break the amicable silence he and Taehyung had developed. “Can we take him home now?”

“You have an award show tonight, correct?” Dr. Min deduced, turning his head slightly to verify on the artist's calendar by the door.

“Yes,” both men said simultaneously, looking at each other with wide eyes before turning their attention back to the vet.

“In that case, I’d like to keep Yeontan overnight for observation,” Dr. Min noted astutely. “If you won’t be home to keep an eye on him, and you can’t miss the show since you are performing, let me take care of him for tonight and you can come get him in the morning.”

“Thank you Dr. Min-nim,” Jeongguk said as he moved to stand, cutting off Taehyung’s protests which he knew were warranted, but ultimately useless since the vet was right about their situation. “We’d both really appreciate that. Thank you for taking care of him.”

“You’re welcome son,” Dr. Min said with a thoughtful expression after a beat of silence, holding a hand out which Jeongguk gladly shook, watching as the doctor did the same with Tae a moment later and feeling an immense sadness at the haunted look in Tae’s eyes that he had inadvertently caused.

“Now, you boys should probably go get ready. It’s already 4 PM and I heard the cars were leaving at 5:30,” Dr. Min said with a smile as he grabbed the door knob and pulled it open. “And Jeongguk?”

“Yes Dr. Min-nim?”

“Eat the whole thing next time, yeah?”

“Yes sir, will do,” Jeongguk responded regretfully, looking down at his shoes and missing the look that flashed across Tae’s face before he masked it. “Thank you again.”

“Have a good show gentlemen,” Dr. Min winked as he exited the room, pulling the door closed behind him.

“I can’t even think about the show right now,” Jeongguk muttered aloud to himself, scrunching his facial features before running a hand through his hair and letting out a long sigh. “I guess I’ll head out then?”

“You say that like we don’t live together,” Taehyung countered with his own sigh.

“You don’t really seem to be in the mood to be around me,” Jeongguk retorted softly, slipping his hands into his pockets as he awkwardly waited for Taehyung to reply. 

“No, but you are still my partner and we still live together,” Taehyung said with yet another sigh, this time quieter. “Let me just say goodbye.”

Jeongguk nodded, watching as the older man leaned down onto the bed, planting a series of kisses onto Yeontan’s head and snout, feeling the corner of his own lips pull up at the little snuffles Tannie made in response which couldn’t possibly not be adorable, even considering the situation.

“May I kiss him goodbye too, or will that make you uncomfortable?” Jeongguk asked genuinely, ignoring the exaggerated eye roll Taehyung sent his way as he did and the pang it sent through his chest at the sight, stepping around his partner so he could also place a few kisses on Yeontan's head. “See you tomorrow, Tannie boy.”

“All good then?” He asked a little awkwardly as he straightened up and the silence stretched out between them, trying to figure out what expression was currently occupying his boyfriends features and being unable to decipher what he saw there. “Should we head out?”

“Yeah,” Tae said sadly, turning back to look at Tan. “I guess so.”

“Babe?” Jeongguk cringed, knowing how small his voice sounded right now, glad Taehyung was facing the other way and hadn't been able to see his expression.

“Hmm?”

“I really am sorry.”

“Me too Kooks,” Tae agreed with a sad smile, turning back as he answered. “Let’s just go home. We’ll deal with everything else later.”

**5:22 PM**

"You know, it's really not like them to be late," Hoseok said aloud, straining his neck in all directions to see if he could catch a glimpse of Taehyung or Jeongguk on their way in. "Do you think they are okay?"

"Tae texted me earlier," Jimin informed them, pulling open Taehyung's message as he said it. "He said they weren't able to finish with the vet until 4 and then it took them awhile to get home with traffic. That was at 4:40 so probably on their way."

"Technically they aren't late yet," Jin pointed out just to be a smartass, smirking at the subsequent eye-roll from almost all of the members. "They still have....six and a half minutes before we are scheduled to leave."

"Pedantics," Hobi waved off with a flick of his wrist.

"Semantics you mean?" Jin giggled, breaking into a hearty laugh when Hobi's cheeks coloured at his mistake.

"Yeah, yeah, leave me alone, I'm just a nice boy."

"The nicest," Jin replied genuinely, looking to his left and catching sight of Taehyung and Jeongguk. "Oh look!"

"Sorry we're late guys, been a crazy afternoon," Taehyung started as the two men neared, the remaining five men instantly noting the tight line of their shoulders and the two foot distance between the pair of them, both highly unusual things when it came to the couple.

"Technically," Jin pointed out, laughing when Jimin, Hobi, Yoongi and Joon simultaneously groaned in exasperation, "we aren't scheduled to leave until 5:30, so you two had five minutes to spare."

"Semantics," Jeongguk said with a dismissive wave of his hand, moving to stand beside Jin and Joon, both of whom he regularly went to for comfort.

"Why couldn't he have gotten it wrong?" Hobi muttered darkly under his breath, ignoring the giggle that slipped through Jimin's lips beside him.

"Alright gentlemen," their director summoned suddenly from behind them, pulling everyone out of their respective thoughts and up to attention.

"We've got two cars going to the venue tonight," he continued, motioning to the two Hyundai Pallisade's behind them all. "Hyundai wanted to show off some of the colours so we'll be splitting you up. Don't care how, just get in and get ready to leave please."

"Yes sir," the boys responded dutifully, turning around to examine the black and navy blue vehicles behind them.

"I definitely want blue," Hobi declared happily, walking away from the group and towards the aforementioned vehicle.

"I'm coming too!" shouted Jimin as he followed.

“I’ll take black,” Yoongi declared to mix things up, disentangling himself from the half circle and walking towards his selected transport. 

“Tae, why don’t you and Jin go with him?” Joon suggested, looking between Taehyung and Jeongguk who hadn’t moved any closer together, even after the circle of members had gotten smaller.

“But...w-we always go together,” Jeongguk defended, frowning at the very thought.

“Yes, but it looks like you could still use some time,” Joon replied wisely, watching as the two men looked down at their shoes instead of each other which said everything he needed to know.

“It’s like, 15 KM,” Jin said with a laugh, in a weirdly good mood as he tried to diffuse the heavy tension hanging in the air. “Let’s go Tae, you can sit with Uncle Jin for tonight’s ride.”

“Wait, why are you my uncle in this scenario?” Taehyung questioned as Jin put his arm around his shoulder and began to lead them away.

“And they call me weird,” Taehyung continued exasperatedly with a shake of his head as Jin launched into a story explaining how he had become his Uncle, stopping briefly to turn back and look at Joon and his boyfriend. “Uh, see you there I guess?”

“Sounds good Tae,” Joon replied, casting a look at Jeongguk and nudging him subtly.

“See you there, Tae,” Jeongguk said quietly with a sad smile, looking up to make eye contact with the older man and seeing the conflicted expression on his partner’s face. 

“Love you,” Taehyung mumbled, hesitating for a few long seconds before realizing that Jeongguk wasn’t going to say it back, his face crestfallen before he slipped a neutral expression over top to cover.

“See you there,” Jeongguk repeated in lieu of answering, turning towards the cars and walking to the blue Pallisade at the back, climbing into the middle row, but not without catching the sad look that crossed Taehyung’s face before he was being led away to the second vehicle.

"That's not like you," Namjoon said in a hushed tone sometime later, less than halfway through their drive. "I don't think I've ever heard you not return an 'I love you.'"

"He didn't mean it," Jeongguk smiled sadly, turning to subtly check over his shoulder at Hobi and Jimin in the back.

"You get into another fight?" 

"Yeah, when we got home. Tae saw the wrapper on the table and lost his shit again. I know he's upset about Tannie and the fact we can't bring him home tonight, but I think he feels more like he's being a bad father."

"When you two get to that stage," Joon said honestly, waiting until Jeongguk was looking at him to continue. "You two are going to be the best fathers around. I promise you."

"Yeah?" Jeongguk replied with a smile, sniffing slightly in the stale air of the new car. "You think?"

"No Kook, I know you will. I'm sorry that Tae got upset again, but I am glad that you recognized that it wasn't at you this time, but more directed inwards at himself."

"Didn't feel like it was directed at himself," Jeongguk muttered, though he knew Namjoon was right.

"I should probably text him," Jeongguk said aloud when Namjoon didn't continue speaking, adjusting in his seat to pull his phone out of his inner-jacket pocket. "Hey babe, I know you hate me right now, but love you too."

"I might just stick with 'I love you'" Joon laughed.

"Are all maknae's this annoying all the time?" he continued, shaking his head with a smile and looking out the window to his left to watch as the vehicles began crossing the bridge over the Han river. "I swear!"

"Yes," Jimin said with a giggle from the back seat in place of Jeongguk, having just tuned in to the conversation. "We are."

"Music lords have mercy," Joon said more to himself than anyone else as Jimin sat back and carried on his conversation with Hobi, watching with a thoughtful expression in the reflection of the window before him as Jeongguk typed briefly on his phone, eyes focused downwards.

Jeongguk on the other hand, was fixated entirely on his phone, typing, deleting and retyping the message over and over again, changing his tactics several times until finally settling on a simple "I love you too, btw," hitting send just as a horrific screech tore through the air.

Lurching forward in their seats, seat belts constricting across their chests as their driver slammed on the brakes, the four men and their driver watched in unified horror as the SUV in front of them continued through the intersection, a truck running through the lights and striking the side of the black Hyundai Pallisade, the screeching intensifying as the car resisted gravity on it's two right tires before suddenly giving out and flipping across the road, directly over the barrier on the bridge as Jeongguk let out a terrified and wild **"NO!"**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins!
> 
> If you took a moment to read the beginning notes you would have seen that this story is fully written! I'd love to hear what people thought of this intro chapter and how often they'd like to see this story updated, so a kudos and a comment go a long way to helping me get a sense of how many people are actively interested in this.
> 
> There's a lot of angst upcoming, but from reactions I received on Twitter, I've done my best to handle everything delicately and make this story as raw and real as possible. Let me know what you thought and thank you so much for the support!
> 
> Come say hi on socials, all my best! J x
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JessaJessJ) | [Tumblr](https://hobrerek.tumblr.com/) | [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/CrazyJWrites)


	2. Flashes

****

**  
9:48 PM**

Flashes. That was all that Jeongguk could recall from the last few hours.

 _Flash:_ Throwing the door open, throat raw from screaming as he ran towards the scene of the accident.

 _Flash:_ Being pulled back just in time as the SUV burst into flames.

 _Flash:_ Jin's body being pulled from the wreckage.

 _Flash:_ The SUV being doused with a substance to stop the flames.

 _Flash:_ Namjoon’s arms tight around his chest, Jimin and Hobi's hands holding his as the firefighters started using the jaws of life on the vehicle.

 _Flash:_ A piercing shriek as the vehicle shifted from the weight of the machine.

 _Flash:_ Firefighters cutting a hole in the roof.

 _Flash:_ Wailing as the troop of ambulances got closer.

 _Flash:_ Yoongi being pulled unconscious from the vehicle.

 _Flash:_ Someone calling for an oxygen machine.

 _Flash:_ Eyes too blurry to even see anything anymore.

 _Flash:_ Literally, as paparazzi arrived to the scene in droves.

 _Flash:_ A firefighter climbing into the wreck while the rest held the vehicle.

 _Flash:_ Tae's broken body.

Now, Jeongguk sat in the waiting room that the hospital had designated for BTS and their families, eyes downcast as he sat forward in his seat, hands clasped tightly in his lap, head down below his shoulders as he slumped, a fresh wave of tears staining his cheeks once more.

No one spoke as the door opened and closed as people came and went, calls being made to the three members parents, though all seven sets were on their way to the hospital already, the news being all over radio, TV and social media.

In the background, Jeongguk could hear the soft murmur of the reporter discussing the crash behind him, though he was only half-listening, along with Jimin, Hobi and Namjoon who all mirrored the same look of shock on their faces that they had since they had gotten to the hospital.

"BigHit put out an announcement confirming the news of the crash at approximately 7:40 PM KST time," the reporter could be heard saying on the TV. "The last update at 9 informed the public that all three members are currently in surgery and are listed as being in critical condition."

"At this point, doctor's are working tirelessly to take necessary measures to save the three men, though an insider who asked not to be identified has informed us that the condition of at least one of the three men is significantly worse than the others."

"For now though, fans and idols alike wait anxiously for another update, which BigHit has said will not be until after the three men are out from surgery or have succumbed to their injuries. In the meantime, all major social media platforms are blowing up with hashtags and messages of support from concerned fans and industry professionals alike."

Looking up at the screen, Jeongguk watched as the segment faded and a picture of the three friends was shown in place of the reporter's face, the message "Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi and Kim Taehyung in critical condition following accident" scrolling across the screen, taunting him.

"Can you turn that off?" Jeongguk asked with a hoarse voice, his vocal chords damaged from the strength of his screams from earlier and the smoke that he had inhaled trying to help get his friends out of the SUV.

"Sure, Kooks," Hoseok responded softly, turning around in his seat and reaching up to press the power button, leaning back in his chair when he was finished and pulling his legs up to his chest so he could wrap himself in his arms.

"What are we going to do?" Jimin whispered into the quiet room a few minutes later, no one having spoken outside of Jeongguk's request for several hours. "I..."

"I don't know, Jimin," Namjoon responded before Jimin could complete his sentence, seeing the tears that were building up in the younger’s eyes.

"I know this isn't going to make you feel better, but there is literally nothing we can do right now but wait until we get an update," Joon whimpered, sniffling loudly and rubbing at his eyes as he tried to keep his emotions in check. "Just fucking wait."

"I want them to be okay so badly," Jimin said quietly, smiling through his tears when Hobi reached out to intertwine their hands on Jimin's lap. "I'd give anything for them to be okay. My house. My career. Anything. As long as it meant they got to wake up."

"Me too," Hoseok replied, nodding in agreement as he and Jimin stared at each other before promptly bursting into tears. "I didn't even say goodbye. I just thought, 'hey, see you in 30 minutes' and then got into the car. Why didn't I think to say goodbye?"

"How could you have known?" Namjoon spoke aloud, sitting up in his seat and leaning his head back against the wall. "It was just supposed to be a simple ride to the show, we'd perform, go home and that would be it. It wasn't supposed to be like...this..."

"I..." Jeongguk started, eyes welling up with tears as he tried to wipe them away, only replacing them with fresh tears before eventually giving up and letting them fall freely. "I..."

"Jeongguk, you can't," Namjoon said knowingly, his voice strict. "This isn't your fault."

"What?" Hobi gasped between sniffles, looking in confusion between Joon and Jeongguk on opposite sides of the waiting room, Jeongguk having placed himself into the corner as soon as they had arrived a few hours earlier.

"It's my fault," Jeongguk whispered.

"How is it your fault, Kooks?" Hobi asked gently, starting to move closer and then thinking better of it and sitting back down. "You weren't driving that truck."

"I didn't tell him I loved him," Jeongguk admitted. "People always say you should always say I love you in case..."

"In case?"

"In case something happens and the other person dies and the last thing that you said to them was something rude because you are fighting or something," Jeongguk shrugged guiltily, not looking up.

"I didn't tell him I loved him back. And now he's going to die."

"Don't say that! Don't fucking say that," Jimin shouted suddenly, causing Namjoon and Hoseok to jump as he stood up in a flash and stormed across the room to shove his hands into Jeongguk's chest. "Don't fucking give up on them before they are gone."

"Did you see them?!" Jeongguk shouted back, standing up so he could use his height to intimidate the smaller man. "Did you see their bodies as they came out? Did that look fucking normal to you? Or did you somehow miss the car being on fire for four minutes?"

"They are going to be okay!" Jimin screamed, pulling on his hair instead of hitting Jeongguk, though he was close as the younger man panted only inches from his face. "The best doctors in Korea are here. At least they are fucking trying."

"What good does that do me?" Jeongguk screamed back, throwing his arms up in the air. "All it's doing is fucking prolonging the inevitable and you know it Jimin. There's no way he survives that, there's no fucking way."

"You seem to forget that there were four of them in that car," Jimin replied coldly, body stilling as his voice turned to ice. "I know you are concerned about your boyfriend right now and I get that, but Yoongi and Jin matter too you selfish prick."

"I-I...." Jeongguk stammered, feeling Jimin's words like a punch directly to his heart, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water as he tried to process what the other man had just said.

"Leave it," Jimin spat, turning to go back to his seat. "Asshole."

"Jimin, I'm sorry," Jeokgguk whispered, dropping to the floor in a heap, his eyes wide with the accusation as his tears turned from anger to anguish. "I just...since that reporter...she said one of them was worse. He was in the car for so long..."

"I love them all so much Chimmy. I think...I think Jin will be okay, we got him out pretty fast. B-but Yoongi and..."

Suddenly, the shock seemed to wear off as Jeongguk burst into uncontrollable sobs, his heart breaking into a million pieces as he let his sentence trail off.

"Shhh," Jimin cooed, turning back and instantly wrapping his arms around the younger male, pulling him tightly against his chest, anger dissipating as he watched their golden maknae fall apart. "Shh baby, I know. I know. It's okay, just let it out."

"Why does it hurt so bad?" Jeongguk asked between sobs, looking up.

"It's going to hurt for a long time, Kooks," Namjoon said softly with what he hoped was a reassuring smile as he knelt down on the floor to Jeongguk's right, throwing an arm around each man and leaning his wet face against theirs.

"But we'll be together through it all," Hobi added as he came in from the left, kneeling down and wrapping his arms around everyone until he was touching all three.

"All we can do now, is hug each other, tell our loved ones how much we love them and be there for each other. No more pointless fighting, no more self-blame, no more accusations. Unless you were driving that truck, you are not at fault for what happened here."

"I love you guys, each of you. And I love Jin. I love Yoongi and I love Taehyung too. Three of my brothers are fighting for their lives right now and I really don't know what to do," Namjoon admitted between hiccuped cries, breaking down between speeches. "But we can't let go of each other. We just can't."

"Yeah," Hobi agreed, hiding his face in Jimin's neck. "I love you guys."

"I love you guys," Jimin echoed, looking up at the sky and praying to anyone who was listening that his brothers would wake up. That they'd be okay. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Jeongguk said finally, after managing to catch his breath some time later. "Please don't ever leave me. I need you guys. Please stay with me."

"We know, Kooks, and we will,” Joon replied gently. "We're all in this - together."

**3:31 AM**

The door opened softly as Bang PD entered the room, eyes downcast as he took in the scene in front of him.

Leaning against one wall, Namjoon had his long legs tucked up onto the chair he was sitting in, his jacket spread over top of him as he held his arms around himself, gaze focused on the blank screen.

Across from him on the same line of chairs sat Hobi in the same position, except the dancer's eyes were closed, though the puffiness around them was obvious.

On the other side of the room sat Jeongguk and Jimin, both boys wrapped around each other on a set of chairs, limbs intertwined.

So intertwined were they that Bang PD genuinely had trouble trying to ascertain where one man began and the other one ended as he looked on at the pair. Sensing his arrival, all four men turned to face him with large, expectant eyes, though the undercurrent of fear was clear in all of them.

"Hello gentlemen," Bang started, moving to enter the room fully and letting the door close behind him before he continued. "How's everyone holding up?"

"We're not dead," Hobi replied cryptically, morphing his features a few times as he battled with a wave of emotions at his own words.

"No, you're not dead," Bang reaffirmed. "Which is actually what I am here for."

Without having said anything, all four men turned to their director, backs straightening and eyes focused, breaths held tightly as tears sprung up, waiting to be released as soon as news was given.

"Not like that boys," Bang noted with a sad smile that didn't reach his eyes when he realized their concern. "No one is out of surgery yet. But Park Young the driver, he....he's passed away from his injuries."

"Oh," whispered Jimin, releasing his breath and feeling guilty as he did so.

"He was a good man," Namjoon said after a moment of silence, swallowing audibly before looking around the room. "He's been one of our drivers for what? Three years now?"

"About that," Bang PD confirmed.

"Doesn't he have three kids?" Hoseok asked, dabbing at his eyes.

"Yes, police and a team of medical staff are going to notify their family as we speak."

"Are they here?" Namjoon questioned, moving to sit up in the chair completely.

"They are on another floor, along with some of your parents who have gotten in.”

"Our parents are here?" Joon gasped, surprise colouring his tone.

"Yes, we called them all to let them know about the accident as soon as we heard. We assumed only Jin, Yoongi and Taehyung's parents would want to come, but all of your parents wanted to be here to support you and each other. They are all downstairs waiting for the rest to come."

"Who all is here?" Joon pushed, grabbing his phone from his pocket and staring at the black screen, wondering if he should turn it on.

"All of them have arrived now," Bang said after a moment. "Some issues with transport for Jimin and Jeongguk's parents, so we rented a plane."

"B-but...Taehyung's parents....Yoongi's parents....they're here?" Jeongguk asked, looking up at Bang with wide eyes and begging him to see the fear in his eyes.

"Yes son, they are here. But no, no one has told them that side of things."

"They still don't know?" Hobi found himself pouting, looking at Jeongguk and seeing the flash of shame spread across his features. "Hey Kook, it's okay man, it's not a big deal you know."

"It IS a big deal though," Jeongguk replied sadly. "Their son might die and they don't even know that he's..."

"That he's?"

"That he's gay and in a relationship with a band member," Jeongguk spoke slowly, sniffing and taking a deep breath in before releasing. "Even though we've been together for over two years now."

"Do your parents know?" Joon questioned, though he knew the answer and was just hoping to keep the youngest man talking.

"I'm pretty sure my parents would disown me if they found out I was gay," Jeongguk responded after a long period of silence stretched out. "If I go down there...I'm not sure they'll believe that I am this upset just because of an accident."

"Why wouldn't they?" Jimin asked with a huff, tensing up to defend Jeongguk before realizing what he was doing.

"They are just like that," Jeongguk said after another pause. "Old fashioned. They'd never understand."

"Same with Yoongi's parents," he continued thoughtfully. "Yoongi was going to tell them when he went home for Christmas, but his dad said something about how gays should be banned from Korea so he decided to leave it."

"It's such horse shit," Hobi spat, surprising himself.

"It shouldn't matter that you guys are gay. You are all beautiful people with so much love for the world and the people around you and you make a difference in people's lives. Why should your sexuality define how proud of you they are? It's so fucking stupid."

"I agree, Hoseok," Bang replied, pulling everyone's attention back to him as Hobi's cheeks coloured in embarrassment, having forgotten he was there. "And as much as I want to say you should just tell them, now is likely not the time."

"What if one of them does pass away though?" Joon grimaced, looking at Jeongguk before looking back at their director. "Don't they deserve to know the truth about their son?"

"At this stage, Namjoon, if anyone tells them, I'd rather it be their sons themselves."

"What do you think is going to happen?" Jimin asked, placing his chin on Jeongguk's shoulder and squeezing his arms around him tight, the words 'passed away' ringing loudly in their ears. "That makes it sound like you think they'll wake up."

"Over the years," Bang started, clearing his throat to get rid of the blockage that seemed to be building there. "I've come to think of you men as my sons. This accident...I feel like I am about to lose three of my kids. I can't think any other way right now. I just can't."

"We think of you as a father figure as well," Joon responded gently, reaching out and placing a hand onto Bang's arm. "We're all in this together."

"Yes," Bang responded, clearing his throat and looking skywards before continuing.

"But outside of that, Park Young's family is in mourning and they need our support. I know this is an incredibly difficult time for all of you right now, and quite understandably, but I wanted to know if anyone would be willing to go speak with them and offer their condolences."

"Of course," Joon replied without hesitation. "I'd be more than happy to go. I'd like to offer them some money as well, pay for the funeral. If that's okay of course."

"BigHit will pay for all of that," Bang said with a smile, this time reaching his eyes at the leader’s thoughtfulness.

"But that's very kind of you and if you all want to pitch in a little money for a scholarship fund for their three boys, I'm sure that would be very appreciated."

"We can do that for sure," Hobi confirmed quietly, looking over at Jimin and Jeongguk who both nodded in agreement.

"Anything for Park Young, he was a good man."

"Thank you gentlemen," Bang replied genuinely. "There are class acts and then there are you seven. I am honoured to be your director."

"Thank you, Bang PD," all four men replied in unison, smriking amongst themselves.

"I guess that means we should go say hi to our parents?" Jeongguk pointed out after everyone had settled down, phrasing it as more of a question than a statement.

"It'll be okay Jeongguk," Namjoon encouraged soothingly. "You have every right to be upset right now. Don't panic, okay?"

"You'll have our support," Bang tacked on, stepping forward and placing a hand on the younger man's shoulders. "For now, just go give your mom and dad a hug and support each other, that's all you can do for now."

"And then hopefully," he added after taking a deep breath. "Hopefully we hear word soon on how everyone is holding up. But until then, let's head downstairs, shall we?"

"Yes sir," Jeongguk answered quietly, standing up and following Bang out of the room.

_So why was it that even though they were just heading down to see their own family, Jeongguk's stomach suddenly felt like it had turned to lead?_

_Love you so much Kim Taehyung, he thought as they walked, breath held between his lips. Please come back to me soon._

"Just this way," Bang indicated as they exited the staircase, Bang having gone ahead to make sure that the coast was clear.

While a security detail had been set up late yesterday evening, there were still thousands of fans who had congregated outside of the hospital.

As time passed, the men learned that the number of fans outside was growing, despite the early time of morning. Eventually, an event security team was hired when the number crossed 2,000, simply to collect gifts from fans and keep people out of the way of emergency vehicles.

While security and hospital personnel had informed the group that they had moved other patients out of this wing to give the band their privacy, it was always better to be cautious in moments such as these.

"They are just in here," Bang pointed, stopping in front of a door to knock.

"Are you guys ready?"

"Yes sir," Namjoon said with a convincing smile and a nod. "He was a good man. This is the right thing to do."

Nodding, Bang turned the knob and pushed the door open, stepping aside so the other four men could filter in before him.

Before them, four small shapes were huddled in the corner holding each other, Park Young's wife being a petite Korean woman who was no more than five feet tall. Beside her, their eldest son held their youngest son, while their daughter sat stroking her mom's face comfortingly.

"Park Ha Yoon," Namjoon started softly, catching everyone's attention and blinking in surprise when their youngest son ran over and clutched onto his leg.

"Is he gone, is he really gone?" The young boy sobbed, looking up at Namjoon with wide eyes and leaving him at a loss of words.

Bending down before he answered so he was closer to the six year old's height, Namjoon placed a gentle hand on either side of the boys hips before he spoke, leaning into the comforting hand placed on his shoulder from behind.

"Yes Hwan, I'm so sorry, your papa has gone to see the angels."

"Will he come back?" the young boy wailed, crossing his arms over his face.

"No Hwan, but that doesn't mean you won't see him again," Namjoon replied as soothingly as he could. "Many years from now you will meet your father again and he'll be waiting to greet you."

"When?" the boy questioned, wiping his snotty nose on his arm-sleeve, though his loud sobs began to quiet, turning into hiccuping breaths as the boy listened attentively.

"Many years from now, after you are old and grey, after you've had kids of your own and you've lived a good life, that's when you will see your father again, waiting for you with the other angels. He's gone now, but he is still with you Hwan, okay?" Namjoon answered gently.

"That's so long from now though," Hwan said with a pout, rubbing at his eyes, lowering his hands when Joon stopped him to do it himself, taking a kleenex from the table beside him and using it to dab at the young boy's tears. "I'm only six. Old people live to like 200!"

"I don't think you'll have to wait quite that long," Namjoon said with a gentle laugh, rubbing Hwan's hair and standing up when the younger boy turned to walk back towards his mother. "Ha Yoon, please, let us offer our condolences. We are so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you Namjoon, I know you all cared about him which gives me some peace. He loved his job very dearly and took great pride in it."

"You are so strong, Park Ha Yoon," Jimin noted, stepping forward so he was in line with Namjoon. "I don't know how you are holding it together."

"The duties of being a mother," Ha Yoon replied cryptically, though she nodded at Jimin in appreciation for his comment.

"Park Young was a good man," Hobi added as he stepped forward. "Always took the time to see how our day was going and always played the best music in the car."

"Yes," Ha Yoon agreed with a laugh, turning to pull her daughter against her. "He always came home saying he had to find the best next music to play for you all on your next trip. He spent many hours online listening to new things."

"It was the best," Hoseok replied genuinely. "I will never forget that."

"Park H-h-ha Yoon," Jeongguk stuttered, looking down as his cheeks flushed red for mispronouncing her name. "I'm so sorry for your loss. Your husband he..."

"He?" she pushed gently, giving the young man time to find his words.

"Did he, erm, ever mention anything about me and Tae?"

"Just that you were very close," Ha Yoon responded, a knowing glint in her eyes as she waited for Jeongguk to respond.

"Yes, well, you see, um, me and...er, Tae, we are, um. You know. I mean, we're-"

"Together you mean?" Ha Yoon cut off, watching the boys eyes widen in fear before settling in a more neutral expression as the seconds passed.

"Yes," Jeongguk finally settled on, gulping audibly in the quiet room. "When Tae and I first got together we sometimes wanted to run away just to be together. Park Young would let us hide in the limo as long as we were quiet and didn't do anything...well, you know. Bad?"

"You've always been so innocent, Jeongguk," Ha Yoon replied with a soft laugh, though her eyes sparkled at the thought of her late husband allowing two young boys to make out in the back of his car so they could get away from prying eyes. "That certainly sounds like my husband."

"He was a very good man," Jeongguk continued, bowing his head out of respect to the family. "We will miss him greatly."

"Thank you gentlemen," Ha Yoon stated after a moment of quiet had passed, reaching out to stroke her eldest's hair, the only one who understood what had happened out of the three kids.

"We'd also like to let you know that we are going to set up a scholarship fund for your children, Ha Yoon," Namjoon tacked on, bowing his head and waiting for the other three men and Bang to follow suit. "It is the least we can do for you during this time."

"Oh, thank you!" Ha Yoon cried out, covering her mouth in surprise as tears started to flow down her cheeks, her composure shaking for the first time since the men had entered the room as she tried to digest Namjoon’s words. "I...I can't thank you enough!"

"Please don't thank us, it's the least we can do. You have enough to worry about moving forward here, but your children's schooling will not be one of them," Namjoon told her with a kind expression. "Please let us know if we can do anything more."

"No, no everyone, thank you. That is such a weight off my shoulders to know my babies will be taken care of," Ha Yoon said quietly, dabbing at her eyes with a scrunched up tissue and then pulling her three kids into her arms. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome," Bang replied, stepping forward to pull the attention to him. "I'll come back and speak with you more later Ha Yoon, BigHit would also like to offer you some compensation to help take care of your family. Park Young was a great man. He will be missed."

"Thank you all," Ha Yoon replied sincerely, sensing that the conversation was coming to a close and nudging her children gently who echoed her sentiments.

"Please, take some time to rest," Bang continued, nodding his head at her. "I'll be back later and we can discuss further."

Waving goodbye with subdued expressions, the four men turned and exited the room, waiting for Bang to follow them into the hallway before he carried on four doors, stopping to look at the four of them before lifting his hand and knocking loudly on the door.

A few seconds passed in which Bang seemingly waited for some sort of confirmation from the occupants of the room before he was pushing the door in and peeking inside, nodding as he looked around at everyone and then turning back and indicating for the four to follow him inside.

As the men got closer, Jeongguk’s heart started pounding as he tried to encourage himself to remain calm, reminding himself that nothing bad had happened yet and that it was just his parents who he had known his entire life and his brothers' parents who he had known for seven years.

Just as he was about to enter, suddenly Jimin burst into tears in front of him, running across the room into his parents arms to the shouts of "Mama! Papa!" throwing himself into their embrace and pulling them close.

Jeongguk watched as Hobi did the same, his parents closer to the door as he threw himself at them, burying his face in his father's neck and starting to cry as the older man tried to comfort him, rubbing Hobi's back and stroking his hair gently along with his wife.

Namjoon, only marginally more composed, walked straight into his mom's embrace, pulling her tight against his chest as tears started to wind down his cheeks, his father joining them from behind and tightening his hold on his family as they held their son and prayed.

Jeongguk, stepping into the room after everyone else, looked around briefly, catching his parents eyes in the back corner, noting that they were sitting beside Yoongi's parents who looked small and shell-shocked where they sat.

On the opposite corner sat Jin's parents, sitting with haunted eyes with empty seats around them, Joon and Jimin's families having been sat on either side of them until the boys had entered and they had stood to greet them.

Finally, sitting nearest to the door were Taehyung's parents, their eyes hollow with shock or despair or something else that Jeongguk couldn't quite place. Without thinking, Jeongguk stepped forward, gently pulling Taehyung's father up and into a tight embrace.

"He'll come back to us," Jeongguk whispered, long having suspected that Taehyung's father knew about them and had just been staying quiet. "He has to come back to us."

"I hope so, son," Taehyung's father replied, tightening his hold on Jeongguk. "I hope so."

As Jeongguk pulled away to embrace Tae's mother, placing his chin on her head as he rocked the pair of them back and forth, his eyes met his father's, who's gaze knowingly pierced into Jeongguk's and sent a chill running down his spine in fear.

After a brief moment of hesitation, Jeongguk decided to carry on as he was, as if he had intended to go to the parents of the injured men first instead of his own parents.

Walking forward, Jeongguk approached Jin's family who stood to greet him, pulling each other into a hug.

"I'm so sorry for what's happened," Jeongguk whispered, rubbing Jin's mother's back as she let out a quiet whimper. "I hope that he wakes up soon."

"Thank you son," Mr. Kim said gently, pulling back and placing one of his large hands onto Jeongguk's shoulder.

"I heard that you were responsible for pulling my son out of the vehicle after the accident?" Mr. Kim continued, phrasing the statement as more of a question.

"Yes sir, that's correct."

"Thank you Jeongguk. The doctor told us that may have saved his life."

Despite himself, Jeongguk let out a soft wail that slipped from his lips unwillingly, leaning into the touch from Mr. Kim on his shoulder, guilt pouring into him at the older man's words, knowing full well he had only pulled Jin out to get to Taehyung.

Without saying anything, keeping his guilty admission to himself, Jeongguk nodded in acknowledgement and then stepped away, heading for Yoongi's parents who had already stood and were waiting to greet him.

"Thank you Jeongguk," Yoongi’s mother whispered into his ear, stretching up onto her tippy toes in order to reach. "It's so kind of you to come to us first, I know you must be hurting."

"Nothing like you must be feeling Mrs. Min," Jeongguk replied contritely, bowing his head.

"We are all in this together Jeon," Mr. Min added, referring to Jeongguk by his given name. "All seven of you are family, it's okay to grieve like us."

"They're not going to die though," Jeongguk said quietly, grimacing at the word 'grieve.' "They can't."

"Oh baby," Jeongguk's mother cut in, walking forward so she could pull her son into her arms, Jeongguk's father following a few seconds behind and joining the hug, just as the pain in Jeongguk's chest started to bubble over and sobs broke from his once clenched lips.

"I want them to be okay so bad," Jeongguk cried into his mother's neck, tears streaming unencumbered down her shirt where a wet spot was already forming. "They need to be okay, Ma, they have to be. What do we do if they're not okay?"

"One thing at a time Jeongguk," his father said sternly, causing Jeongguk to look up, realizing that his father had already pulled away from the embrace and was standing with his hands in his pockets back where he had originally started.

Staring at his father with as neutral of an expression as he could muster, Jeongguk heard in the background as the other three men spoke in hushed voices with the parents of the injured men, following his lead after seeing what the youngest had done to comfort them.

Just as Jeongguk opened his mouth to say, something, anything to stop his dad from staring at him like that, his father's gaze sharp and disgruntled, a knock was heard at the door, everyone immediately standing to attention and turning to see who appeared.

The door pushed open a few seconds later and a tired looking physician stepped into the room, closing the door behind him with a gentle snap, surveying the room before looking back down at his clipboard and flipping up the top paper.

"Hello everyone, my name is Dr. Soo. I'm looking for the parents of...Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi and Kim Taehyung."

Jeongguk felt a pang in his chest as the doctor said Taehyung's name, the older man giving zero indication based on his appearance as to how they were all doing.

Politely raising their hands, the four Kim's and the two Min's drew the doctor's attention to them in turn before the latter was clearing his throat and nodding.

"If you'll follow me, I can take you to another room where I can update you on your sons' conditions in private."

"No," Jin's dad said defiantly, his voice strong. "Everyone in this room is their family. I at least, would like my son's update to be shared amongst all of us."

"We would like the same," Yoongi's parents agreed.

After a moment of thought, Taehyung's parents nodded as well.

"Well, this is an intensely private matter," Dr. Soo started, getting cut off as Mr. Kim's brows furrowed in annoyance, the doctor seemingly catching on to the seriousness of their statement and adjusting his opinion on pushing the matter. "Alright, please sit then."

The four BTS members waited as their parents sat down, motioning for Bang PD to take the remaining seat before moving to sit on the floor in front of their respective parental unit, looking up with breaths held as they waited for the doctor to continue.

"Alright," Dr. Soo started, clearing his throat as he flipped the top page over to what was likely the first man's update file. "Kim Seokjin."

"Just Jin," Mrs. Kim interjected, blushing slightly when the doctor looked up at her. "He prefers being called Jin."

"Alright," Dr. Soo nodded. "Of the three men still alive, your son Jin is the least injured, though his injuries are still quite severe all things considered."

Jeongguk heard the sucked in gasp from Mr. & Mrs. Kim, keeping his head down out of respect or fear or something else.

"Jin, while not being on the side of the vehicle that was struck, was on the side of the vehicle that hit the barrier on the bridge, the force of the impact breaking both his pelvis and his right leg. He also sustained a cut to his head from the hit and two fractured ribs."

"Yoongi was sitting in the middle of the row, so while his injuries are less severe from the actual hit, there was no support for his head when the car was hit, nor when it started to flip and land on the bridge., causing him to break his neck."

"We are not worried about paralysis or anything of the sort currently, but he does have severe whip lash and damaged some vertebrae in his neck when it collided with the back of the seat. This has led to some brain swelling which we are closely monitoring."

"Of his injuries, Yoongi also took the majority of the damage from the flames when the vehicle caught on fire. It does, however, seem that Taehyung covered his face up with his jacket to reduce the brunt of it, but he does have some burns on his hands and chest all the same."

Beside him, Namjoon let out a loud hiccup, pulling Jeongguk's attention to him briefly who hadn't even realized the older man had been crying. Looking around, Jeongguk realized that everyone in the room seemed to be emotionally distraught but him, his body having gone cold and numb with the updates.

"I'm not sure how Taehyung managed to cover him," Dr. Soo noted, flipping the page once more to look at the next profile. "Our first guess is that he had the jacket in his lap and was conscious up until the flames engulfed the vehicle or just near after, but it's hard to tell without being there."

"However, the injuries indicate that Yoongi was likely unconscious as soon as he broke his neck, which is why we think it was Taehyung who had done it, especially with where the burn marks are on the jacket and as there was no way for Jin to have covered his face."

"Now, Taehyung's injuries are much more severe," Dr. Soo noted calmly, though Jeongguk's body stiffened and everything in the room stopped as he honed in on the doctor's words. _No, no, fuck, please no, please let him be alive, he screamed internally. Please._

"Taehyung was sitting on the side of the vehicle that was struck by the truck, so he has significant damage from the force of impact. He broke his leg in three places, broke four ribs and fractured two, broke his wrist, damaged his shoulder, all on the left side."

"On top of that, he does have some minimal burn damage from the fire, but the flames were at the front of the vehicle so he was mostly protected from the front seat and Yoongi's body covering him, so very minor burn injuries all things considered."

"Our biggest concern at this point, is his head. When the vehicle struck, his head collided with some of the incoming glass. We've cleaned everything out, but at this point there is some significant brain bleeding."

"His head is quite swollen so we can't risk operating right now as it would put too much strain on his body, but we are monitoring him closely so that we can go in and drain the blood as soon as his body can handle it. I'm not sure when that will be, but it will have to be soon."

In the background, Jeongguk could somewhat register the cries that were escaping from Taehyung's mother's mouth, her husband trying to console her as she let out high pitched screams. Jeongguk however, couldn't feel anything, as if he was physically detached from his body.

"In the meantime, my biggest concern will be getting the bleeding around his brain under control, so we've induced him into a medical coma so that his body focuses solely on healing itself. It's a risky decision, but in light of keeping him alive, we believe the right one."

"Taehyung and Yoongi will both be in surgeries for several more hours while we try and get in there to make some repairs. Jin was the first to the hospital, almost 45 minutes before Yoongi arrived and close to an hour before Taehyung, so he is out of surgery now."

"We've put some metal plates and bars into his body to support the bone breaks and stitched up the cut on his head and over his body where he was cut by the glass. As of about five minutes before I came in here, we've officially downgraded his status from critical, to stable."

"However, I will caution you that while he's listed as in serious, but stable condition currently, things can change at any moment. We really have no idea how his body may react, especially if he wakes up, but for now we have him in a room in ICU."

"It is our belief that Jin will likely be unconscious for several days as his body tries to process the shock of the accident, the injuries and to maintain the healing process, so we probably won't see a change for some time. We will, however, be monitoring him around the clock, so please keep this in mind."

"At this stage, our current focus is on getting Jin secured and set-up so that we can monitor any concerns and make immediate changes if necessary and on taking care of Yoongi and Taehyung and finishing their surgeries. We have some of the best doctors in the world in there with them right now so just know we are doing everything that we can."

"For now, I don't have any other updates, though I can answer some questions if you’d like. I'll be heading back in to the operating room in around an hour to assess if we can start treating for the brain bleeding, but other than that, all we can do it finish up and wait to see how their bodies react."

"I'm sorry I am not coming with better news, but for now all I can say is that your sons are alive and are being treated by a fantastic medical team who are doing everything in their power to save them and we will continue to do so over coming days and weeks. Are there any questions?"

"I have one," Jeongguk said after a long period of silence stretched across the room, swallowing loudly and trying to wet his tongue, looking up at the doctor with eyes blown wide. "You said Taehyung is in a coma?"

"That's right, we decided it was the best course of action."

"Will he wake up from that?" Jeongguk asked, distantly registering the hand that was placed on his own from somewhere beside him. "Is there a chance he doesn't ever come out of the coma?"

"We don't know son," Dr. Soo admitted. "Every person's body is different. But..."

"But?"

"It doesn-" Dr. Soo started, seemingly thinking better of what he was about to say and stopping before clearing his throat. "I'm not sure. We'll do everything we can in our power to help him wake up though, I promise you that."

A buzz took over the fog in Jeongguk's mind, aware that the doctor was answering questions as some of the others in the room spoke up, but his focus zeroed in on the words that he knew had been about to come out of the doctor’s mouth.

"It doesn't look like it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot happened in this chapter and there are a lot of emotions to try and work through. I hope you enjoyed it and I’d love to hear what you thought of how everything was handled and what’s coming next! 
> 
> All my best!  
> Jessa x
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JessaJessJ) | [Tumblr](https://hobrerek.tumblr.com/) | [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/CrazyJWrites)


	3. Guilty

**Day 4:**

"Do you, do you think we should do something?" Hobi asked in a hushed voice to Namjoon and Jimin, the three men looking down the room at Jeongguk who was sat in the same position he had been in since the doctor's updates. "It's been four days."

"He's like a robot," Jimin whispered back, chancing a look at the youngest who hadn't registered their talking. "When was the last time anyone even heard him actually say anything?"

The four men were sitting in their original waiting room, alone except themselves.

While their parents had been taken to a hotel close by to the hospital after the three injured men had gotten out of surgery, the four members had opted to stay at the hospital and wait it out, though the medical staff had told them they'd be waiting a long time if they stayed.

"He literally only eats and uses the bathroom," Jimin continued. "He definitely hasn't showered since we got here."

"He also hasn't cried," Namjoon pointed out astutely. "Everyone was crying when Dr. Soo came in to give the updates, everyone except Jeongguk."

"I legitimately don't think he's said anything since the doctor gave the updates. Not to us, not to his parents. He's just been sitting there."

"He's in shock," Hobi noted, though he furrowed his brows as he did. "But...it's been four days. He must have processed it by now?"

"I think he still feels like the accident was his fault somehow," Namjoon sighed. "Which is stupid, but grief does weird things to a person, so who are we to judge?"

"Yeah, but how do we get him to you know....thaw out?"

"I-" Joon cut off. "That's a very good question."

At the other end of the room, Jeongguk who had been listening in on their conversation, sat quietly as he tried to think of what to say. He could tell them he was scared and he knew they would believe him, but he also knew he needed to get the weight from off his chest.

Turning to stare at them and ignoring the look of surprise that crossed their faces, Jeongguk opened and closed his mouth a few times as he searched for the words to express how he was feeling, eventually coming up empty and settling down with a huff of annoyance.

“We should go shower,” Jimin said some time later, pulling Jeongguk’s attention back up. “The nurse said there is a room for us, I’m sure it would do us a world of good to get cleaned up.”

Silently agreeing with a nod, Jeongguk stood, realizing the other men were staring at him.

With a shake of his head, Jeongguk looked down, wincing slightly when he heard the sigh of disappointment that came from Namjoon's lips, knowing the older men were waiting for him to open up, but also knowing that he wasn't ready yet to say what was on his mind.

Following the other men out of the room, Jeongguk slipped into auto-pilot as they were taken into a room with lockers and showers, a kind male attendant having come in to show them where everything was and to show them to their lockers where several changes of clothes were found.

Stripping without thought, Jeongguk followed Jimin into the shower room, not bothering to cover up since they had all seen each other naked enough times over the years, twisting the knob and hissing when cold water splashed across his chest.

Stepping out of the stream of water and waiting for the water to heat up, Jeongguk found himself drifting as he thought of all the times he and Taehyung had snuck glances at each other back in the dorms all those years ago, long before they were together or even thinking about it.

Despite his sour mood, a smile pulled at the corner of his lips as he fondly recalled one time when he had walked naked past Taehyung's room in the hope that the older man would come join him in the shower, still somehow surprised that he had, even if nothing had happened.

How long had they been chasing after each other? Jeongguk wondered idly, stepping back under the stream and turning his face into the warm water, adjusting the heat so it was just a tad bit painful, a subtle reminder that he was alive and could still feel pain.

"Should we be more concerned that he's moving or that he's smiling?" Jeongguk heard Hobi ask somewhere down the room, though he knew his hyung hadn't meant for Jeongguk to hear him, eyes still closed and turned up into the spray.

"I mean, he's washing himself?" Jimin supplied as Jeongguk opened his eyes, keeping his focus away from the other men and grabbing the shampoo bottle that was conveniently placed on the sill in front of him. Gross, Jeongguk thought as he sniffed it. This smells like hospital.

"Leave him be," Namjoon chided, seemingly changing the topic as they continued to shower, Jeongguk tuning the other three out as he went about his business, closing his eyes and thinking back to the first time he and Taehyung had properly showered together.

"What if they catch us?" Taehyung had giggled, leaning into Jeongguk's warmth as the two of them stripped, eyeing Jeongguk longingly as he removed his underwear and smirked at the older man.

"What about it?" Jeongguk had teased, motioning for Taehyung to strip.

"They won't like it," Taehyung had said matter-of-factly, but as he straightened up Jeongguk noticed that his eyes had turned mischievous. "But we're here now."

"Yes," Jeongguk said seductively, stepping forward to pull Taehyung against him and rolling his hips. "We are."

Coming back to the present, pushing away the thoughts of Taehyung's lips sliding against his as they had stepped into the shower, Jeongguk chanced a look down, somewhat happy to note that at least one of them had gotten into the mood, all things considered.

Rinsing out his hair, Jeongguk switched bottles, grabbing the conditioner and sniffing it once more, noting the smell was slightly less hospital-esque but not by much. As he grabbed a soap bar and started lathering his body, he let his mind wander again.

"Okay, but how we do get into the shower without putting clothes on?" Taehyung had asked, their cum mixed on top of his stomach, Jeongguk panting heavily beside him after finishing them both off. "Yoongi's door is between us and the shower."

"What are the chances that his door is even open?" Jeongguk had pointed out between soft little pants that Taehyung had found ridiculously endearing. "It's never open."

"We're naked and covered in cum," Tae had retorted. "Karmically it will for sure be open."

"I see your point," Jeongguk had said with a soft laugh, dropping his head down into the crook of Taehyung's neck, pulling himself closer as he threw a leg over the other man's, careful to avoid the topic in question. "What do you want to do?"

"As much as this has been great, my stomach feels disgusting right now," Taehyung had said with a laugh, placing a gentle kiss on Jeongguk's head and then looking disbelievingly down at himself. "So I mean shower would be preferred,"

With a sigh, Jeongguk rolled away from Taehyung's embrace, rummaging in his pants pocket on the floor, body half off the edge as he felt Tae grab his hips in support, leaning back once he had his phone in his hand, smiling wide at Taehyung and kissing him softly in thanks.

"Alright, I'll text Yoongi-Hyung and make sure the coast is clear," Jeongguk smiled, catching the slight look of surprise from Taehyung. 

"Does he know?" Tae asked curiously.

"He's always known," Jeongguk replied laughing. "Pretty sure HE pointed out to ME how I felt!"

"Oh," Taehyung replied quietly in understanding, a small smile settling across his features as he relaxed back into the pillow. "That's okay then."

"Yeah," Jeongguk replied just for the sake of replying, lying back down in Tae's arms and closing his eyes. "He's the best."

"You okay Kook?" a voice asked from Jeongguk's left, pulling his attention from his memory and up to meet Hobi's eyes which were mixed with a look of concern and something else that Jeongguk couldn't quite place, the younger seeing Jimin and Joon watching over Hobi's shoulder.

"Just thinking," Jeongguk said with an almost smile, reaching forward to turn off the water, nodding at Hobi before turning away and making his way back towards the dressing room.

"Omg he speaks," Hobi said in awe as soon as Jeongguk had left the room. "Is he okay?"

"Pretty sure he was thinking about TaeTae," Jimin said with an embarrassed laugh, his cheeks colouring slightly.

"How do you know?" 

"Oh you sweet innocent child," Jimin retorted, shaking his head as he turned his own water off and wandered over. "Did you look down?"

"Why would I have looked do-," Hobi cut off suddenly, eyes widening as he realized what Jimin was implying. "Oh, ew."

"Better than robot Jeongguk," Joon laughed, clapping Hoseok on the shoulder as he walked by. "I'll take it."

**Day 6:**

"Any updates?" Hobi asked as Namjoon entered the room, closing the door softly behind him and walking over to join the other men. 

"No, no changes," he responded with a frown, turning his head to look at Jeongguk who was back in his now-favourite corner.

"I can't believe they're all still unconscious," Jimin said petulantly, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair. "I thought they said they were being treated by the best doctor's in the world?"

"You know that's true," Namjoon glared, shooting Jimin a stern look.

"And anyways," he continued. "There's a lot of trauma to make up for. The doctor said them being unconscious isn't necessarily a bad thing, it means their bodies are trying to heal themselves, that's definitely not a bad thing."

"Except for the coma part," Jeongguk replied bitterly.

"Ah, yes," Joon replied awkwardly, bringing a hand up to scratch at the back of his head as he tried to think of a way to talk himself out of this one. "Uh...."

"Sorry," Jeongguk muttered, saving Namjoon from answering. "That was dumb. Just....ignore that."

"That's more than I've heard you say in the last week," Hobi pointed out with a slightly forced laugh, trying to make light of the situation to relieve some of the awkward tension still hanging in the room. "Don't go talking my ear off now!"

"Hmmm," Jeongguk hummed, turning his head towards the wall and away from them, slipping back into the head space he had been hiding in since the accident almost a week ago.

"Since you're talking," Jimin started, waiting for Jeongguk to turn. "When are you going to see them?"

Instead of answering right away, Jeongguk looked frantically around at the three of them with wide eyes, looking incredibly put out at the fact he was being put on the spot suddenly. 

"I-I-I....what do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean."

In the six days since the accident, since their bandmates had come out of surgeries and been placed in their room in ICU, dozens of people had gone to visit the stars, including Namjoon, Jimin, Hoseok, all of their families and multiple people in the industry who they called friends.

The only person who hadn't gone to see them? Jeongguk.

"Look, i-it's just, it's you know, it's just one of those, I mean, they sleep, it's n-not like they'd e-e-even know I-I was there," he stammered frantically, his cheeks turning a frightening shade of purple.

"Jeongguk," Namjoon said sternly, catching his maknae's attention. "Your boyfriend of over two years is in a coma and you haven't even gone to visit him once! Let alone the fact two of your family members were also injured which you seem to forget about regularly."

"I agree with Jimin on this one, he's angry that you haven't gone to see them and he's right to be so, there's no excuse for why you've been hiding in your corner for the last six days instead of sitting by their beds. You can't hide from this forever."

"I can try," Jeongguk muttered under his breath, his face morphing between shock, hurt and anger as he tried to sort out his feelings in relation to the harsh criticism from his elder at the same time Jimin cried "Hey!" in relation to Namjoon's "agree on this one" comment.

"I just can't imagine seeing him like that," Jeongguk said a moment later, pulling the attention in the room to him. "You heard what the doc said, they won't say it directly, but we all know they don't think he's going to....I...I don't want that to be my last memory of him."

Jeongguk didn't have to finish what he was going to say for them all to know what he had meant, knowing very well that the doctor's were not optimistic about Taehyung's condition, though they themselves were holding out for a miracle.

Despite his best attempts, Namjoon found himself softening at the younger man's words, understanding seeping under his skin as he tried to imagine what it must be like knowing the condition your partner is in and hearing what the doctor's were saying. But still...

Before he could voice his concerns on the matter, however, Jimin beat him to it.

"What would you want," he started, his voice oddly cold for the bubble of joy that was Park Jimin, "if the roles were reversed and you were in a coma and Taehyung was sitting where you are."

"Would you be okay if he sat in a room away from you while you were injured and trying to wake up from a coma, or would you be pissed that your own partner didn't even care enough to come visit you?"

A long silence stretched over the room as Jimin's words sank in.

On the one hand, Namjoon agreed with Jimin as he knew he'd be pissed if he were in that situation and his partner hadn't come to see him.

But on the other hand, he could also imagine how scary it must be to know your partner might die and that seeing them would make it more real.

With that said though, there might have been a better way to have delivered that, based on the furious expression that had settled over Jeongguk's expression, hands balled into fists in his lap.

"Fuck you," Jeongguk hissed, standing abruptly and walking out of the room, slamming the door with a thunderous bang as he stormed down the hall, eyes seeing red as he tried to process what Jimin had just said. 

"Fuck all of them," he spat, not noticing the nurse ahead of him.

Before he knew what was happening, Jeongguk was looking up at the stunned nurse lady who had spun around when they had collided, effectively knocking Jeongguk to the ground as he had already been off balance, too furious to have been paying attention to where he was going.

"I'm s-so sorry," Jeongguk stammered, blood rushing to his cheeks for a different reason as the nurse helped him to his feet, reaching down and brushing himself off, though the hospital was meticulously clean so it was more for show than to actual clean himself.

"Are you okay dear?" The nurse asked, eyes piercing into his own. "You seem flustered."

"I'm sorry," Jeongguk repeated. "I wasn't watching where I was going, I shouldn't have bumped into you, what if you had been helping someone? I could have injured them. I'm sorry again."

"Maybe, but you didn't, so let's just live in the moment, shall we?" The nurse replied astutely, pulling Jeongguk to the side of the hall so another attendant could get by. "Now dear, why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

"It's nothing," Jeongguk replied quietly, looking away.

"Based on how hard you slammed that door, I wouldn't say it's nothing," the nurse responded with a knowing glint in her eye, a smile pulling at the edge of her lips that she did her best to suppress. "I take it you had a disagreement?"

"You saw that, huh?" Jeongguk questioned, looking up to meet her gaze.

"I'm pretty sure the entire half of this building both heard and felt that," she replied with a gentle laugh, Jeongguk cringing as his guilt increased.

"God I'm an asshole."

"You're upset. Doesn't excuse you, but I get it. Now, for the last time, what's wrong dear?"

"I..." Jeongguk started to say, cutting himself off before turning so he could lean against the adjacent wall, looking up at the ceiling while he tried to collect his thoughts.

"Is this about your friends?" the nurse asked gently, smiling at Jeongguk when he turned to look at her.

"Yeah."

"And?"

"My friends are mad at me for not going to see them," Jeongguk responded truthfully. "But I'm really scared."

"Being scared is understandable, dear, but there has to be something more going on for you to not go see them just because you are scared. This whole situation is scary, but that doesn't mean we can just ignore it because of that. What's really going on?"

"I....yeah," Jeongguk conceded, looking at the nurse for a long time before continuing, bolstered on by the lack of judgment he saw in her eyes. 

"I'm....I'm in a relationship with one of the men who was injured," Jeongguk said after a moment, leaving his sentence hanging.

"The one in the coma?" the nurse asked, though she knew the answer right away based on the young man's reaction.

"Yeah."

"And you haven't gone to see them because you don't want your boyfriend to die?"

"I don't want that to be my last memory of him," Jeongguk whispered.

"Dear, at this point you are going to have no memory of him if you don't go see him," the nurse replied gently. "Was your last memory of him a happy one at least?"

"No," Jeongguk replied with a grimace, swallowing audibly as he felt a pressure start to build up in his chest.

"We got into a fight the day before the accident. We always ride in the same car together, but we were separated because we were fighting," Jeongguk explained, feeling the tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. "He told me he loved me and I didn't repeat it."

"Ah," the nurse replied knowingly. "I have a feeling this has more to do with you feeling guilty about that then not wanting to see your boyfriend."

"I feel guilty about a lot of things," Jeongguk answered honestly, dropping his head to look down at his shoes.

"Such as?"

"Our parents don't know," Jeongguk said with a nod of his head. "I've been doing my best to not react so they don't find out. My dad would kill me if he knew. That's only a taste of it though."

"Okay, and the rest of your guilt?"

"I pulled Jin out to get to Taehyung," Jeongguk noted after a moment, sniffling loudly. "Tae's parents don't know we're gay. I'm scared he'll wake up alone. I'm scared he won't wake up at all. I'm scared the last thing I'd have said to him was 'see you there,' not I love you."

"That's a lot of guilt to carry young man," the nurse said after a moment, reaching out and placing a hand on his shoulder. "But my gut says the first one and the last one are the ones you are most upset about."

"Yeah," Jeongguk agreed. "Yeah."

"Look," the nurse started, pushing off the wall and standing to her full height. "I am around trauma everyday so I know where you are coming from. But I also know how many people regret not saying goodbye when they have the chance. That's not to say he'll die, but it's possible."

"You are upset at yourself now, sure. But imagine what it would be like if one of them did happen to pass away and you hid in a waiting room while it happened. Would you be able to live with yourself then?"

"No," Jeongguk answered truthfully. "I wouldn't."

"I know it's hard dear," the nurse continued, "but sometimes hard is the only option we have to choose from. It's scary for sure, but medicine has shown that some patients in comas can actually hear the outside world. So tell him you love him. You never know if he can hear it."

"And anyways," she tacked on before Jeongguk could think of anything to say. "I think it will do you a world of good to sit with them and just talk for a bit. I find it very therapeutic. So, tell them you love them. Guilt will pass with time."

"But what if we don't have time?" Jeongguk asked, barely suppressing his tears at this point.

"Exactly why you should go see them now," the nurse responded frankly, touching his shoulder once more. "You can deal with the other feelings later."

Jeongguk went quiet as he thought of everything the nurse had just said, sensing the truth and the sincerity in her comments and knowing that as much as he didn't want to see his darling boy broken and hooked up to machines, she was right, he would hate himself if he didn't go.

"Wait," Jeongguk hesitated, tilting his head as he thought of something. "You never said anything about me being gay. You know who I am, I know you do."

"Yes," the nurse responded with an understanding smile. "But your sexuality isn't my concern."

"B-but....being gay is frowned upon in Korea?"

"Lots of things are frowned upon in Korea, doesn't mean they aren't right," the nurse responded with a soft laugh. "The world is changing Jeongguk. It might not be there quite yet, but it doesn't mean it won't get there with time."

"Oh," Jeongguk replied quietly, overcome with an emotion he couldn't quite place. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me for something you shouldn't have to," she retorted, smiling at him once again. "But for now, how about I go take you to see your friends and your boyfriend?"

"Um...yeah," Jeongguk agreed, sniffing again and smiling gratefully when the nurse reached across the counter behind her and grabbed a tissue for him. "That would be good I guess."

"Alright, follow me," she indicated, stepping away from where they were standing and walking away.

As Jeongguk followed the nurse down the hall he felt a tingling sensation creep up his neck. Turning around just as they were about to round the corner, Jeongguk found Joon, Jimin and Hobi all watching him with guarded expressions.

Stopping for a moment to look at them as he tried to think of what to say, a thought crossed his mind based on what the nurse had said earlier. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he opened their group chat and sent a simple, but meaningful message before turning and walking away.

_"I love you guys and I'm sorry. You were right."_

Putting his phone back in his pocket, Jeongguk looked up, just as the nurse stopped in front of the doors marked ICU.

Whelp. It was time.

"Wait!" Jeongguk almost shouted, just as the nurse had started to push the doors to the ICU open.

"You okay?" the nurse asked, looking at him with a bemused expression after she registered that he wasn't trying to back out, the young man looking genuinely confused at something.

"I don't even know your name!" Jeongguk shouted in disbelief, wincing when he realized how loud he was being. "Sorry. But actually. What you said earlier meant a lot to me and you were right. So I'd like to know your name, if that's okay with you."

"You're cute, Jeongguk."

"Please?"

"My name is Angel," the nurse replied with a gentle laugh. "Nice to officially meet you, Jeongguk."

"Wait, like actually?"

"Actually what?"

"Your name is Angel?" Jeongguk pressed. "Not like guardian angel. Like actually Angel?"

"Yes, Jeongguk," Angel replied with a hearty laugh. "My name is actually Angel. Now let's go in, you're stalling at this point."

"Am not," Jeongguk muttered under his breath, though he conceded to follow Angel into the ICU, a calm settling over him now knowing her name.

"Your friends are just over here," Angel motioned, pointing to a room which had two burly security guards standing on either side of the door, the curtains drawn tightly closed so that nothing inside could be seen. "This room is actually three rooms in one, to give them space."

"I'd go in with you, but I have a feeling this is something you need to do alone," Angel added on, nodding at the guards and stopping with her hand placed on the door's handle, turning back to look at Jeongguk. "I'll be just outside the room if you need me though, okay?"

"Weren't you just working in another area though?" Jeongguk asked, though he was grateful for her words which he found comforting.

"No," Angel admitted, her cheeks colouring a pretty shade of pink. "I was just, erm, visiting someone. I work in ICU."

A brief moment passed before Jeongguk smiled despite himself, mentally cataloging who had been present at the counter in the previous area and realizing they had all been women. 

"Ah," he replied knowingly watching Angel's blush deepen. "A fellow gay."

"Go inside," Angel chided him, ignoring his comment and pushing down the door handle to allow it to swing open, her cheeks darkening even further. 

"You're cute," Jeongguk said teasingly, taking a long look at Angel and realizing that she was probably only a few years older.

"Ignoring that," Angel laughed, placing a guiding hand onto Jeongguk's lower back and pushing him forward. "Now enough gay talk, go inside rainbow boy. You have people to see."

"Yeah, yeah," Jeongguk muttered, stepping forward. "You're right."

Changing his focus from Angel to what he was here to do, Jeongguk took a deep breath before stepping into the room fully, the first thing he noticed being the steady thrum from the various machines that were strewn across the room.

Across the room, which was really quite large, were several chairs placed haphazardly around the room, likely from visitors that had been coming and going. There was what looked like a mini waiting area to the left and a primary medical station on the right.

In front of him, there were three very distinct areas of the room where Jeongguk realized that his three friends were, curtains pulled across big swaths of the room, almost making it seem as if there were three different rooms and not one large room.

It appeared to Jeongguk that the rooms were likely set up based on increasing levels of severity, or at least that was what it looked like based on the fact that a majority of the chairs seemed to be closer to the first "room," which probably meant Jin was there.

Taking a deep breath, Jeongguk let the door close softly behind him, leaving him alone with his three friends and the steady beeping from their machines.

Walking forward, Jeongguk cast a look down the row of rooms, looking longingly at the far one and wondering if Tae was there.

Tugging his attention from his thoughts which threatened to take him down a dark path, Jeongguk looked towards the curtain rails, seeing a slit to step through and grasping the fabric tightly between his fingers, closing his eyes as he prepared himself for what was to come.

Releasing his breath, Jeongguk sighed, pulling back the curtain and just barely keeping himself from gasping as his eyes took in the sight of his hyung as he stepped into his enclosed space, his breath momentarily halting in his chest as he digested what he was seeing.

Behind the bed, a complicated set of monitors and machines beeped and thrummed, several sets of cords coming out of the machines and extending to the bed where Jin lay. A harness hung down from the ceiling as well, Jin's leg propped up in it's grasp, his lower body also raised.

What was more shocking to Jeongguk, however, were the bandages circled around Jin's head, his normally luscious black hair seemingly missing on one side of his head, likely where he had cut his head during the accident, though seeing it was a completely different experience.

The older man's eyes were closed, dark circles under his eyes and across his cheeks from bruising that Jeongguk hadn't realized had occurred, a few scratches present on his cheeks, though otherwise the man seemed completely peaceful, seemingly asleep if you didn't know better.

"Oh Jin," Jeongguk whispered, his heart sinking in his chest as he took another look at his hyung, gaze dropping down to the man's hands which lay limp on either side of his body. "You poor fucking thing."

Out of the corner of his eye, Jeongguk noticed a chair sitting at the head of the bed and without thinking, found himself positioning it beside Jin's bed, sinking down into the seat before he could question what he was doing, especially considering he hadn't planned on staying.

Reaching a hand out, Jeongguk gently picked up Jin's nearest hand, placing it between each of his own, noticing for the first time just how fragile Jin's hands were, even though they were bigger than his own. Squeezing gently and feeling no response, Jeongguk sighed in sadness.

"I'm so sorry Jin," Jeongguk started, eyes focused down on their joined hands. "I'm so sorry that this happened to you and that you are here in this hospital room now. It breaks my heart to think that you would have been in the other car if...if me and Tae hadn't been fighting."

"I haven't said this to anyone," Jeongguk continued missing the flutter of motion a few inches farther up the bed, "but I can't stop thinking that if you hadn't gone with Tae that it would have been me in this bed, not you. It should be me..."

Jeongguk trailed off for a moment, eyes prickling as tears pushed to the surface, slowly tracking down his cheeks one at a time as wave of emotion after wave of emotion began to crash through his body, being in Jin's presence breaking his loosely held together barriers.

"Is it bad that I kind of wish it were me?" Jeongguk said with a wet laugh, not wiping at his tears because he didn't want to let go of his elder's hand. "When the accident happened, I literally felt like my world was ending. Just watching that truck go through the intersection."

"It happened so fast," he added, sniffling loudly. "We were so helpless, our driver was slamming on the brakes and all we could hear was this horrible screeching noise at the two vehicles collided and then it was just, this deafening silence once the car landed on the bridge."

"I don't think I've run faster in my entire life to get to the SUV. Everyone was yelling, there were people everywhere and I could hear this horrible noise in my head that wouldn't stop. I found out afterwards that the noise had been me screaming."

"It was like five seconds of silence and then chaos and all I could think about was 'oh my god, Tae. Not Tae. Anyone but Tae.' I kept repeating that in my head, I wasn't even sane at that point, I was just so focused on getting to Tae, even though I knew he was trapped."

"I remember just getting to the car and climbing up the bridge and trying to pull the door open, realizing that it was crushed," Jeongguk recited, lost in the story and missing what was happening around him. "I just remember thinking, 'we have to get them out.'"

"It didn't occur to me that you and Yoongi were in the car too," Jeongguk admitted, stopping his story long enough to drop his head to the bed as guilty sobs overtook his body. "All I could think about was 'I need to get to Tae, I need to get to my boyfriend.'"

"And I love you and Yoongi," Jeongguk said loudly, still not having looked up from the pair's joined hands, though the younger man was once again sitting up. "I feel so bad that you guys weren't my priority, but Tae....I love him so much Jin."

"I love him so much," he continued through his anguished cries. "And he's going to die and I never said I loved him back and I didn't take care of you and Yoongi the way you should have been and it's all my fault and no one is going to wake up and oh my god, I can't breathe."

Stopping speaking to remove one hand from Jin's and put it up to his throat, Jeongguk took several deep shaky breaths as the guilt he was feeling washed over him fully, not registering through his tears the tightening grip on his other hand as he continued to cry.

"I'm so sorry, Jin," Jeongguk cried, eyes tightly closed. "Please come back to me, I love you so much, please wake up, please come back to me, I miss you so much, I'm so sorry I'm such a shitty little brother. I love you, I swear, I love you so much."

"Jeongguk," a voice cut through his tears, the voice shaky, but determined. "Jeongguk, breathe!"

"How can I breathe when they are going to die?" Jeongguk wailed between shaky breaths, taking several deep gasps before suddenly everything in the room stopped, including him.

"Oh my god," Jeongguk whispered, eyes firmly locked on his hand on the bed, staring at their tightly joined hands for several long seconds, finally registering what was happening around him, looking up slowly to see Jin's dark brown eyes gazing back at him intently.

"Jin!"

Jeongguk wasn't sure how much time it took for his brain to process what he was seeing, but after a few moments he felt as his brain rebooted and came down from the feeling of shock that had overtaken his body, reaching out gently to cup Jin's closest cheek. "Hyung..."

"Water?" Jin croaked as he leaned into the touch, closing his eyes briefly before pulling away so he could rest his head back against the pillow. 

"Yes, water, of course," Jeongguk replied frantically, turning around to look in the immediate space and realizing he was dumb.

"Give me a second," Jeongguk said finally, standing up and slipping back through the curtain, heading to the front of the room where the waiting area was, seeing cups sitting on top of the counter that he grabbed with shaking hands, pouring some water from the faucet carefully.

As soon as he returned, pulling the curtain closed behind him, Jeongguk stepped right to the top of the bed, holding the back of Jin's head gingerly as he lifted the cup to the elder's lips and gently poured some into his waiting mouth as he supported him. "There we go."

"Thanks," Jin said softly once the cup was empty, licking his lips tiredly as he allowed his head to be placed back on the pillows.

"How are you feeling?" Jeongguk asked as he sat back down, reaching back out for Jin's hand who returned the light squeeze carefully.

"Like I got hit by a truck," Jin replied seriously, staring at Jeongguk with a guarded expression for a few long seconds before his facade broke and he burst into laughter, clutching at his side in pain, though the smile miraculously stayed in place. "So pretty shitty."

"I can't believe you are awake," Jeongguk replied in awe, eyes blown wide. "I..."

"Sh, let's not talk about that," Jin consoled, squeezing Jeongguk's hand a little tighter as he stopped him from saying what they both knew. "How long has it been? Since the accident?"

Not immediately knowing the answer, Jeongguk glanced down at his watch, seeing the date in small red numbers at the bottom of the face, surprised to see that so much time had passed.

"It'll be seven days in about an hour," Jeongguk answered, trying to gauge Jin's reaction.

"Hm," Jin hummed, closing his eyes once again, though the pressure on Jeongguk's hand didn't lessen. "And what about everyone else?"

"Oh," Jeongguk replied sadly, casting a furtive look at the curtain on the other side of the bed, towards the direction of the other two rooms.

"They are alive?" Jin asked, his tone hopeful, but guarded.

"Technically," Jeongguk said slowly. "Yoongi, he, uh, he's recovering, but they don't expect him to wake up for awhile. His body's way of protecting himself or something so that he can heal they said."

"And Tae?" Jin pressed, causing a sharp pain to shoot through Jeongguk's chest at the sound of his partner's name which he knew Jin had noticed based on the way his features had clouded.

"Um," Jeongguk started. "He's...in a coma. They don't think he's going to..."

"Don't say it," Jin cut off pleadingly, eyes scrunched closed as he processed what Jeongguk was saying. "Fuck, not Tae."

"Yeah," Jeongguk said sadly, sinking lower in his chair and pulling his knees to his chest, placing his chin on top as his eyes watered. "Yeah."

"I heard what you said earlier," Jin started some time later, both men having lapsed into an understanding silence as they digested Jeongguk's words. 

"I'm sorry?" Jeongguk asked, wiping at his eyes deftly with his free hand.

"You said you think it's your fault," Jin said gently, though his gaze was sharp as it bore into Jeongguk's own. 

"You wouldn't be here if I had been," Jeongguk retorted, sniffing loudly. "If we hadn't been fighting I would have been sitting with him, like I should have been."

"And how would that help Tae?" Jin rebuffed, gaze getting more intense. "How could either of you be expected to heal if you were both in the same condition. I'm glad you weren't in the same car, he needs you right now Kookie. He needs you beside him."

"I...I haven't even seen him," Jeongguk admitted with a quiet sob, feeling Jin's words like a punch to the gut. They sounded different coming from him. "This is my first time in here."

Jin's brows furrowed as he took stock of what Jeongguk had said, his gaze considering.

Pulling his hand out of the younger man's, Jin motioned for Jeongguk to lean forward who did without question, gasping in surprise as Jin promptly smacked him upside the back of the head unflinchingly. "Why are you like this, Kookie?! Why haven't you seen your boyfriend?"

"Ow!" Jeongguk shouted, leaning back in his seat and grabbing at his head. "What was that for??"

"Are you telling me," Jin started sternly. "That your boyfriend of two years is in a coma and you haven't even once gone in to see him? How would you feel if the roles were reversed?"

"Why does everyone keep using that same argument?" Jeongguk muttered as he rubbed at the sore spot on his head, not being willing to glare at his hyung who had only just woken up, though he was considering it.

"Because it's true?" Jin replied as if Jeongguk was stupid.

"If I were in a coma I wouldn't even know if he had come to visit me," Jeongguk replied petulantly, crossing his arms across his chest defensively.

"That's not the point and we both know it," Jin said with a glare. "I'm in a coma for one week and you forget all your manners!"

"I thought I raised you better than this!" Jin continued, holding his hand up to halt Jeongguk's protests. "Not going to see your own partner after a car accident. Pfft."

"Jiiiin," Jeongguk groaned, tilting his head back. "You make it sound so easy."

"It is easy!"

"But what if he does die?" Jeongguk said quietly, lowering his gaze back to Jin's. "I don't want that to be my last memory of him."

"And walking away from him as we left the studio is much better?" Jin asked astutely, watching Jeongguk's cheeks flame.

"No," Jeongguk admitted as another bout of silence enveloped the space. "I guess not."

"You need to go see him Kookie," Jin said knowingly. "He'd want you there with him. You two are always together, why should this be any different?"

"I just don't want him to die, Jin," Jeongguk replied, feeling his throat tighten, though he somehow managed to keep his feelings in check. "I want him to wake up so bad."

"I know Kook. I know," Jin agreed, reaching out and placing a hand on Jeongguk's head with a slight wince.

"You still need to go see him though," Jin carried on, touching Jeongguk's cheek in a soft caress. "If I were him, I'd want my partner to be beside me regardless of the state I was in. I think he'd want the same."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Jeongguk agreed, looking down.

"And Jeongguk?" Jin added, waiting until the younger man returned his gaze.

"Yeah?"

"I forgive you, by the way. For the other thing you said. About only thinking about Tae."

H-h-how??" Jeongguk asked in genuine surprise. "I don't deserve your forgiveness."

"We all deserve forgiveness," Jin replied cryptically, face darkening with an unspoken thought. "And we all need each other right now. Just know that I understand and I'm not upset. You don't have to feel guilty about that anymore."

"I love you," Jeongguk responded after swallowing several times around the blockage in his throat in lieu of saying anything else. "I'm happy you're back hyung, it's not the same without you."

"I'm happy I'm back too. Now go get a nurse or something, my head is killing me."

"Yes hyung," Jeongguk replied with a sad smile, standing from his chair before turning back and placing a kiss on Jin's forehead, resting his own against his as the two shared a quiet moment between them. "I really am happy you're awake. Thank you for coming back to us."

Jin smiled softly and closed his eyes as he watched Jeongguk walking away, pulling his phone out of his pocket and sending a message to the group most likely as he left the room before Jin found himself wondering aloud. "You aren't the only one to be guilty for hurting him Kook."

"Angel?" Jeongguk called as he exited the room, shooting off a text to the rest of the members as he closed the door gently.

"Hm?" Angel hummed, looking up from the chart in her hand, body casual as she leaned against the back counter behind the desk.

"What's up?" She continued, realizing after a moment that Jeongguk was waiting for her to look up, eyes furrowing when she saw the somewhat dazed expression on the younger man's face. "Jeongguk...are you okay?"

"He's...."

"He's?"

"Jin," Jeongguk said slowly. "He's awake."

"Oh!" Angel exclaimed in genuine surprise, blinking rapidly before turning to the phone and quickly dialing the extension. "Just give me a second."

"Hey doc," she continued into the receiver a moment later. "Hey, can you come up to ICU? We have a zombie on our hands."

"Okay great," Angel said as she hung up, straightening her posture and turning fully to Jeongguk. "Doc said he'll be right up, then I'll head in and see how he's doing. I take it you two talked?"

"What does zombie mean?" Jeongguk asked, ignoring her other question.

"Ah," Angel replied with a blush, looking down abashedly. "When you work in ICU for as long as I have you learn to try and have fun in anyway you can. Zombie is our term for someone who wasn't expected to make it who wakes up. Which is kinda fucked up when you think about it."

"That's your idea of fun?" Jeongguk asked incredulously, eyebrow raised.

"Hey now, when you are around death as much as we are, you have to do something," Angel replied defiantly, though her cheeks remained a dark shade of red.

"I mean, it's kind of funny," Jeongguk conceded as the pair waited for the doctor's arrival. "As far as ICU jokes go. I'm sure there's worse out there."

"Oh look, Doctor Soo," Angel deflected, winking deftly at the younger man as they swiftly changed the subject.

"I hear one of our patients has woken up?" Dr. Soo asked as he breezed into the ICU ward, his jacket dramatically flowing behind him due to the rush of wind from the large doors. 

"Yes, Kim Seokjin apparently," Angel confirmed, rustling on the desk for some information.

"His chart is at the top of his bed," Jeongguk supplied after spending half a minute watching Angel searching on the desk and through the cabinet for something she seemingly couldn't find. "If that's what you are looking for."

"Ah, thanks kiddo," Angel laughed, straightening up.

"I'm not a kid," Jeongguk muttered under his breath, though the amused look Angel shot his way told him that she had heard what he had said.

"Mhmm. Now, why don't you go back to the rest of your friends while we go check on Jin, okay? This will probably take awhile."

"Can I come back afterwards?" Jeongguk pressed, thoughts turning to Yoongi and Tae who he still hadn't seen.

"Probably best to limit yourself to one emotional interaction at a time," Angel supplied, watching Jeongguk intently. "You seem a bit worn out as it is."

"I guess," Jeongguk admitted, suddenly feeling more exhausted then he had in the last week. "Maybe you're right."

"They aren't going anywhere kiddo. It's pretty late anyways. Go talk to your friends, get some sleep and in the morning you can all come say hi, okay?"

"Will someone come give us an update on how he is?"

"I can send someone your way for sure. Now shoo, Jin is waiting, I'm sure his head is throbbing right now as it is. Sleep tight Jeongguk, i'll see you tomorrow."

"Thanks Angel," Jeongguk replied with a smile. "Seriously."

A few moments later, Jeongguk found himself knocking hesitantly on the waiting room where the rest of the members were, thoughts turning to the fact that he hadn't spoken with them since he and Jimin had exchanged heated words and he had dramatically left the room hours earlier.

Hearing no objections, Jeongguk pushed the door open, peering inside to find Hobi and Joon playing cards on the coffee table in the center of the room, while Jimin sat curled in a ball in the corner. Based on their calm demeanours, Jeongguk figured they hadn't seen his message.

The three men paused what they were doing to look up at Jeongguk as he entered, closing the door quietly behind him as he waited for someone to speak. Now that he was back with the other uninjured members, the weight of what had just happened settled on him.

Bursting into tears, Jeongguk ignored the concerned looks from Hobi and Namjoon and walked directly over to Jimin who had turned and was sitting upright in his chair now. Dropping to his knees, Jeongguk fell between the older man's legs and buried his face into his chest.

Without hesitation, the fight seemingly having left his body hours earlier, Jimin shifted in his chair so he was sitting farther forward in his seat, enveloping Jeongguk with his body as he pulled him close, wrapping his arms around him tightly and placing his chin on his head.

"Shh baby, it's okay," Jimin cooed, gently rocking the pair of them back and forward as Jeongguk continued to cry, his sobs wracking his body as the guilt from earlier washed over him, only to be washed away immediately as he recalled his hyung's words from earlier.

Gentle hands could be felt on his back as Namjoon and Hoseok moved to bracket him on either side, both men sitting on the floor and leaning against him as he cried, no one saying anything other than Jimin's soft placations, the four men huddled tightly together.

"Are any of your phones on?" Jeongguk asked some time later, hiccuping in surprise as his sobs started to lessen, catching him off-guard and pulling a cautious smile from the three men around him.

"Not currently," Joon answered for all three, looking around for his phone.

"Why, what did you say?"

"I said I loved you guys and I was sorry," Jeongguk started, sitting up and accepting the tissues that Hobi offered him with a watery smile, using one to wipe at his eyes and one to blow his snotty nose. "And also, Jin's awake."

"WHAT?!" all three men shouted in unison, sitting up intently. "Why didn't you start with that??"

"I just wanted to say I loved you first," Jeongguk admitted, wiping his eyes again. "I...I think I am still in shock from it all."

"What happened?" Jimin asked soothingly.

"I went to see them after talking to Angel, the nurse," Jeongguk started, sitting up a bit straighter, though his eyes were unfocused. "I stopped to see Jin first, but I don't know, as soon as I got there I just felt this really strong urge to tell him what was going on?"

"I guess, maybe he woke up during that time because while I was telling him what was happening I had, like, a panic attack I think? I was having trouble breathing and I was crying really hard and then I heard someone trying to calm me down and tell me to breathe."

"It took me a few seconds to realize that the only other person there with me was him so I looked up and he was staring at me with his big brown eyes," Jeongguk continued, hiccuping loudly as fresh tears threatened to spill over.

"I went and got him some water and then he started asking how everyone was doing so I told him. He was really upset when I started to talk about Tae and told me to stop so I did and we just sat and held hands. I was in shock then too, so it was kinda nice."

"And then....then he told me that he had heard what I said. I-"

"You?" Joon pushed as the younger lapsed into silence, Jeongguk looking up and realizing that the older man looked shaken, his composure wavering.

"I told him I thought I should be in his place," Jeongguk admitted.

"What do you mean?" Hobi questioned.

"If Tae and I hadn't been fighting," Jeongguk replied quietly, "I would have been in that car with Tae and Yoongi. It should be me in that hospital bed, not Jin. It's my fault this all happened."

A gasp slipped through Jimin's lips as Jeongguk finished speaking, the older man looking at Jeongguk for a long period of time as he tried to process what he had said before going over their previous interactions and realizing that he may have been a bit harsh on their maknae.

"You can't possibly think that baby," Jimin said finally, eyes focused on Jeongguk's. "Fate can be cruel. But you can't put that kind of guilt on your shoulders. It's not healthy. And Tae needs you to be with him, not in another hospital bed."

"That's funny," Jeongguk replied with a wet laugh, dabbing at his eyes. "That's what Jin said too. Then he slapped me upside the head, told me I was being stupid and that he raised me better than this. Then something about only being gone for seven days, but you know Jin."

"That sounds like Jin," Namjoon said glassily, sniffing loudly. "Then what?"

"He told me he forgave me," Jeongguk replied in disbelief. "Said we needed to band together during this time and that we couldn't blame each other for stupid things. It meant a lot to me."

"No doubt. Is he okay?"

"I think so," Jeongguk said thoughtfully, humming under his breath. "He asked me to go get a nurse and then when I told Angel he was awake she called Dr. Soo and the two of them kicked me out so they could go check on him."

"She said they'd send someone to update us a little bit later and that we could go visit them in the morning once he's had some rest. I tried to get back in, but she said I was too emotionally exhausted and that I needed to sleep."

"She sounds like a smart lady," Hobi said astutely, reaching out to touch the back of Jeongguk's head. "I think all of us could get a good night's rest for a change. Maybe try sleeping at the same time?"

"Do you...do you think we could watch a movie first?" Jeongguk asked.

"I kinda just want to cuddle for a bit, if that's okay," he continued when no one said anything, watching as their faces morphed in understanding as he shrunk in on himself, body feeling small and foreign. "Even if I don't deserve it."

"I'd love to cuddle," Jimin replied, tightening his hold on Jeongguk briefly. "Let's head over to the other room with the cots and we can push them all together and watch something until we fall asleep, does that sound okay?"

"That sounds great," Jeongguk agreed, smiling softly.

"This Angel lady, she sounds pretty awesome," Namjoon noted as the four men entered the other room, taking a few moments to re-adjust the beds, pushing them into the corner so that they were against two walls and less likely to shift. "What she said seemed to help hey?"

"I was wrong," Jeongguk admitted, shedding his clothes and pulling on his pajamas which were sitting on top of the pile in his assigned locker. "I shouldn't have overreacted to what Jimin said earlier and I should have told you guys what was bothering me. I'm really sorry."

"Our little maknae is growing up," Jimin replied teasingly, stepping forward and pulling him into a hug before reaching behind the younger and grabbing his own change of clothes. "And for what it's worth Kooks, I forgive you too. Jin is right. We need each other."

"Yeah," Jeongguk responded quietly, clambering on top of the four cots and moving to the middle before looking up at the other three men and waiting for them to join. "I love you guys. I couldn't do this without you."

"Love you too, JK."

"Love you Kooks."

"Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hello, annyeong! 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter of Say I Love You! I'd absolutely love to hear your thoughts on Angel and the conversation with Jin, both which were a ton of fun to write, but emotional too. It's been fun re-reading this story as I update it, so I hope you are enjoying it too and I will see you on Thursday for the next update! 
> 
> Come say hi on socials, all my best! J x
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JessaJessJ) | [Tumblr](https://hobrerek.tumblr.com/) | [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/CrazyJWrites)


	4. Talk to Him

**Day 8:**

Soft rays of sunlight streamed through the cracks in the blinds as Jeongguk rose into consciousness, his head moving up and down gently, taking a few moments to realize that his head was on top of Jimin's chest, the older man's arms wrapped around him.

Shifting slightly so he could look around, Jeongguk could feel one man's presence behind him, registering that it had to be Namjoon since Hobi could be seen lying peacefully on Jimin's other side, their legs intertwined as the pair slept on.

Gently extricating himself from the group cuddle party, Jeongguk deftly slid off the end of their makeshift bed, careful not to jostle the cots too much in case he woke the other men, though they were all sound sleepers and had yet to register his movements.

Walking over to his locker, mindful of making too much noise, Jeongguk quickly stripped, applying deodorant to his underarms and wincing at the loud snap of the cap, though no one so much as moved at the sound. Pulling a shirt over his head, Jeongguk yawned quietly to himself.

As he finished getting dressed and bent to grab his shoes and slip out of the room, Jeongguk caught sight of the clock indicating it was still early, not yet eight, which surprised him as the four men hadn't gone to sleep until late, almost 3:30 before the movie finished.

Making his way down the hall, Jeongguk smiled in greeting to the nurses at the nearby station who returned the smile, the women warming up to him now that he was actively trying to be less of a scowling mess, his attitude earlier in the week having been admittedly a tad hostile.

"Would anyone like a coffee?" Jeongguk asked as he tried to suppress another yawn, coming to a halt in front of the women as he failed and yawned loud enough to pop his ears. "I'm heading to the cafeteria."

"We're good, thank you Jeongguk," one nurse replied with a smile.

"Your Angel's friend, right?" Jeongguk asked after a moment of hesitation, realizing he had seen the women before when he had first met Angel. 

"Oh!" The nurse replied with a blush, looking down and smiling. "Erm, yeah. Erica."

"Hi Erica," Jeongguk replied. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," Erica muttered, not making eye contact as her cheeks continued to flame, her embarrassment evident.

"You two are hopeless," Jeongguk said in amusement, laughing with the other two nurses. "Please date."

"Oh my god, not you too! Even my mom agrees."

"Probably a pretty good sign," Jeongguk retorted with a final laugh, touching the top of the counter with a quick tap before pushing away and walking towards the cafeteria, stretching his arms and back muscles as he walked, slowly waking himself up more and more.

Walking into the cafeteria Jeongguk was surprised to find the room mostly empty, though he remembered as he was filling up his drink that the doc had said that most of this wing had been cleared to give the band privacy, many people having tried to get in at various points.

Filling up a cup with sweet, scorching black liquid, Jeongguk slid more packets of sugar that strictly necessary into his pocket as he blew the steam off the top of his drink, looking around for someone he could pay and realizing that there was no one there.

Slipping the won onto the counter, Jeongguk reached over the edge of the cash register and grabbed a pen, loosely scrawling a note to accompany the bill, placing them both under the corner of the register before heading back to the door, nodding in greeting to the lone doctor nearby.

Letting his feet lead the way, Jeongguk found himself entering the ICU unit within minutes, noting that the nurse behind the desk was not Angel and also that the guards outside Tae's door were different from the ones the night before, having switched sometime in the night.

"Good morning, sir," the male nurse greeted him, pulling Jeongguk's attention forward as he came to a stop in front of the desk. "Here to see your friends?"

"Yes sir," Jeongguk replied blearily, rubbing at his eyes as he tried to finish waking up. "I'm with BTS."

"Duh," the male retorted, grimacing when he realized his words. "Sorry, I mean, yeah, of course sir. Er, you know as in of course I know that because you are YOU and I am ME and everyone in Korea knows Jeon Jeongguk so obviously I know who you- I'm going to stop talking now."

Saving the man from further embarrassment, Jeongguk bit down his response, sensing the other man would blush for days straight if he called him a cute fanboy like he had planned on doing originally, instead settling on asking whether he could go in and receiving a curt nod.

"Mr and Mrs. Kim are in there currently," the nurse tacked on as Jeongguk started to turn away, pulling his attention back. "Er, just so you know."

"Which ones?" Jeongguk asked genuinely, hoping it was Jin's parents, smiling when the man confirmed his suspicions. "Thanks."

Shaking his head in amusement as he walked away from the nurse, Jeongguk quietly entered the room, instantly recognizing that two of the nicer chairs from the waiting area were missing, hearing hushed voice coming from Jin's curtained off area.

Peeking in, Jeongguk felt as the corner of his lips pulled into a pleased smile, taking in the sight of both of Jin's parents sitting together at the head of his hospital bed, all three in a tight embrace as they whispered to each other too quietly for Jeongguk to hear.

Sensing movement, Jin carefully lifted his head, smiling in greeting at Jeongguk who pointed towards the other rooms, waiting for Jin to nod his understanding before the younger man was stepping back, realigning the curtains and turning towards what he assumed was Yoongi's room.

With breath held, Jeongguk slowly walked towards the next curtained area, stopping outside for several minutes as he tried to imagine what he was about to see, eventually relenting as he reached up with shaking hands and pulled back the curtain to the room.

In front of him, the smallest (and fiercest) member lay peacefully on the hospital bed, body propped up so he was basically sitting as several contraptions held his neck upright and in a position that was probably best for healing, or so Jeongguk imagined.

Much to the youngest's surprise, there was no clear evidence of damage to the older man's face, skin clear of scratches or burns, though there were dark bags under his eyes which was not surprising in any way.

Laced around Yoongi's hands were crisp white bandages, his usually slender fingers covered in the material that would restrict him from moving readily if (no WHEN Jeongguk scolded himself) the man woke up. Peeking out from under his robe were a few bandages on his chest also.

"I thought you would look worse," Jeongguk admitted out loud as he stepped closer to the bed, placing a gentle hand on the other man's arm, careful to avoid the bandages. "But instead you just look tired and sore. Not much different than usual really."

"I know you aren't awake yet," Jeongguk continued, feeling another urge to open up to the sleeping man, similar to how he had felt around Jin the day previous. "But I just wanted to say that I love you and I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I was being selfish."

"I'm not sure if you can hear me in there, but I just wanted to let you know that Jin woke up yesterday," Jeongguk said, smiling despite the heaviness in his chest. "He was only awake for like two minutes before he started scolding me like the mother hen he is."

"Tae...he's not doing so well Yoonz," Jeongguk carried on sadly, referring to his nickname for the older man. "Doc said they don't expect him to wake up I guess? He's alive, or I mean, as much as you can be, but he's in a coma and they don't think he'll open his eyes."

"I haven't even gone to see him yet because I'm so scared that he's going to die and that my last memory of him is going to be seeing him broken in a hospital bed, but everyone is telling me to stop being dumb and just go see him, so I'll do that next I guess."

"You know," Jeongguk started up again sometime later, not even sure when he had dropped off into a thoughtful silence. "I'll always remember the day you told me that I liked Tae. Partially because you were right, but mainly because YOU had to tell ME how I felt."

"I mean, you were right of course, because you are always right, hyung. But I just...I'm so grateful for all of the support you've shown Tae and I over the years. I really don't know if we would be together without you which just makes me miss you more."

"The letter you sent us, the one we talked about sort of on the Fiesta dinner? The times you covered for us so we could sneak out for dates. The times you sat up with me when I was scared and confused and just listened to me talk."

"I'm so grateful for all of that," Jeongguk said genuinely, swallowing audibly around the blockage in his throat. "And also because when you admitted to yourself that you were also gay, I was the first person you told. I'll cherish that forever hyung."

"So, I mean, I don't really know what I am supposed to say here. The doctor's said you are healing up pretty well and they hope that you'll wake up in the next week or so which is good. I just, I want you to come back to me hyung. I miss you. You make my life better."

Stopping to compose himself once more, Jeongguk hummed as he carefully leaned down and kissed Yoongi's forehead, his breath tickling some hairs that were floating in front of his face before he continued. "If it's okay with you hyung, I might just sit here for a bit."

"I'll go see Tae sometime today. But it's early still and...I like being around you. So I think I'll stay for a bit, maybe I can answer some of my messages and read you what people are saying and then we can talk about them when you wake up. Okay hyung?"

And even though Jeongguk knew that Yoongi wasn't going to respond, it surprised him how much better he felt having just said a few simple words to one of his closest friends and older brother. "Love you Yoonz, I'll be right back with a chair."

Settling in a few minutes later, Jeongguk kissed Yoongi's forehead once more before sitting down in the chair, gently lifting up his legs so his feet were resting on a ledge just underneath the top of the bed, shifting until he was comfortable and grabbing his phone.

Unlocking the screen, Jeongguk found himself sighing as he looked at the overwhelming number of red notifications staring up at him, spread across his phone: messages, emails, international message accounts and stupidly the social media he'd left open before the accident.

Hesitating for only a moment, Jeongguk hovered his thumb over the Twitter icon for several long seconds before making his decision, holding on the icon until it began shaking, deleting it from his phone and removing the large number of notifications along with it.

"I probably should have started doing this a week ago," Jeongguk said to Yoongi, looking up after a few seconds and then remembering that the elder wasn't in a position to answer him, swallowing audibly. "Oh yeah. Sorry Yoonz. I've literally only used this to talk to the guys."

"I haven't even spoken to my own parents and they are in Seoul right now," Jeongguk continued, debating where to start and finally settling on opening his phone app and going through the log of missed calls. "Jesus, Yoonz, I have 154 missed calls."

"Bang PD, the guys, my mom, our co-CEO, some of our back-up danc- Oh! Look, all the 97-liners called me," Jeongguk said with emotion, feeling a pang in his chest as he looked at how many times his friends had called him, Yugyeom in particular.

Switching to the messages app, Jeongguk scrolled through the huge swath of messages waiting for him, feeling a sense of anxiety creep over him as he read the number at the top. "Yoonz, there are literally 414 messages. Oh my god."

Taking a deep shuddering breath, noticing some of the totals on the front of the messages, Jeongguk realized that some of those numbers came out of group chats he was involved in, opening the business group chat and smiling at the messages from their dancers and crew.

"Okay, maybe that's not so bad," Jeongguk noted out loud, backing out of the group chat after getting back to the last message he recognized, noticing that the number at the top of his inbox was 79 less than before. "Okay, start with group chats I guess."

"Is it bad that I plan on just reading these for now?" Jeongguk asked, humming to himself to fill the silence as he opened another group chat. "I'll obviously answer them eventually, but for now I think I just want to see what people are saying."

"That's a lie," Jeongguk said only seconds later after he finished reading what the other members were sending in their BTS chat, typing out a response to let them know where he was since they were freaking out and he hadn't thought of it. "Maybe I'll send a few."

"Okay," Jeongguk announced four minutes later. "We're down almost 200 messages between the crew group chat, our member group chat, a group chat with Bang PD about...oh. You don't know do you?"

Looking up from his phone, Jeongguk watched Yoongi with a frown, his emotions erratic.

"Erm, Park Young, our driver? He...he didn't make it Yoonz," Jeongguk told the other man quietly, dropping his gaze to the bottom of the bed in shame as he realized he had forgotten about it with the stress of everything else. "Fuck, I'm such an asshole."

"He left behind a wife and three kids," Jeongguk continued in a defeated tone. "We tried to pay for the funeral but Bang PD said BigHit would, so we put some money together to pay for their kids schooling. His wife seemed to really appreciate that."

"Bang PD was asking if we wanted the donation to be made public, but I guess it was already. They asked my opinion, but I've been ignoring my phone so they must have gone ahead with it. Makes sense though I guess, show people that we take care of our own."

"This is all such a mess," Jeongguk said sadly, removing his feet from the rest and leaning forward so he could drop his head into his arms against the side of the bed. "I wish you were okay already, Yoonz. You'd know what to say right now to make me feel better, you always do."

Time passed as Jeongguk sat watching Yoongi, focusing his attention on the rise and fall of the older man's chest, finding solace in the motion as he allowed himself to calm down, waiting until his breaths were less shaky and more sturdy, his anxiety fading slightly.

Leaning back slightly so he could turn his head against the bed, Jeongguk opened his phone once more, skimming over the messages from the other members before backing out and opening the 97-liner group chat, feeling tears prick at the back of his eyes almost instantly.

Not only had his friends been reaching out Jeongguk discovered, they had also been speaking to each other about plans for ways they could help him and the other members, things like picking up his dry cleaning he had forgotten about and going to check his and Tae's apartment.

By the end of the messages, the more than 150 of them, Jeongguk was openly crying, turning his face into the blankets so they'd absorb the wetness from his eyes, letting himself feel grateful for his friends and the messages of support they had been sending over the last week.

Without thinking, Jeongguk found himself opening the phone app once again, tapping the number in his favourites and pulling his phone to his ear, listening to the rings one after another, starting to lose hope when a familiar voice came out of the speaker.

"Jeongguk!!"

"Hi Gyeomie," Jeongguk said with a sniffle, not bothering to mask his crying. "Hi, I've missed you."

"I miss you too, Kookie," Yugyeom replied empathetically. "I've been so worried about you. I mean, we all have, but me in particular."

"I don't deserve friends like you," Jeongguk retorted quietly. "I ignored you for...what? Eight days? And you still went and checked our apartment for us, threw out the bad food, got my laundry, made that payment for me. I just....fuck, I love you so much Gyeomie."

"I love you too, Jeongguk," his friend responded, though Jeongguk could hear the emotions in his voice. "And please don't ever apologize for something like that. This is what friends are for. You'd do the same for me."

"Yeah. Yeah I would."

"Exactly, so it's okay."

"I'm more just happy you called," Yugyeom continued. "I've wanted to come see you so badly, but Joonie-hyung said that you were having a hard time and weren't even speaking to them so he wasn't sure it was a good idea."

"They don't think he's going to wake up Gyeomie," Jeongguk replied with a choked-voice, knowing his friend would understand. "And that scares the shit out of me. I just shut down for a few days and I know you deserve better, I just don't know how to ever be okay with that."

"Jeongguk stop," Yugyeom said sternly. "Stop apologizing, your partner is in a coma, why the hell are you apologizing to me as if I was more important than that. I'm not. We're best friends, it's okay, I get it, I love Tae too, okay?"

"Yeah," Jeongguk answered some time later after allowing himself to cry, glancing up at Yoongi to check his breathing before answering. "Thank you. Truly."

"You're welcome, Kookie. Love you man."

"Would...do you....could you come?" Jeongguk asked a moment later, grateful that the silence wasn't uncomfortable. "I...I could really use you right now. I need my best friend if that's okay?"

"Of course," Yugyeom replied and Jeongguk would swear he could hear him smiling.

"I'm bringing everyone though," Yugyeom amended, tone still warm. "We stopped by to visit Jin, Yoongi and Tae last week but weren't able to see everyone else because you were with Park Young's family. We'd all like to see you guys."

"I didn't know that," Jeongguk said quietly, casting a furtive look at the area of the other room. "I haven't even gone to see Tae yet, I'm too scared. I don't want that to be the last time I see him alive Gyeomie."

"How about we go together when I get there?" Yugyeom asked after a few seconds, his sincerity evident as it always was with his friend. "I can't imagine how scared you must feel, but BamBam and I can go with you or Mark since he and Tae are friends. You won't be alone."

"That sounds really nice," Jeongguk answered with another sniffle, his gratitude showing itself in the form of more tears. "Thank you Gyeomie. You're my best friend. I love you, can't wait to see you."

"Love you too Kookie. I'll go call everyone, okay?"

"Do you think you can come today?" Jeongguk asked weakly, his tone hopeful.

"Regardless of everyone else's availability, I'll be there today for sure okay Kookie?" Yugyeom responded, his voice soothing. "I'll always be there for my number one best friend."

"Thank you," Jeongguk whispered. "I'll be sitting with Yoonz when you get here. I'm just going to sit and respond to messages and spend the day with him I think."

"Okay, sounds good Kookie. Love you, see you in a few hours!"

"Love you too Gyeomie, see you soon."

Jeongguk was reading some of his messages out loud to Yoongi when the rest of the members arrived in their room, standing outside the partition for a few minutes and simply watching as their maknae recited a story some of his friends were telling him over text.

"And then," Jeongguk said with a breathy laugh, "he says he fell off!"

All three men smiled as they watched Jeongguk burst into laughter, his chest heaving with the force of his laughs, Namjoon noting that the entire time the younger laughed he was watching Yoongi's intently.

"If you can hear me, Yoonz, remind me to tell you the story again when you wake up, okay?" Jeongguk noted, leaning back in his chair. "That was hilarious."

"You seem to be having fun," Jimin said quietly so as not to startle the younger man, smiling wide at his reaction.

"Oh my God, how long have you been standing there?" Jeongguk asked as he clapped a hand against his chest, heart racing as he shot daggers at the other three as they stepped through the curtains with chairs. "You scared the shit out of me."

"Long enough to hear the story."

"That was actually pretty funny though," Hobi smiled as he sat down beside Jeongguk, stopping to give him a one armed hug before settling down completely. "Morning Kook."

"Morning," Jeongguk answered with a smile, leaning into his friend's touch. "Sleep okay?"

"Best sleep I've had in a week," Namjoon answered truthfully. "I think we all needed last night more than we thought we did."

"Agreed," Jimin nodded, leaning forward to pass Jeongguk the coffee and egg sandwich he had in his hands. "Eat up Kookie. These are for you."

"Hm," Jeongguk hummed as he accepted the items, placing the coffee onto the ledge he had been using for his feet and staring at it with furrowed brows.

"It's just coffee?" Jimin noted, though he wasn't sure whether he was asking or telling at this point as he looked on.

"Oh no, I know that," Jeongguk replied, turning to look at Jimin. "Just now that I see this, I bought myself a coffee this morning before I came here and now I am realizing I have no idea what I did with it. Omg I lost a coffee, what have I come to?"

"Kookie," Jimin said fondly with a shake of his head, Joon and Hobi laughing along with him. "Eat up, you are getting too skinny."

"Yes mom," Jeongguk answered with his mouth full before turning back to Yoongi. "You wouldn't let me get skinny, would you Yoonz?"

"Does that help?" Hobi asked after listening to Jeongguk telling Yoongi that they had to go for lamb skewers when the older man woke up, a long standing joke between the two of them.

"Does what help?"

"Talking to him as if he can hear you? You did it to Jin too."

"Yes," Jeongguk replied honestly. "Angel was telling me that sometimes patients in comas wake up and can recite full stories that they heard when they were asleep so I thought it might help to keep him updated? I always talk to him, it makes me feel better I guess. Is that dumb?"

"No, of course not baby," Jimin answered before Hobi could. "I think Yoongi-hyung would really like that. You should tell him that if he wakes up, that you were telling him stories everyday."

"When."

"Sorry?" Jimin asked, confused at the look the younger was shooting him.

"When he wakes up," Jeongguk amended. "He's going to wake up, I know he is! It might not be right away, but he'll wake up because he's really strong and stubborn and he'll do it just to prove a point. So no 'if's,' he'll wake up soon, I can feel it."

"I like the sounds of that," Jimin said with a smile that seemed to placate the younger, who turned back to his task and downed the egg sandwich in just a few bites.

"Oh my god, that was good," Jeongguk groaned, bouncing excitedly when Namjoon pulled a second one out of his pocket.

"Same old Jeongguk," the latter said with a fond laugh as the younger man unwrapped the second sandwich and downed that one as well, only stopping long enough to wipe some crumbs off his lips, patting his belly like the small child he was when he finished. 

"Thank you Namjoonie!"

"That was all Jimin," Joon smiled. "I just happened to have bigger pockets."

"Thank you Chimmie," Jeongguk corrected, leaning forward to smile at the other man before taking a sip of his coffee and humming contently.

"What's gotten you in such a good mood? Hobi asked carefully, making sure to keep the tone of his voice friendly so the younger wouldn't think he was attacking him, which he wasn't.

"Gyeomie is coming!" Jeongguk replied happily. "I can't wait to see everyone."

"All of them?" Joon inquired, pulling out his phone and scanning the screen until he saw a message from Jackson confirming it, smiling fondly at how predictable his friend could be. "Ah yes, Jackson-hyung and everyone are coming too."

"Did he say when they would get here?" Jeongguk asked with a light in his eyes, leaning forward subconsciously.

"No, it just says they are meeting up to head to the hospital to come see us and wanted to know if we wanted them to pick anything up for us."

"Banana milk," Jeongguk said at the same time that Hobi and Jimin replied "strawberry milk," all three bursting into laughter. 

"Yes," Joon sighed sarcastically, fake typing a response on his phone. "Thank you for coming to see us Jackson-hyung, please bring milk for children."

"Hey!" Jeongguk said affronted. "I'm a grown adult thank you very much!"

"Yes what a good Gukkie," Hobi replied in a high-pitched voice, pinching the younger man's cheeks. "Promise we will see if we can get our little boy some banana milk that he loves."

"You asked for milk too," Jeongguk said with a laugh, standing up and stretching his muscles. "I have to pee. Does anyone want anything?"

"No, we're good Kook," Namjoon answered for all three after checking briefly. "Jackson says they are close though, so don't be too long."

"Okay!" the younger replied happily, gently stepping around everyone and exiting the small space. "Be back soon!"

"Should we be offended?" Jimin asked to no one in particular when he was sure that Jeongguk was out of ear shot.

"No," Joon answered quickly, knowing instinctively what Jimin was asking. "You know what Kooks is like, Tae will tell him something or one of us will tell him something and he won't believe it unless it comes from Yoongi, Gyeomie or a therapist. He's always been like that."

"Sometimes when we are really close to people we have to hear the advice from an outside perspective for it to make sense. Yugyeom has always been that person for Jeongguk, even going back to our trainee days."

"I know," Jimin sighed. "I just wish I could have helped him more."

"You HAVE helped him," Hoseok pointed out fiercely, placing a hand on Jimin's shoulder. "You've done so much to make things better for him Jiminie. You've helped me. You've helped Joonie. You've been so strong through all of this. He wouldn't be ready to see them if it weren't for you."

"He's right," Namjoon said with a nod. "You calling him out both times has pushed him forward into addressing his fears. Ever since he saw Jin he's started to get back to being the Jeongguk we know and love. You always take care of him and he wouldn't be in here without you."

"I hope so," Jimin replied quietly, looking down at his hands, though the other two men noted the small smile that was pulling at the corner of his lips. "Thanks guys."

"Guys!" Jeongguk said excitedly as he walked back in. "Come see Jin! He just said you haven't visited yet."

"Alright, alright," Namjoon said with a laugh as Jeongguk physically started grabbing their arms and pulling them up. "We're coming, we're coming, you know we want to see him too."

"Wait!" Jeongguk almost shouted, stopping as they exited and turning back briefly.

"Love you Yoonz," Jeongguk said as he peeked back in, smiling when the other three men did the same before they turned back towards the front of the room, heading towards the front and missing the three quick beeps on the monitor.

_Love you too._

"Where have you been?" Jin said the moment the four men stepped through the curtains, placing one hand on his hip dramatically. "It's 10:30, visiting hours started at 10!"

"Oh Jin," Joon whimpered with a wet laugh, stepping forward and burying his face in the crook of the elder's neck.

"I'm so glad you are okay," Jeongguk heard Joon whisper, feeling the corners of his own lips pull up as he watched Jin's face soften, reaching one arm up to cup the back of their leader's head as the two shared an intimate moment.

"Shh, it's okay Namjoonie," Jin cooed gently.

"I missed you so much," the younger man continued, not looking like he had any intentions of pulling away, Hobi and Jimin bouncing 'patiently' behind him as they waited. "Everything is awful when you aren't here with me, J."

"I missed you too," Jin hummed sincerely. "But I'm here now."

"Thank you for coming back," Joon whispered so quietly that if they hadn't all been against each other in the small space, he most certainly would have missed it. 

"Can we say hi?" Jimin questioned quietly after another half minute passed, his voice small, though it was enough to startle Namjoon out of his reverie.

"Sorry, of course," Joon replied guiltily, stepping back to allow Jimin to rush forward, 'gently' throwing himself on top of Jin and promptly bursting into tears. "Jin-hyung!"

"Oh Jimin-ah," Jin said softly, holding the man with his good arm as he cried. "You sweet thing, it's okay."

"Don't ever do that to me again!" Jimin shouted through his tears, sobs racking through his small chest. 

"I'll do my best," Jin said sardonically, though he eased the blow with a kiss to Jimin's blonde mop, a distinct glassiness visible in the elder's eyes.

Pulling back, Jimin smiled wetly at the older man, kissing his forehead before stepping out of the way and instead burying his tear stained cheeks into Namjoon's chest to allow Hoseok to move into the space instead, the three men watching as Hoseok's emotions played out on his face.

"You're back," Hobi muttered weakly before himself bursting into tears, stepping forward to the head of the bed and cupping Jin's head gently against his own chest as tears began to stream down his face, the older man holding him gently, despite the awkward angle.

"I'm here Hobi. You're my hope, I'm your hope," Jin said with a soft smile, the younger managing to smile through his tears, though a soft sob slipped through his lips all the same. 

"I'm so happy you woke up," Hobi admitted finally, wiping at his eyes. "So, so happy."

"We all are," Jeongguk tacked on, finding that the familiar blockage in his throat was back once again. "Though I'm happy you have other people you can mother hen now instead of just me."

"Mhmm," Jin hummed sternly. "And have you gone to see the others yet?"

"Hey now!" Jeongguk retorted, crossing his hands over his chest defensively. "I'll have you know I spent the morning with Yoongi if you remember correctly!"

"Oh yeah," Jin said sheepishly, blushing slightly. "I am concussed, you can't blame me for that, so ha!"

"How are you simultaneously 26 and 12 at the same time?" Joon asked with a laugh, his tears having cleared up slightly. "Our eldest and our youngest always fighting, what kind of mother are you Jinnie?"

"First I'm Uncle, now I'm Mother, I can never keep my role straight!"

"Wait, when were you an uncle?" Hobi asked with a confused expression on his face, looking between everyone. "None of us can get pregnant.....right?"

"Oh my God," Jeongguk said with a shake of his head as he watched Jimin trying to explain basic anatomy to the other man.

"I know that!" Jeongguk heard distantly, hearing a noise from the front of the room that caught his attention and stepping away, pushing the curtains aside to reveal the seven figures who had just walked into the room who all turned to look at him simultaneously. "Gyeomie!"

Crossing the room in a few large steps, Jeongguk threw himself at the taller man, barely giving him enough time to pass off what was in his hand before Jeongguk was colliding with his chest, burying his face in the crook of his best friend's neck and holding on for dear life.

"You came," Jeongguk whispered weakly into Yugyeom's chest, realizing absent-mindedly that his body was shaking as exhaustion, fear and an overwhelming gratitude for his best friend washed over his body all at once, leaving his legs feeling like jelly as he clutched on.

"Of course I came, Kookie," Yugyeom replied with the breathy laugh that Jeongguk had come to love as he reciprocated the hug and held on just as tightly. "I'll always be here for you, you know that."

"I'm so grateful for you," Jeongguk mumbled, trying not to cry.

Pulling away and sniffing loudly, Jeongguk scanned the faces of the other six members of GOT7, all six smiling at him with fond, but concerned expressions on their faces. 

"Hey man!" BamBam said excitedly, breaking the silence and tugging Jeongguk into a hug. "Missed you."

"Missed you too," Jeongguk said genuinely as he leaned further into the hug, squeezing tightly before BamBam was pulling away and Jackson was stepping forward to replace him.

"I hear trouble," a voice said from behind them as Namjoon pulled back the curtains, smiling widely.

"Hey everyone," Namjoon continued, his smile genuine as he took in the sight of their fellow idols. "Genuinely, I haven't ever been happier to see you all. Thank you so much for coming."

"Namjoon-ah!" Jackson shouted, throwing himself at the younger man who only laughed.

"Jackson-ah, we're in a hospital, keep your voice down!" JB hissed at the same time that Jinyoung started to scold the older man for the same thing, the pair stopping long enough to look at each before all the men were suddenly laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

"It's good to see you guys," Jimin said as he stepped around the exchange between Namjoon and Jackson, which Jeongguk noted was decidedly longer than normal, patting Youngjae on the shoulder and pulling him into a tight hug. "Glad you were able to come."

"Of course," JB answered for all of them. "We came last week too, but you were dealing with the death of your driver. Our condolences by the way. I am sure he was a good man."

"A very good man," Hoseok answered as the two hugged, JB instinctively reaching up to hold Hobi's head.

"It's nice to know that we always have friends around," Hobi started when the pair finally pulled apart, JB placing a steadying hand on the younger man's shoulders which the younger man found comforting, before pulling back to exchange greetings with Mark who was waiting patiently.

"Which reminds me!" A voice replied, sounding distant and forcing everyone to look around in confusion until a smirk crossed Jeongguk's face as he pulled back from the hug with Jinyoung and realized the voice had been from none other than Jin.

"So nice of you to come see me," Jin said in an incredibly sarcastic voice as everyone laughed, Jimin moving forward to pull the curtain back so he could see them and so their guests could lay eyes on him for the first time, the united gasp echoing through the room.

"Ah!" Jin exclaimed, ignoring the looks of shock and concern as he gestured dramatically. "Finally, my first REAL visitors, not people who HAVE to see me. Hello GOT7 members, is so nice to see you all!"

"Oh wow," Yonugjae said softly beside Jeongguk, his eyes locked on the bed.

"Yeah," Jeongguk responded for lack of a better answer, reaching out and placing a hand around Youngjae's waist, the older man stepping into his embrace as he stared at the monitors and contraptions holding the eldest's body together.

"Jin-hyung," JB spoke after a few seconds of silence, stepping forward and bowing which the other members quickly mimicked. "I'm so happy to hear you are awake."

"Ah, such a proper leader," Jin retorted with a sigh. "You and Namjoonie, so boring. Don't be boring, JB, come hug me."

"Erm, yes hyung?" JB answered, shooting a concerned look at the rest of them as he moved forward, leaning down and hugging him gently, pulling away suddenly with a start as Jin laughed loud and happy at whatever he had just whispered into the other's ear.

"Do we want to know?" Jinyoung asked out loud, watching as JB's cheeks coloured a frightening shade of red. 

"Probably not," Namjoon answered, looking over at him with an amused expression. "When it comes to Jin, usually some things are just better left unsaid."

"That sounds like Jin," Yugyeom said fondly as he stepped around Youngjae to slide an arm over the top of the Jeongguk's shoulders, waiting for his turn to step forward and greet the eldest. "He's always been a handful, hasn't he?"

"You have no idea," Jeongguk muttered under his breath, seeing movement out of the corner of his eye and turning to see what had caused it, body freezing as his brain tried to process what he was seeing. "Oh my fucking god."

"Jeongguk?" Jimin asked, his voice laced with concern as he quickly walked over to him, looking in the direction of where the younger was, eyes resting on the small crate. "Oh."

"Oh my god," Jeongguk whispered again, tears sprouting to his eyes and spilling down his cheeks.

"Oh Kookie," Jimin said softly, switching places with a very confused Yugyeom, though the younger at least had a sense to Jeongguk's reaction, though he wasn't sure why it was so strong. "It's okay baby, you had so much going on. It's okay, we all forgot."

"That's our dog, Jimin," Jeongguk said finally, tears staining his lips as he spoke, eyes locked on Yeontan's who looked small and frightened in his carry bag. "The day of the accident he had to go to the hospital because he ate chocolate I left out and now...I forgot about him."

"I forgot about our dog," Jeongguk continued, tears spilling over once more. "Taehyung was so mad at me when it happened, he wouldn't even speak to me and now he's in a hospital bed and instead of looking after things I forgot our own fucking dog Jimin. Omg i'm such an asshole."

"Jeongguk, you can't beat yourself up," Namjoon spoke sternly, stepping around the rest of the men to place his arms around the younger man who was shaking violently, tears streaming down his face relentlessly. "He was in good hands Guk, it's not like he was home alone. He's safe."

"But what if he hadn't been at the vet's?" Jeongguk retorted, looking up to meet Namjoon's eyes. "How would he be if he had been at home?"

"It doesn't help to think of 'what if's' though, Guk," BamBam said quietly, catching Jeongguk's attention. "You can't live like that."

"You know we are here for you," BamBam continued. "Yugyeom mentioned Tannie the next day and how he had been at the vet's so we went to get him for you since we knew you had other things going on. He's been at our place the entire time you've been here. It's okay, buddy."

"That's Taehyung's baby," Jeongguk whispered, eyes on the crate. "And not only have I not gone to see my own partner, I forgot our dog and I was the reason he was in the hospital in the first place. I'm such an utter monster, I-"

"Sh baby," Jimin cooed, stepping in. "Stop."

"You can't beat yourself up," Jinyoung said wisely, pulling Jeongguk's attention away from the crate. "No one could blame you considering what you have going on. Tannie was safe and Bam is right, you can't live on what if's. What matters is he's okay and you are okay."

"I don't really feel okay," Jeongguk answered after a pause, sensing the truth in Jinyoung's comment, though he knew he wouldn't be able to see that for awhile longer. "Everything just seems so wrong right now and I just want it to be over."

"I get it man," Jinyoung said gently, placing a hand on Jeongguk's free shoulder. "But Jin is awake, Tannie is well fed and we are here to distract you for a bit. Let us take are of you guys for a bit okay? You don't have to be okay right away. This stuff takes time."

"Okay," Jeongguk replied with a sniffle after a moment, looking up at Jinyoung and seeing the warmth behind his eyes. "I'm really happy I have friends like you guys, I'm lucky you thought to go get him for me. I...Gyeomie, Bam...I love you guys. Thank you. Thank you so much."

"Love you too," both men echoed, their smiles soft and understanding as the group of men stood huddled together, Jin watching on intently from his bed a few steps away. 

"Where's Mark?" Jackson asked eventually, all the men looking around as they realized the man was missing.

"Mark?" Jackson repeated louder, a hint of fear creeping into his voice as he looked around the room, the other men following suit before a noise drew their attention to Mark who was stepping out of Yoongi's curtained area.

"Sorry," Mark said shyly. "I was talking to Yoongi."

"You like to talk to him too?" Hobi asked, furrowing his brows at the confused look that crossed Mark's face.

"Erm, sorry, what?" Mark questioned, looking back into the room and then back at the group. "What do you mean?"

"Jeongguk was saying earlier that people in comas can sometimes hear what people outside are saying so he's been talking to him all morning about what's going on," Hobi confirmed. "I figured you were doing the same thing."

"Oh," Mark said dumbly, his tongue suddenly going dry.

"Erm, no," Mark continued, casting another look back into the room. "I was talking, talking to him."

"What do you mean?" Hobi pressed, confusion evident in his tone and expression.

"He's awake," Mark said finally, smiling softly. "He's staring at me as we speak."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hello, annyeong!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed today's update! It's nice to have another perspective in this chapter and move the story along some more. I really liked the addition of GOT7 in this and they play a big part later down the line, so I am excited to see what you all think and I will see you on Saturday for the next update! 
> 
> Come say hi on socials, all my best! J x
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JessaJessJ) | [Tumblr](https://hobrerek.tumblr.com/) | [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/CrazyJWrites)


	5. Make a Difference

"YOONGI!"

Adrenaline pulsed through Jeongguk's veins as he stepped away from the group and sprinted the ten or so steps it took to get to Yoongi's 'room,' pushing the curtains away with a flourish as Mark stepped out of the way, only to come face to face with a very much awake Yoongi.

Jeongguk wasn't sure what he expected when he got there, maybe an amused expression at them not believing he was awake, maybe a raised eyebrow as he stared on, perhaps even a glare as they came barging in. What he didn't expect was the devastated look painted onto Yoongi's features.

Instead of looking up, Yoongi's eyes were focused down, partially due to the way the brace was holding his head, but primarily because the elder was staring intently at the glaringly white bandages wrapped tightly around his hands.

"My fingers..." he whispered quietly, pain evident in his voice. "They're not broken...but...w-what..."

"There was a fire," Jimin said softly, coming to a stop beside Jeongguk as the other two men came rushing in, the members of GOT7 stepping away to give the group privacy.

"The SUV, it burst into flames for a few minutes after it hit the bridge. You were trapped inside. You don't remember?"

"No," Yoongi replied quietly, his voice thick with emotion, eyes focused down. "My fingers...are they..."

"Your hands and your chest took most of the burns," Namjoon answered for them quietly. "The doctor's thought you were knocked out right away due to your injuries, Taehyung covered your face before he lost consciousness, but he wasn't able to cover more."

"Will I ever be able to play again?" Yoongi asked after a pregnant pause, raising his eyes to look at Namjoon, his expression filled with uncertainty and pain.

"I don't know," Namjoon responded truthfully after a pregnant pause. "I never thought to ask."

"Yoongi..." Jimin whispered stepping forward. "Yoongi."

"Hi Jimin," Yoongi whispered back, looking up at him in surprise as the four men watched a tear slip down the elder's cheek.

"You never cry," Jimin replied, shock colouring his tone. "Oh god, Yoongi I'm so sorry."

"I can't lose my fingers," Yoongi whispered, mumbling to himself as a second tear slipped down his cheeks. "I'm sorry to let you see me like this, I just..."

"Don't!" Jimin replied haughtily, his voice stern. "Don't you dare apologize right now Min Yoongi."

"I'm the strong one," Yoongi continued after a moment despite Jimin's threat, looking up at them with glassy eyes. "I'm the one who doesn't cry and is always there for everyone else, that's my role. But my fingers...playing means everything to me. Jimin...my fingers..."

Jeongguk stood frozen as the elder began to cry, real genuine fat tears making their way down his cheeks, watching as Jimin stepped forward and gently pulled Yoongi into his arms, mindful of his bandages and the brace around his head. "My fingers..."

"Shh baby," Jimin cooed, stroking Yoongi's hair with soft touches. "We don't know what's going to happen yet baby, we still need to talk to the doctor's to see what they say. Breathe baby, it's okay, just breathe with me, okay?"

"It hurts," Yoongi whimpered. "I'm so scared."

"I know baby," Jimin consoled soothingly as Jeongguk's heart shattered in his chest, tears streaming down his own cheeks as he watched the exchange. "I know you're scared, we all are. But I'm going to be with you here every step of the way, okay? I'm here baby."

"Oh my God," Jeongguk said aloud, more to himself than for anyone in particular to hear. "I never even thought about his fingers."

"I didn't either," Namjoon replied quietly from beside him, expression matching as he wiped at his own tears. "I was so focused on whether he'd wake up, I never asked."

"They have to be okay," Hobi said after a moment, trying to regain his ability to breathe. "Even if they are scarred....he should still be able to play? Right?"

"I don't know," Namjoon answered, his body shrinking in on itself. "I honestly don't know."

"What about Jin?" Yoongi asked after a loud sniff, pulling back from Jimin's chest and wincing as the brace shifted, closing his eyes until the pain passed. "Where is he?"

"He's one curtained room over," Jimin answered. "GOT7 came to visit us, they are with him right now."

"So he's awake?" Yoongi asked, his cheeks damp, though his tone was hopeful.

"He woke up yesterday," Jeongguk replied, surprised after a few seconds when he recognized his own voice, shaky but strong. "He's injured obviously, but in good spirits."

"Good," Yoongi said simply, taking a shuddering breath and lapsing into a thoughtful silence. "And....and Taehyung?"

Jeongguk dropped his gaze as the question slipped from the elder's lips, closing his eyes and squeezing them tight as he tried to hold himself together.

Beside him, Hoseok and Namjoon did the same, Jimin the only one who continued to look on, gently cupping Yoongi's hands in his own, his touch barely there.

"He's in a coma, baby" Jimin said quietly, his voice shaking. "They don't think he's going to make it."

"That's....that's not possible," Yoongi replied after a long stretch of silence had passed, his gaze locked on Jeongguk's who had reverted back to his state of paralysis, all feeling and thought having left his body and brain moments earlier.

"I'm sorry," Jimin whispered finally, dropping his own gaze. "I know it's a lot to take in."

"Jeongguk," Yoongi said in lieu of answering, repeating his name until the younger looked up. "Kookie, come closer."

"Hi Yoonz," Jeongguk started, stepping to the head of the bed.

"Jeongguk..."

"Don't," Jeongguk said quietly, his voice strained. "Please don't say it, Yoonz. I know. Oh god I know. But he's not gone yet. I can't lose hope yet. Not until they tell me he's stopped breathing. I can't give up on him. I love him."

"You can't give up on him ever," Yoongi amended, his tears having dried up at the sobering news, his gaze sharp and strong as it bore into Jeongguk's own. "Taehyung is a fighter. Not until he stops breathing is right."

"I love him so much, Yoongi," Jeongguk whispered. "So much."

"And he might wake up yet, coma or not," Yoongi said strictly, his Satoori accent overwhelming with the heavy emotion in his voice. "How long has it been anyways?"

"Eight days," Jeongguk answered diligently. "Or maybe nine now, it's all a blur. It's all just been one awful day."

"I get that," Yoongi replied, his voice husky. "Don't give up on any of us though okay? We all need each other right now."

"That's what Jin said too," Jeongguk said with a wet laugh. "Mom and Dad at it again."

"I thought I was the Uncle!" a voice yelled from down the way.

"Oh my God," Jeongguk said despite himself, laughing out loud in surprise, his laughs quickly turning into sobs as the weight of what was happening overwhelmed him, dropping down into the chair beside the bed and placing his head in Yoongi's lap.

A soft touch registered distantly in Jeongguk's mind as he cried, after a moment realizing that Yoongi himself was stroking his hair as he cried, his touch light.

"Don't," Jeongguk repeated as he sat up. "Please don't hurt yourself more, Yoonz, I'm sorry."

"The pain is worth it if it brings you comfort," Yoongi replied cryptically. "Touching you...the pain...it means I'm alive. I'm grateful for that."

"That sounds like that Three Days Grace song you showed me once," Jeongguk said quietly. "It can be our anthem."

"I can't tell if that's a fucked up thing to say or not," Namjoon said with a frown after a moment, his facial expressions shifting. "This whole situation is so fucked up, I don't even know where the boundaries are anymore."

"When have we ever had boundaries?" Yoongi retorted pointedly.

"When it comes to your studio, literally always," Jeongguk parried back, surprised at the smirk that pulled at his lips, which he saw matching on the elder's face.

"Point Kookie," Yoongi admitted, turning his gaze to Hoseok. "Hi Hobi."

"Hey Yoongi-hyung," Hobi said emotionally, stepping closer to the bed and placing a hand on Yoongi's thigh over the covers. "Welcome back."

"At least they sent a welcoming party," Yoongi noted sarcastically, motioning to the noise coming from the other 'room.'

"Do you want them to leave?"

"No, of course not. Not much comfort I can give you from a hospital bed, is there?" Yoongi pointed out. "I don't think it hurts to have them here to be with you guys. Just...maybe give me a minute before they come in to see me."

"Of course," Namjoon answered diligently for all of them. "I think they are catching up with Jin anyways, he woke up yesterday and is in weirdly good spirits so I'm sure he's happy to talk to them."

"That may be the morphine," Yoongi drawled, catching Joon off guard who scoffed in surprise.

"Very possibly you are right," the younger admitted, turning to look back towards the other room, though it was mostly covered by the curtain. "We should probably get a doctor for you, let them know that you woke up. I don't think they were expecting you to wake up yet."

"I'll go," Hobi offered, patting Yoongi once more, before stepping away and out of the room, stopping to update Jin and everyone else about how things were before continuing out into the ICUs main area, alerting the two nurses to what had happened.

"Jimin-ah," Yoongi said after watching Hobi go. "You look too thin, have you been eating?"

"Ah!" Jimin shouted in surprise and contempt. "You have been awake for like ten minutes, Yoongi-hyung."

"And why does that stop me from taking care of you?" Yoongi countered.

"You're allowed to let other people take care of you for a change."

"And you are allowed to let me take care of you," Yoongi said sternly. "We need to get you a sweater, you're shivering. By God, what kind of shit hole place are we in, you need blankets and soup immediately!"

"Oh my God," Jeongguk said, not for the last time, stepping away from the bed while shaking his head at the two men bickering over who should be taking care of who as he turned to Joon. "They are like an old married couple and they don't even realize it."

"Literally soulmates," Joon agreed, his eyes still focused on the pair. "But i'm happy to see it too, I think I could use a sense of normalcy around here for a change."

"Yeah," Jeongguk agreed quietly, his voice soft. "But I seriously need a drink after all this."

"Amen to that!" Joon agreed with a reserved chuckle, slipping an arm around Jeongguk's shoulders as they waited for the nurses to come in, watching the pair in front of them fondly. "Two down, Kookie. Let's hope we have one more to go."

"Let's hope," Jeongguk parroted. "Let's hope."

***

"Does he realize that he's having a staring contest with a dog?" BamBam asked some time later, watching as Jeongguk and Yeontan had a stare down at the other end of the table, the eleven men having gone to the cafeteria after getting kicked out of ICU when the nurses had come in.

"I feel like they are working through some things," Namjoon replied in a tone that was a mix of fondness and exasperation. "Also, I didn't know dogs could be mad at their owners, but if any dog would be, it's Yeontan."

"Tannie is sassy," Hobi tacked on. "He holds grudges."

"You put his favourite toy in a box on the top shelf of your room," Jimin explained not for the first time, looking at Hobi with minor disgust. "He's the size of a slipper, I'd be mad at you too if you had done that to me!"

"Are we not going to address the fact that you are also the size of a slipper?" BamBam said with a wicked laugh at the same time Jeongguk broke his stare to look at Jimin and point out that Hobi HAD done that to Jimin and Jimin hadn't spoken to him for three days.

"It was only three days because we were traveling and got separated thank you very much," Jimin muttered under his breath, casting a "threatening" look towards the younger men who both simply smiled faux-innocently in response. "And also, RUDE!"

"Tannie, I'm sorry, okay?" Jeongguk said with a huff, ignoring his elder's words, the small bundle of fur still content to sit at the very back of his crate and send judgmental and mildly threatening glares in Jeongguk's direction. "I promise to make it up to you okay?"

"I miss Coco," Youngjae sighed, placing his chin in the palm of his hand as he watched the exchange between human and dog to his right.

"It's been like an hour," Jinyoung countered, judgment strong. "You have separation issues Youngjae, it's weird."

"It's not weird," Youngjae replied, making a face at the older man, though he did have to admit there was some truth to that statement. "Can we eat while we wait to go back in?"

"Already done," Jaebeom answered, coming back to the table and grabbing a seat as he spoke.

"I feel like I just ate, but also like I could eat a whole cow," Jeongguk said, not breaking his stare with Yeontan and refusing to blink. "Food sounds good."

"The staff said they will bring some food out in twenty minutes, so for now we can just hangout I guess."

"Mhmm," Jeongguk hummed, cursing himself when his eyelids snapped shut briefly. 

"So Kookie," Yugyeom started, leaning forward from the other side of his friend to catch his attention. "You said in your message earlier in the group chat that your parents are here?"

"Yeah," Jeongguk answered with a grimace, letting out an even bigger put upon sigh than before. "I haven't even see them since they first got here, all the parents are staying together in a house somewhere or something."

"You do realize they've all been here right?" Jimin asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, our parents have been coming to the hospital almost every day to spend time with us and see how we are doing. You are literally the only person who hasn't been seeing your parents."

"Oh," Jeongguk countered dumbly. "Huh."

"Wait, but they haven't been texting me," Jeongguk amended, pulling out his phone and looking at the remaining messages he hadn't yet cleared, seeing the number of notifications beside his mother's name and visibly shrinking in his seat. "Ah, nevermind then."

"You can't ignore them forever, Kooks," Joon noted, smirking when he saw the expression on their maknae's face.

"I can try," Jeongguk said despondently under his breath. "It's gone pretty well so far."

"Why ARE you trying to ignore your parents?" Jackson asked in confusion, leaning forward from where he sat beside Mark on the other side of the table.

"Shouldn't you want your parents around you right now, considering everything that's happened?" he continued, looking around at the other men for agreement.

"They don't know about him and Tae," Yugyeom answered on Jeongguk's behalf. "He's avoiding them."

"Ah," Mark and Jackson said simultaneously, turning to look at each other with surprised eyes before letting their features settle into something softer and more intimate when they realized they had shared a reaction, gazes never faltering.

"You know the feeling?" Jeongguk asked, though his voice was surprisingly hesitant and quiet as he did so.

"To an extent," Jackson answered after a moment, pulling his gaze away from Mark's to look down the table. "What did you want to know exactly?"

"D-do your parents know about you guys?" Jeongguk asked, stammering a bit as he knew that their relationship was relatively new and something he only knew of because Yugyeom had told him about it. "I mean, assuming you are a unit and all. Or not assuming. Erm, asking?"

"You're cute, Jeongguk," Mark said with a laugh. "Yes, Jackson and I are together, we've been on and off for years, very much because of that exact reason."

"What do you mean?" Jeongguk asked, interest piqued as he sat up properly.

"We've known each other for 8 years now," Mark started. "Jackson was my first friend when I got to Korea and I relied on that a lot. But we were young and hormonal. For a long time it was just sexual relief as we couldn't sleep with anyone else since we didn't know the language."

"And then?"

"And then it was really angry, pent up sex," Jackson stepped in, sharing a look full of pain with Mark. "We didn't want our sex life to disrupt the band so we kept it under wraps and told each other that sex was all it was. For years. Literally years."

"Was it?" 

"No," Mark said with a laugh full of mirth and longing. "I'm pretty sure I've been in love with Jackson since the day I met him. But I was scared. I was in a foreign country, didn't speak the language, only had a few friends and I didn't want to ruin my career."

"So you told yourself you didn't like him like that?" Jeongguk asked, tilting his head as he listened to the story.

"Yes," Mark answered honestly. "I would never let him stay after sex and when we got too handsy on camera or on stage I'd get really mad after."

"We used to have full out physical fights where we'd throw things at each other and yell insults and it always resulted in one of us under the other person. It wasn't healthy and for a long time it almost cost us our friendship too."

"Yeah," Jackson added sadly.

"It was awful," Youngjae tacked on, looking down. "They were the closest people when they first met, but over the years they'd pull apart and it was really hard to watch, it made me sad because we all knew they liked each other but were trying to hide it."

"Both of them struggled with jealousy," JB added thoughtfully. "If one of us would so much as put a hand on them, the other person would glare holes through us. It started to damage our own friendships too because no one knew how to act."

"And neither of them would talk about their feelings either," Jinyoung said with a glare at each of them. "We'd try to talk to them about it and they'd bite our heads off. It got to the point where it was just this big cloud over everyone's head."

"I knew some of this because Jackson told me," Namjoon said speaking up before anyone else could interject. "But I didn't realize it had gotten so bad. How did you get from there to actually being in a relationship if your friendship was so strained then?"

"Actually, you guys," Jackson said, directing his sentence to Jeongguk. "You and Tae."

"Us?" Jeongguk asked in surprise, head reeling back in shock. "How did we help you guys? We didn't even know about you two."

"No, but you were together. Openly," Jackson said kindly. "Well, openly to us anyways, you never tried to hide your relationship from us, I know you aren't out, out."

"You're our friends," Jeongguk replied simply. "But I still don't see how that helps you two get together?"

"Because you showed us it could work," Mark said, his gaze sharp. "For a long time Jackson and I were convinced that it would never work between us because of the culture in Korea and because of our jobs, our relationship in the band affecting others, how people would react."

"We thought it was like some sort of dirty secret, so instead of making it official we'd do all the things couples do, but behind closed doors and never where other people could see us. That led to a lot of resentment between us until that party we all went to last year."

"The pool party?" Jeongguk asked in surprise, mentally cataloging what had happened that day, remembered openly kissing Tae in the pool since everyone there had known about them, remembered water jousting and then falling asleep on the grass afterwards under the shade of a tree.

"Yeah," Jackson confirmed. "No one even so much as batted an eye at you two and you were just...happy. Openly happy. You were laughing, kissing, sharing touches and glances at each other. Cuddling right in the open in front of everyone."

"And the rest of BTS, they just watched it," Mark added. "So did the rest of our members. Not one person reacted negatively, it was just a couple having fun. And it was so simple and you looked so happy and we realized that we could have had that too."

"Could have?" Jeongguk asked, catching the tense of the phrase.

"I think we struggled for a bit realizing that we could have spent the last few years together," Mark suggested, looking down guiltily at his hands. "I knew I loved Jackson, I just didn't know how to be with him."

"So what did you do?"

"What I always did," Mark said with a self-depreciating laugh. "A whole lot of nothing."

"Wait, what?" Jimin asked in surprise, leaning forward and speaking for the first time in twenty minutes. "Okay, so how are you together then?"

"I moved on," Jackson told them all, not looking at Mark directly. "Sort of. I decided if Mark wouldn't be with me that I deserved to find happiness so I decided to start dating to see if I could."

"And?"

"It finally broke him," Jackson said, smiling softly at his hands.

"I hated it," Mark confirmed, his eyes distant. "Because Jackson was mine and even if it hadn't been easy all those years, he had always been mine and I had always been his. I hated the idea of him with someone else. And then I realized my mistake. Or well, the big one anyways."

"Which was?" all four members of BTS asked almost in sync, attentions rapt.

"I had loved Jackson for so long that I forgot that I had never said it out loud," Mark told them softly, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. "I assumed he had known how I had felt."

"He had never said it either though," Jimin pointed out.

"You're right," Jackson said with a nod. "We were both dumb."

"So what happened? You started seeing someone and Mark got mad?"

"It's actually pretty cute honestly," BamBam interrupted. "How it happened."

"Jackson had a date," Mark said as he started retelling the story. "He had brought it up so many times before going and I realized later that he was waiting for me to tell him that he shouldn't go. But I was still scared, so I just stayed quiet."

"I thought that if I pushed him he'd admit to finally being in love with me," Jackson added, smiling at his partner. "But he didn't say anything and I thought that meant I wasn't good enough, so I got ready for the date and made sure I looked damn good too."

"He said goodbye to everyone because he was going to the date from practice," Mark continued. "He walked in to say goodbye and I could smell his cologne and it was my favourite cologne, the one I associate with Jackson and I realized..."

"You realized?"

"I realized in that moment that Jackson was the love of my life and he was leaving to be with someone else because I had never gotten the courage to tell him how I felt," Mark admitted quietly. "And then I thought of the pool party, except it was me and Jackson kissing openly."

"And I thought 'we could have that. We could be the ones kissing and holding hands and laughing together and cuddling at night watching movies. But you are too scared to tell him so you deserve this Mark.' And then he started to walk away and I just..."

"I couldn't let him leave," Mark said with a smile thinking back, Jeongguk looking around and noting the smiles on the faces of the other six members of their group and the other three of his. "So I stepped forward and I grabbed his hand and told him to wait."

"And when I turned back he was staring at me with these big wide eyes," Jackson said smiling. "I swear I could see entire oceans in his eyes they were so big and vulnerable in that moment. I could actually hear my heartbeat in my ears it was beating so loud."

"And then finally after six and a half years I looked at him and just said, I love you," Mark retold, gazing at Jackson as he recounted the tale. "I said, 'Wang Jiaer I love you and I've loved you since the day I met you. I can't let you leave."

"What did you do?" Hobi asked Jackson quietly so as not to disturb the atmosphere, his voice in awe. 

"I looked at him for a long time in shock because I couldn't believe it was actually happening," Jackson admitted, scratching at the back of his head. "And then I cried and told him I loved him too."

"And then we kissed for the first time in front of the rest of the members and I swear, Mark poured his entire soul into that kiss. To this day, it's the most special kiss we've ever shared because it was ours and it meant we were each other's and we weren't hiding anymore."

"And then the bastard admitted that he hadn't even had a date!" Mark exclaimed. "He had lied to make me think he did to see if I did anything."

"I probably would have just gone home and cried if he hadn't," Jackson said with a hiccuping laugh. "I'm glad I didn't have to."

"And then we decided that we were better together than apart," Mark continued, looking around. "So we packed up and asked everyone to come back to my place and then we told them everything. All the lies, the fights, the jealousy, the kisses, the whispered almost confessions."

"And at the end we asked them for their permission to be together out in the open because we knew we couldn't be together if we had to keep it a secret."

"And we said yes," JB said with a fond smile. "And then we beat the shit out of them for keeping this from us for 6 years."

"That part was less than fun," Jackson grimaced, rubbing over the ghost of an old bruise. "But they were right to be mad."

"Damn straight!" The others chorused.

"And since then, we've been together," Mark finished. "And our relationship has never been stronger. It's been really nice."

"Wow," Jeongguk said in shock, leaning back in his chair as he digested the story he had just heard, stroking his fingers through Yeontan's hair before realizing that his dog was sitting in his lap, looking down in surprise and almost missing JB and Jinyoung laughing at him.

"He's been there for like five minutes," Jinyoung said with a smile. "It's cute. But it was a good story, so I get why you didn't notice."

"So what happened after?" 

"Well then it came to telling our parents," Jackson started. "Which is where this story all started."

"Go on?" Jeongguk pushed, smiling down briefly at Yeontan who still looked pensive, but who was slowly relaxing into the ministrations from his fingers. 

"Neither of us thought it was going to go well," Mark admitted. "But after so many years apart, we were ready to risk it."

"Knowing the rest of our members supported us was enough," Jackson confirmed. "So we waited until we were sure that it was actually going to work this time around, a few months, and then we decided to tell them at Christmas."

"Oh wow, that's only a few months ago," Jimin noted.

"To be fair, we've only been official since last June," Mark responded. "But even though it's 'only' eight months officially, it does feel like we've been together for the better part of six years since we know each other so well inside and out."

"My parents are pretty chill, so we were less concerned about my parents," Mark carried on with the story. "But we were pretty worried about Jackson's dad. He's a good man, but he's old school. We weren't sure how he was going to take it."

"I actually thought he was going to disown me going into it," Jackson admitted. "I was shaking when we told them. We celebrated Christmas with our families together and I was literally vibrating, my mom kept asking if I was having a stroke."

"How did you tell them?" Jeongguk asked, still completely immersed in the story.

"We didn't really know what to say," Mark said thoughtfully, looking at Jackson. "In the end we kind of just grabbed each other's hands and said that we had to tell them something."

"And then we said that we were in love with each other. And no one said anything," Jackson laughed. "Like, for a solid 90 seconds it was dead quiet. And you know me, I hate silence so I just started word vomiting the story to them."

"Your poor families," Namjoon said teasingly, bumping Jackson with his elbow as he was sitting beside him. 

"Yeah," Jackson confirmed with a big smile spread across his features. "And then Mark's dad was like 'about time' and went back to his dessert."

"And that was that?"

"For his dad, yeah," Jackson said with another smile, though it was slightly less bright. "My dad got up and left and then my mom looked back and forth between us and then finally she just followed him out without saying anything."

"That doesn't sound like your mom," Jeongguk hummed thoughtfully, furrowing his brows. "Your Mom loves you so much, everyone knows that."

"I think she was in shock." Jackson admitted. "But it hurt when she walked out. I felt like I had been punched in the heart."

"So what happened next?"

"Nothing for like four hours," Mark said, picking up the story. "My family was really happy for us and were asking us a lot of questions, but Jackson was pretty quiet and I felt awful because he had lost his family for me."

"And then just after midnight my dad walked back in," Jackson continued. "And he just stared at me for a few minutes while we all waited to see what he had to say and finally he said he was wrong about my singing career once before, so he could be wrong about this too."

"And when I asked him what he meant he said he had never understood how I could give up my fencing career to sing since it was so risky, but I HAD succeeded and proved him wrong and after thinking about he said that if I had done it once, I had probably thought about doing this."

"And then he said that he didn't understand it because he came from a different time, but that I had always gone after my happiness in my life and that if I was with Mark then that must mean that he was my happiness and that was all he wanted as a father."

"And then Jackson proceeded to bawl his eyes out," Mark recalled fondly as he looked on at his partner who was looking a little misty-eyed even now. "So he and his dad went outside to talk and an hour later they came back in and then Jackson introduced me as his boyfriend."

"So at the end of the day, you should give your parents the benefit of the doubt," Mark said, turning his full attention to Jeongguk. "There's no guarantee that they will necessarily be accepting. But they deserve to hear it from you and be given the chance to react."

"And if they aren't accepting then you still have 13 people who love you, as well as all your other friends and work family," Jackson added. "You and Taehyung have proven your love is strong enough to last through anything. It can last that too."

"You really think so?" Jeongguk asked, swallowing audibly.

"I know so," Mark and Jackson said simultaneously, smiling at their couple brain in action. "And when he wakes up you can do it together. We can come back and do it with you if you want, we know how scary it is."

"But what if he doesn't wake up?" Jeongguk questioned sadly, looking down at Yeontan who was resting peacefully in his lap and stroking his head gently. "They don't think he's going to, remember?"

"It's day 9, Kooks," Mark said patiently.

"I know you probably don't want to hear this, but with the severity of his injuries you probably wouldn't even want him to wake up right now because he'd just be in pain. His body needs time to heal. Him being in a coma right now is probably the best thing for him."

"But just because he's not awake today, doesn't mean he won't wake up. It's true that he might not, but he's not gone yet. He needs you to believe in him," Mark continued. "If I were in a coma, I'd want Jackson there everyday telling me how much he loved me."

"Even if you couldn't hear him?"

"Especially if I couldn't hear him because it would give me something to look forward to."

"That's....that's really fucking cute," Jeongguk said finally, shaking his head. "You really love each other."

"We really do," Mark confirmed. "And you love Taehyung. So why don't we eat the food that the chefs have been waiting to bring out, go to the bathroom and then we can all go up and say hi to everyone and you can decide who you want to go in with you. Does that sound okay?"

"Okay," Jeongguk agreed, looking between the pair. "That sounds really nice. And thank you."

"For?"

"Thank you for telling me that me and Tae made a difference in your lives and for sharing your story with me. I needed that. So thank you."

"You're welcome, Kooks. Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning, I am not awake in the slightest, but I hope you enjoy this chapter. Comments and kudos are very much appreciated, would love to hear what people thought now that we are halfway through the story! Looking forward to hearing from you!
> 
> Come talk on socials! J x
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JessaJessJ) | [Tumblr](https://hobrerek.tumblr.com/) | [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/CrazyJWrites)


	6. Love Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been informed I need to warn people when they need tissues, sooooo.......bring tissues, maybe, possibly?
> 
> Come yell at me in the comments, looking forward to your reactions!
> 
> J x

Even though Jeongguk had been in and out of ICU half a dozen times by now, he still felt as the whoosh of air left his lungs as the sign over the door came into view as the 11 men walked down the hall, the doors opening and letting them through with a piercing breeze.

Jeongguk allowed himself to slow to allow the group to split into smaller pairs as they stepped through the doors, lowering his gaze and missing the look from the woman behind the desk who was watching him with a thoughtful expression.

"Well look who it is!"

"Angel!"

"Why are you so surprised to see me kid?" Angel asked with a laugh, leaning on the edge of the counter as she nodded in greeting to everyone. "I do work here for a living you know?"

"I just thought you might be off for a few days or something" Jeongguk retorted with a blush.

"Nah," Angel replied, giving him her same open mouthed smile he had come to find comforting. "All of us old timers are working straight until your boys wake up. Not everyone who works in ICU got the level of security clearance that was needed, so a few of us are working extra."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Namjoon said apologetically, his face sincere. "I didn't think of that, thank you so much Angel and to all the other staff working around the clock to keep our members safe. Could I please get everyone's names? We'll make sure to do something to thank everyone."

"That's sweet," Angel said with a laugh. "You raised Jeongguk well, I see where he gets it from now. But don't you worry about us, this is our job and we are happy to do it. Seeing your brothers wake up has been rewarding enough in itself, means we are doing a good job."

"You're doing a very good job," Hoseok confirmed, smiling widely. "Two out of three so far."

"I heard!" Angel laughed. "I just started a few minutes ago, haven't done my rounds yet to check in, but I look forward to meeting your other friend, Min Yoongi is it?"

"Yes and these are our friends from the group GOT7," Namjoon added, gesturing to the group spread around him, introducing each individually as they took their turn bowing in greeting. "Jaebeom, Mark, Jackson, Jinyoung, Youngjae, BamBam and Yugyeom."

"And these men are on your allowed visitor's list?" Angel asked, turning to the desk to pick up a clipboard that was similarly named. "My coworker is a complete groupie fanboy, did he have you sign anything?"

"No ma'am," JB answered, stepping forward. "What should we sign?"

"Alright, you four go in," Angel started once Namjoon confirmed GOT7s allowed visitor status. "I'll get your friends brought up to speed and then send them in, in a few minutes, okay?"

"Thank you Angel," the men repeated, smiling at their friends before heading towards the room.

Once inside, Jeongguk cast a look around the room, thinking absentmindedly that there weren't enough chairs for 11 visitors at once, though his primary focus was on the curtained area at the end of the room which had his mouth going dry.

At the sound of the men entering the room, Jin blinked his eyes open blearily, lifting his head slowly and looking around, obviously having just woken up from a nap.

"Do you need us to leave?" Namjoon asked, his gaze considering.

"No, no," Jin answered. "Just let me wake up."

Jeongguk watched as Jimin peeled off from their huddle, heading towards Yoongi who also appeared to be just waking up, gently placing a hand on his arm as the two spoke in a quiet whisper, the sight bringing a smile to the rest of their faces.

"The curtains are pulled back," Jeongguk noted, thinking again that his mouth really was rather dry as he waited for an answer, not sure whether he had said that as a statement or a question.

"How else will I bother Yoongi?" Jin asked, completely unfazed. "I wanted to see him."

"And are you okay with that?" Jimin asked the aforementioned, turning to look at Jin and shooting him a glare which only served to bring a smile to the elder's face as he chuckled at his own antics. 

"It's much better than having him yell through the curtain," Yoongi confirmed sardonically.

"Do I want to know what he did before it was pulled back?" Jimin asked, though he did so facing the rapper and his expression was much softer and more amused the second time around.

"Just know that it was normal Jin behaviour," Yoongi answered cryptically, a smirk pulling at his lips.

"Are you okay, Kookie?" Jeongguk heard a voice asking in the distance, slowly pulling out of the fog surrounding his brain and realizing their eldest was speaking to him, a thoughtful expression sitting on his features. 

"I...I think it's time I see Taehyung."

"Do you need us to come with you?" Mark asked from behind them, the group walking in and settling in around the room as they broke into bunches, one half going to Jin and the other walking towards Yoongi, Mark, Jackson and Yugyeom holding back with Namjoon and Hoseok.

"Do you..." Jeongguk started, stopping to get a better grasp of his thoughts before pushing forward. "Could you maybe just....sit outside of his room? I think....I think I might need to go in there alone to start, but if it gets to be too much..."

"We'll be waiting," Mark affirmed. "We can do that for sure Jeongguk."

"Thank you," the younger man said quietly, hoping that the others could hear the gratitude in his voice. "I'm really scared."

"It's not as bad as you think," Namjoon spoke quietly, placing an arm around the younger man and squeezing gently, hoping the physical form of affection from him would help calm the younger's nerves.

"He looks really peaceful. His injuries will seem a bit shocking at first, but the longer you sit with him the easier it gets. Kind of just looks like that time he fell into one of his paintings and was covered on only one side of his body. Think of it like that, okay?"

"Okay," Jeongguk repeated back quietly, looking up at Joon with his wide doe eyes before stepping into his chest in a tight hug, holding on for close to a minute before he finally pulled back, repeating his actions with Hobi and then turning to the other three.

"Thank you for supporting me," Jeongguk said genuinely, his voice rough. "Sometimes I think we need to hear things from an outside perspective and what you said earlier really helped. Thank you for being good friends to us, I'm really happy you came, I really needed it."

"Don't thank us," Jackson said with a smile. "That's what friends are for. Now come here big guy!"

Jackson's hug was tight, unlike the hug from Namjoon or Hoseok, but his hands were gentle as they cupped his head and patted his back, conveying a sense of safety that Jeongguk needed.

Mark's hug was softer and Jeongguk found himself wondering how it was possible that Mark seemed so strong and so fragile in the same breath, pulling him in and holding on for longer than necessary as Jeongguk calmed his breathing around him.

Finally, Jeongguk found himself being wrapped up in the warm embrace of his best friend who leaned their heads against each other, not saying anything for a long time before whispering soft encouragements in his ear, pulling back and smiling at him with proud eyes.

"Go get your man, Kookie," Yugyeom said encouragingly, patting his friend on the butt. "Don't forget to tell him you love him this time!"

"Yeah, yeah," Jeongguk muttered with a fond smile, stepping away from the group and nodding at the others who were pretending not to stare.

"Let's do this," he said as he started to walk, more to himself than for any real reason, touching Jin's foot as he passed, repeating the motion with Yoongi, though he hesitated for a second longer by the second's bedside before stopping to pull Jimin in to a quick hug and carrying on.

Standing there, Jeongguk chided himself for asking everyone to sit outside, realizing now that he was closer and his brain was less idled, that it really was just a curtained-off area and anyone nearby would be able to hear his conversation whether he wanted them to or not.

Knowing that this was no excuse to stop, Jeongguk took a deep breath in, squaring his shoulders and releasing it as he stepped through and laid his eyes on his partner of two years for the first time in the better part of ten days, feeling as the breath was knocked out of his lungs.

For a long time, Jeongguk just stood in silence as he looked on at his partner, thinking after a time that Namjoon had been right in his description of what was unfolding before his eyes, letting himself scan his partner's body and noting each and every abrasion and bruise that patterned his beautiful honey skin.

On the left side of his body were several casts, Taehyung's left leg fully wrapped and bound, elevated slightly by a hoist similar to Jin's and his left wrist also bound in a crisp white casing.

Around his left shoulder sat several bandages and against the rail, pillows dotted his entire left side.

It appeared to Jeongguk the longer he looked, that the pillows were likely supporting his broken ribs which Jeongguk briefly recalled the doctor noting during his briefing and as he watched he could almost see the restriction on his partner's breathing, his breaths shallow.

This awareness, the fact that his partner's chest was rising and falling felt like a direct hit to the heart, tears welling up and spilling down his cheeks as he took in the fact that his partner was alive, that he was here in front of him and that he might still very well die.

Stepping forward, Jeongguk's eyes were drawn to the bandages around Taehyung's right hand, much lighter and similar to that of Yoongi's which made Jeongguk wonder if that's where Taehyung had been burned since the doctor had never specified.

What really held his attention, however, were the other bandages, the ones wrapped tightly around his partner's head, Taehyung's hair missing, though Jeongguk found himself thinking how handsome his partner looked, even like this.

Thick strips of white were layered around his partner's skull, gauze peeking out from various parts, likely where the deeper cuts had been, though Jeongguk did his best not to think of that as he slowly stepped closer, his legs feeling like lead as he neared the edge of the bed.

Reaching out a shaking hand, Jeongguk wondered whether he was keeping it together as much as he thought he was, or if this feeling coursing through his veins was that of shock as his fingers brushed the skin around the bandages on Taehyung's right hand and Jeongguk finally broke.

A deep wracking sob tore through Jeongguk's chest as his gaze settled on Taehyung's face, his partner's expression peaceful like Namjoon had said, but the skin mottled a deep bruising purple on the left side that felt like God was tormenting him for his beauty.

"Oh my God," Jeongguk found himself gasping, dropping to his knees at the side of the bed, clutching onto Taehyung's right forearm tightly, hoping, PRAYING that his partner could feel it and would open his eyes and tell him it was all a horrible dream and everything was okay.

"Tae," Jeongguk found himself gasping between shaky breaths, repeating the name over and over in his head and out loud as he tried to remember how to force air into his lungs, clasping his free hand to his chest and begging his body for mercy as the room flickered black.

"Tae baby," Jeongguk whispered, switching out his inner mantra for the new phrase as he finally managed to get a gulp of air to slide into his lungs, praying the pain would end, though knowing he needed to allow himself to breathe to do so. "Tae baby, you're alive."

As the words slipped through his lips, unencumbered and uninvited, Jeongguk experienced more than felt as his body turned to survival mode, sucking in a large gulp of air, letting it hit his lungs before repeating, his hysterics lessening as he willed himself to breathe.

Distantly Jeongguk knew that there were 12 other people in the room with him, that all he had to do was to call out for help and they'd be there in an instant to pull him up and give him strength, but something in his heart stopped him from reaching out, for showing weakness.

Rather, it wasn't weakness Jeongguk realized as the spots in front of his eyes pulled back and allowed his vision to come back into focus, catching the sight of an arm just to the side of his immediate gaze. It was a need to be strong for someone else for a change that kept him going.

Looking up at the bed from this position, Jeongguk realized that all he could see were the crisp white bandages on the arm he was still holding, the rise and fall of Taehyung's chest, the right side of Tae's face, soft and pure and the steady beeping of Tae's heartbeat on the monitor before them.

Minutes passed, but Jeongguk refused to move, his eyes locked on the gentle rise and fall of Taehyung's chest, letting his focus hone in to the steady "beep, beep, beep" that filled the space, breathing in and out along with his partner as his own heart rate slowed.

"You're alive," Jeongguk whispered finally, some 15 minutes later as his knees started to cry out in protest, pushing himself to his feet and catching himself on the side of the bed as the room began to spin, taking a few shaky breaths for good measure to get much needed oxygen to his brain.

"You're really alive," Jeongguk repeated, stepping forward towards the head of the bed and releasing his grip on Taehyung's arm, placing it gently against the bed as he laid it flat and moved his hand to settle on his right thigh, left hand coming up to cup his right cheek.

"I'm here, Taehyung," Jeongguk found himself whispering into the skin there as his lips settled against his partner's cheek, a tear slipping from his eyes and falling onto the other man's as he placed their foreheads against each other and allowed them to breathe in the same air.

"I'm here baby," Jeongguk continued, pulling back slightly. "I'm here and I'm never leaving ever again. You're alive baby. I love you so much, okay? So fucking much that it hurts. Every day without you by my side, it hurts Tae. I don't want to do it."

"I don't want to do this without you Tae. You're my world, my rock, my happy place and my safe place. I love you so fucking much Kim Taehyung and I'm so fucking sorry I didn't come sooner, I should have been here ten days ago. I hope you will forgive me for that."

"But you know what? I'd take 100 days of you being mad at me if it meant you were alive. If it meant you were awake. So wake up Tae. Wake up and then you can yell and scream and call me every name under the sun if it will mean that you are alive and with me."

"Wake up for me baby, okay? Come back to me Taehyung, I need you. I love you....please."

And as Jeongguk leaned forward to place their lips together in the ensuing silence, he wasn't sure whether the beeping monitor was laughing at him or telling him it would all be okay.

***

Jeongguk stood, watching his partner for a long time in silence, studying his face and committing it to memory, letting his gaze wander over the curve of his lips, the strong jut of his jaw, the long eyelashes pressed softly against his cheeks as Taehyung slept peacefully on.

Without a word, Jeongguk turned and walked out of the room, seeing Mark sitting on a chair between Yoongi and Jin and walking towards him briskly, Youngjae alerting the older man of his presence in time for Mark to stand up to allow Jeongguk to bury his face in his neck.

"Oh god," Jeongguk whispered into the skin there, feeling hands sliding around his hips and knowing by the strength that Jackson was behind him. "That was awful. Please don't let me sit in there alone."

"Do you want us to come?" Mark asked, sharing a look with Jackson.

"Um," Jeongguk stuttered, pulling back to look at Mark with wide eyes. "It's just...it's a lot right now. C-can....can you just come? For now I mean."

"Of course," Mark said easily, smiling at Jeongguk in encouragement and ignoring Jackson's surprised expression over Jeongguk's shoulder.

"Thank you," Jeongguk mumbled, turning back around and walking stiffly back towards the room, disappearing and leaving Mark, Jackson and the rest of the room in shock.

"Is he okay?" Jackson asked after a moment, looking around the room. "I mean, we are happy to help, but..."

"Shouldn't he want one of you there?" Youngjae asked, looking around the room and seeing the various expressions contorted across everyone's faces.

"You would think," Jimin said after a moment, his voice thick with emotion, a mix of anger, disappointment and something else.

"I'm sure he has his reasons," Namjoon interjected diplomatically, though his brows were furrowed. "I'm sure he'll explain himself, but you've all seen Tae, you know what he looks like right now. If he needs comfort from just Mark right now to deal with it, then that's what we will give him."

"I think it has more to do with the fact that Mark is both an outside party and an inside party," Yoongi suggested from his bed, pulling the attention in the room to him. "Mark and Taehyung are friends and the three of them have hung out before, but he doesn't have the same history we all do with Jeongguk and Tae."

"So Mark going in, he both wants Tae to wake up, but won't judge Jeongguk at the same time. That's probably a safe space for him, I mean, I want him to lean on us, but I do get it, it's a weird position to be in."

"But why would we judge him?" Jimin asked exasperatedly, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically.

"He still blames himself," Jin said quietly, drawing the attention to him. "He thinks he should have been in the car, not me because of the fight. Even if he doesn't realize it, he's keeping us at an arms length because he's still trying to come to terms with the accident."

"I can't say I blame him," Jaebeom sighed. "But I hope the rest of you know that you are doing everything you can for him. At the end of the day he has to come to terms with it on his own, in his own way. That doesn't mean you aren't helping him, you have been helping him a lot, we can all see that."

"I'm just glad you are all here," Namjoon sighed, cheeks puffing out with the force. "I don't want him to be alone right now, so I am glad that he wants Mark to go in with him, he'll be in good hands that way."

"I'll do my best," Mark confirmed. "Anything I need to know?"

"They had a fight the day of the accident," Jimin started, sensing that Mark knew by his reaction. "Jeongguk blames himself because they always sit together, I think that's the first time they've ever gone in different cars since they started dating. So he thinks that's why."

"I'll keep that in mind," Mark replied softly, smiling at everyone and then gesturing towards the room "I should go in there with him then, I don't want to leave him alone for too long if he's already not in a good head space."

"Thank you Mark," Namjoon answered. "Really."

In lieu of answering, Mark simply smiled, leaning in to place a kiss against Jackson's lips, placing their heads together for a brief moment before he was pulling away, nodding at everyone once before he turned and followed Jeongguk into the curtained room.

Jeongguk stood at the head of the bed, his left arm resting against the headrest while his right arm was rubbing circles into the exposed skin on Taehyung's undamaged arm closest to them, his gaze entirely focused on the rise and fall of his partner's chest.

"He looks better," Mark said to break the silence after some time had passed, stepping further into the room so he was pressed against Jeongguk's side, a quiet show of support.

"Does he?" Jeongguk asked in surprise, looking back and forth between the two of them before settling back on his partner.

"Yeah," Mark answered simply, his voice gentle. "The bruises on his face were way darker last week and he had bags under his eyes too. Now he just looks peaceful His heart rate is more steady too."

"What do you mean?"

"When we were here last week? His heart rate was..."

"I guess you could say erratic?" Mark suggested, trying to find the right word. "When we walked in it had been steady, but when we started to talk to him his heart rate kept jumping up and then settling and then jumping up and settling. It was a bit scary actually."

"Angel told me that sometimes coma patients can hear the outside world," Jeongguk told Mark, his expression turning remorseful. "I wonder if he heard you guys."

"As in that was his way of saying hi?" Mark teased, happy when he saw Jeongguk smirk in response.

"Maybe," Jeongguk answered quietly, though the gentle teasing had turned his expression more thoughtful than it had been previously. 

"I can see there's a lot on your mind," Mark noted, watching the younger man. "Let me go get some chairs, then you can tell me about it, okay?"

"Okay," Jeongguk agreed, smiling at him gratefully as Mark turned to leave the room, catching the noise of surprise that escaped the elder's lips when he found two chairs already waiting there for them, someone obviously having dropped them off moments earlier.

"Well that was easy," Mark said easily as he pushed the chairs into the room, waiting to see how Jeongguk wanted them to sit and smiling softly when Jeongguk turned the chairs so he would sit beside Tae's head and Mark could sit facing the two of them.

"Full protective mode, I like it," Mark teased, enjoying the blush that swept across Jeongguk's cheeks as he conceded the point, Mark instantly catching that Jeongguk had angled their bodies so that anyone coming in would have to get through him first. "You're cute, Kooks."

"It sounds dumb now that you say it out loud," Jeongguk muttered, though Mark noted that he didn't adjust their chairs to do anything about it.

"I'd probably do the same if Jackson were in the bed," Mark admitted. "And Jackson would be crazy if I were in the bed."

"What do you mean?" 

"Just imagine like a full five-block perimeter," Mark answered with a fond laugh. "He's a bit protective."

"He loves you," Jeongguk pointed out, though his smile was genuine Mark could see.

"I love him too," Mark retorted, his cheeks pulled back as he smiled. "He's crazy though."

"I mean...yeah," Jeongguk admitted after a moment, smiling abashedly at his friend. "A little bit."

"A lot a bit you mean," Mark smiled, settling down into the offered chair.

A gentle silence settled over the pair as they listened to the steady beeping from Taehyung's monitor, Mark content to wait him out and see how long it would take for the younger man to open up and tell him what was on his mind.

"He does look peaceful," Jeongguk said finally, not drawing his gaze away from where he had been studying his partner's face. "I feel like if I stop looking he might just disappear."

"That certainly is scary," Mark conceded, watching him carefully.

"It's weird to think that he's not just sleeping," Jeongguk added, pulling his gaze away to look at Mark. "It honestly just feels like he's sleeping after having a long day if you look at him from this angle."

"The casts definitely change the perception," Mark agreed.

"I really don't know what to do if he doesn't wake up," Jeongguk whispered after a pause, his voice cracking as he spoke. "It's so hard to look at him like this and think that he might stay like this forever, alive but not really....existing. His body is healing, but..."

"But he's not here and that's hard," Mark finished for him, knowing what he had been trying to say. "He might still be in bad condition right now, Jeongguk, but he IS alive. It's not necessarily the Taehyung you expected, but he's still your Taehyung and he's still here."

"Yeah," Jeongguk admitted in defeat, sniffling before turning his gaze back to his partner. 

"You should tell me about you two," Mark suggested, waiting for Jeongguk to turn back to him. "You heard mine and Jackson's story. What about you two?"

"You don't know?" Jeongguk asked in surprise, mentally cataloging his recent interactions with Mark and distantly wondering if it really had been that long since they had seen last seen each other that he wouldn't have told him the full story. "Not even from Tae?"

"I know a very stripped down version," Mark told Jeongguk. "Taehyung and I were texting about it when it happened because he was so excited, but I got more 'he's actually my boyfriend, Mark' texts than I did actual 'here's what actually happened' texts. It was really cute."

"He's really cute," Jeongguk replied, his voice fond and pained simultaneously as he turned to look at his partner's face, wondering for a moment where to start.

"When you met Jackson, did you love him right away?" Jeongguk asked eventually. "Or did it sort of creep up on you?"

"A bit of both," Mark admitted. "I loved a lot of things about him when I first met him and thought that I could love, love him too and then one day I realized that somewhere along the way I had actually done just that. But it's hard to place an exact moment."

"So you do get it," Jeongguk hummed, his features settling into a softer expression and the tension in his shoulders releasing as he pulled his legs up to his chest and reached out a hand to place on Taehyung's arm as he prepared himself for the story.

"When I first met Tae," Jeongguk started, his body relaxed. "I was really young and scared. I had wanted to be a dancer and then suddenly I was becoming a trainee where they expected me to sing and dance and learn fan service and how to be a good idol and it was....a lot."

"I was really scared that I was going to screw it up and that I'd ruin the careers of everyone else in the band so I'd go back to my room and I'd have these panic attacks alone beside my bed where no one could see me and I'd just wait until they passed which sometimes took ages."

"I didn't spend a lot of time with the other members because they were all so confident and older than me and so....they were so cool," Jeongguk said with emotion, looking at Mark with eyes pleading for him to understand. "I wanted to be like them, but didn't know how to do that."

"I guess one day the other guys could tell that I was struggling a bit more than normal because our choreographer let us go home early and I just bolted and went straight to the dorms and as soon as I got there I had a panic attack because I was convinced it was my fault."

"My breathing was so loud that I didn't hear anyone knocking. I was rocking myself back and forth on the floor when I felt arms wrap around me and I was so past caring at that point that I just let the person hold me and it...it felt really nice to feel like I mattered."

"You DO matter!" Mark interjected, leaning forward in his seat and placing a hand on the younger's knee. "You know that right?"

"I do now," Jeongguk answered with a gentle smile. "Taehyung taught me that. He taught me how to love myself before he'd let me love him."

"That sounds like him," Mark replied gently. "Okay, so go on, someone was holding you?"

"Yeah," Jeongguk continued, gathering his senses and finding his place in the story again. "They were talking to me, but I wasn't registering what they were saying."

"Then I heard this voice start singing and it cut through the fog that had settled on my brain and all of a sudden I felt like I could breathe again. It was night and day the difference between before they started singing and after. I managed to get some air into my lungs and when I looked up it was him and he was smiling at me and his face was so vulnerable and open that I could see all of his emotions written on his face. The uncertainty, the fear, the understanding, the care. It was all there like he had written the words on his skin."

"He didn't actually even say anything. I thought he might ask why I was having panic attacks or tell me that I shouldn't be that upset about things, but instead he just kissed my nose and then pulled me up and told me we were going out to eat and that was that."

"I was a bit quiet at first because I kept waiting to see when he was going to tell me it was all a prank or get upset at me or tell me to get over myself, but instead he just talked to fill the silence and would stop every couple of feet to show me something new he had seen."

"I remember he stopped because he saw a ladybug and he crouched down so that he was at eye level with it and when it fell from the leaf it had been on Tae caught it and then after cooing at it for a few seconds, put him on a stronger leaf and he looked so happy with himself?"

"It was such a pure reaction, just Tae and his ladybug and when he looked up at me with a smile spread across his features and told me he had named him five because he had five spots...I realized that I had nothing to worry about with this man."

"That sounds like him," Mark said fondly, watching intently as Jeongguk looked on with a dazed expression as he stared longingly and lovingly at his boyfriend, his look so full of love that Mark momentarily felt like he was intruding.

"So what happened next?"

"After that I told myself that it was okay to allow myself to have friends," Jeongguk continued. "I don't know if I had actively been restricting myself, but over the next few weeks I tried to make sure to talk to everyone at practice more."

"And everyone was really nice too. Jimin and I got along really well and realized we could cause trouble together. Hoseok was always smiling about everything and since he's the best dancer I started asking him for help to get better though he said I didn't need it."

"Joon and Jin took me under their wings right away. Namjoon would always make sure to talk to me about my Dad and Jin would always make sure to check in on me when I was struggling and encourage me, really treated me like a younger brother and it made me feel so safe."

"And then Yoongi....Yoongi was so good to me. He knew right away that the way I was looking at Tae, it wasn't the way that I was looking at everyone else. I hadn't realized yet either, I just....I idolized Tae. He was so kind and pure and loyal, I wanted to be around him always."

"But I didn't realize that at some point along the way that fondness had turned into something more, so Yoongi took me for lamb skewers and told me it was because he just wanted to talk, but really he wanted to ask me about my sexuality."

"Was he understanding at least?"

"Oh yeah!" Jeongguk confirmed, turning to smile at Mark genuinely before flicking his attention back to Taehyung. "He was really good about it, he started talking about me and Tae and how close we were and then changed the subject and started talking about this other couple."

"I didn't realize he was showing me a parallel at first but when I did I remember just being so shocked because I was still a kid right? And like, I knew I loved being around Tae, but did I LOVE Tae?"

"I didn't know much about being gay back then, so Yoongi sat with me for hours and he really patiently explained to me what the different labels meant and then explained the difference between sexual orientation and gender and how I should always be respectful to other people."

"At the end of it he asked me now that I knew what everything meant, if I could explain to him how I felt about Tae and so I told him the ladybug story and I told him about how my heart felt like it had gotten bigger in my chest and that when Tae smiled my world got brighter."

"And then somewhere during the story I realized that I was really madly in love with Tae and it just rocked my entire world because I didn't know what to do with that information."

"So what did you do?" Mark asked, leaning forward.

"Same thing you did, nothing."

"Wait what?" Mark cried out, surprise colouring his tone, laughing brightly.

"I was so young though, Mark," Jeongguk replied, looking Mark in the eyes as he did so. "I mean yes I knew I loved Tae, but I was also trying to figure out how to be a singer, a dancer, an idol all while being a kid."

"I wasn't ready to be in love with someone back then because I still had so many other things to figure out, including the type of person that I was. I wasn't going to stop loving Tae or trying to be around him, but I wanted to be his best friend first and give myself time."

"Time to grow up you mean?" Mark clarified, his expression sincere.

"And to give myself time to figure out who Jeongguk was as a person. Tae always told me that it was really important to love yourself first before you love another person and I needed some time to do that."

"To deal with your panic attacks and such?" Mark questioned, though he was already nodding in understanding even before the other man answered.

"Exactly," Jeongguk affirmed. "And it wasn't like Tae and I stopped talking, we got way closer during those initial years."

"Those first few years were really hard for the group too because we weren't getting a lot of recognition and so it seemed selfish to want to bring a relationship into that. Having Tae by my side was all I needed. I can't imagine having done all that without him honestly."

"I understand that," Mark told the younger man, thinking back to his own situation, trying to imagine what it would have been like without Jackson and realizing that he couldn't. "But what changed?"

"Just time," Jeongguk said fondly, smiling wide. "Time waited for us."

"One day I couldn't sleep so I went to see Tae and he let me in but he was super sleepy so I said I would sit and sketch and I was just doodling when I realized he had fallen asleep. He looked so cute and so content that I found myself drawing him."

"I spent hours drawing him, playing around with shading and some different strokes and finally when I could barely keep my eyes open I looked down and realized that I had drawn a really beautiful portrait. So I ripped it out of my book, wrote a note and left it on his pillow."

"What did the note say?" 

"You're the most beautiful person in the world, Kim Taehyung," Jeongguk recited proudly. "I also signed it love Jeongguk and then I snuck out and went to bed and I was so over the moon, I thought my heart was going to burst."

"Then what happened?"

"In the morning there was a knock on my door and when I answered it Tae was holding the drawing in his hands so delicately and when he looked up at me I could see the entire universe in his eyes and he looked so vulnerable."

"And then he asked to come in and when I closed the doors he turned to me and told me that he loved me," Jeongguk recalled, his eyes wet, though his smile was wide. "And then he asked me for permission to kiss me and I said yes and it was the best day of my life."

"This story makes me so happy," Mark said quietly, his voice sincere. "I can feel how much you love him."

"Yeah," Jeongguk agreed. "I really do. I know a lot of fans think we are together and think our anniversary is in January, but it's not, it's actually coming up."

"What's in January then?" 

"January 26th was the day we found the ladybug," Jeongguk said softly. "Both of us like to joke and say that, that day was our first date and that after that we needed 1,000 more to get together. But our actual anniversary is in March.

"But it's March right now?" Mark pointed out, pulling his phone out to see the date, "March 8th," looking back at him.

"Yeah," Jeongguk replied, his voice going quiet. "Our three-year anniversary is in two and a half weeks and Tae might not be alive to celebrate it.

"Oh. Wow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe Jeongguk FINALLY went to see Tae!!! What a stubborn man, though I get why he didn't at first (sort of, gosh this character was stubborn, wouldn't let me write him any other way!). Can't wait to hear what you all thought of this chapter, hopefully it's a nice change of pace.
> 
> Follow me on socials if you so desire! All my best, J x
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JessaJessJ) | [Tumblr](https://hobrerek.tumblr.com/) | [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/CrazyJWrites)


	7. Days Pass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Panic Attack  
> This chapter mentions and partially describes a severe panic attack. I've updated the tags to include this, so if that's an issue for you, on Day 27, skip to the end and read the last line instead. You can read up to the paragraph that starts with "As he caught his breath..." but after that, skip to the end if you need to protect yourself from reading something triggering.
> 
> All my best,  
> J x

The two settled into silence for a period as Mark tried to wrap his head around everything that Jeongguk had just shared, not realizing how long the pair had been in love with each other before actually getting together.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked finally.

"Sure," Jeongguk responded idly, his voice thick with emotion, though his posture was still relaxed.

"Where does everyone else come into this?" Mark questioned. "How did they handle you two getting together? Were you ever worried they wouldn't like it?"

"Surprisingly, no," Jeongguk said, surprise colouring his tone as well. "I know a lot of people have horror stories when it comes to being gay, but I legitimately never worried about it. No one cared when Tae and I would share skinship early on."

"As we got older and it turned into something more...meaningful I guess? It was the same thing, no one batted an eye. Bang PD had some talks with us early on about whether we wanted to be open, but we were just starting to rise up in popularity so we said no."

"Were you ever upset about that?"

"Not really," Jeongguk answered thoughtfully. "We had waited so long to be together that it never bothered me. I mean, there's been times where it's been hard, but honestly most of those have been in the last year. Growing up it was fine."

"In the last year?"

"Yeah," Jeongguk said, casting a quick glance at Taehyung as if he might be listening. "For me I always wanted to be with him so badly that it never really bothered me whether people knew. I was just happy that he loved me back and that our friends got it."

"But I don't know, lately we've noticed that fans have been paying a lot of attention to us. Taehyung really wants to be out because he keeps saying there are so many young kids who don't have anyone to look up to and he wants to be that person for them."

"But?" Mark asked intuitively. 

"About a year ago," Jeongguk started, his expression changing to one Mark was struggling to read. "We decided we would tell our parents since we had been together so long. But the weekend didn't go well and it....changed a lot of things for us."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"We were at my parent's house for the weekend and Tae was talking about one of his favourite actors when my dad made a comment about the actor being gay and Taehyung just froze."

"Did he say something about gay people?"

"Not in so many words," Jeongguk hummed. "But his expression was really stern and Taehyung just dropped it. Like you could hear the judgment in his tone, even if he hadn't directly said it if that makes sense?"

"I get it," Mark nodded. "I saw it with Jackson's dad."

"Exactly," Jeongguk said more to himself. "After that, every time we looked it seemed like my dad was watching us so we would sit really far apart from each other and Tae felt really uncomfortable about it. Then when we got back it seemed like everywhere we looked..."

"I don't know how to say this," Jeongguk wondered aloud, trying to sort out his thoughts. "I guess...I guess when we got back it seemed like Tae started to notice more of the bad things that come with being gay? Like he started paying more attention to the people who judge it?"

"I kept finding him reading articles about things that had happened to people who were gay or like, when our Russia show got cancelled because BTS as a whole was 'too gay,' Tae took it so hard. He actually cried for days straight, he was so defeated by it."

"And then after that suddenly he started to think like we were being forced to be quiet about our relationship when that was never the issue? Bang PD said he'd support us either way and our popularity is pretty high so they don't think we'd really feel the impact too badly."

"But Tae was convinced that the band would be ruined if we came out because people are still pretty conservative in Korea," Jeongguk noted sadly. "And then his parents said something about how gay people didn't need to be so blatant about it. They didn't mean it badly, but..."

"He took it badly?" Mark guessed, feeling himself getting defensive and trying to hide his reaction from the other man. 

"Yeah," Jeongguk replied quietly. "I actually think his parents know about us and are just waiting for us to tell them. But Tae is convinced they'd hate him."

"It can be pretty hard to change people's mind when it comes to this kind of thing though," Mark agreed. "You spend so long internalizing it, it can be hard to actually share it like it's a normal thing. And I hate the fact that it even matters, it shouldn't be a big deal."

"I get that," Jeongguk said with a frown. "For so long I never cared whether I was gay because Yoongi and I joke that I am just Tae-sexual because he's been the only person I've ever looked at or loved so I've never considered being with a woman, it's always just been Tae."

"But seeing some of the stuff that he reads....it's hard not to let some of that rub off? We have some great fans, but I mean, we do use our own social media so we see things that are said about us and it's not always good. Some days it can be pretty hard."

"And also it's your dad who isn't supportive," Mark pointed out, knowing that was the underlying problem when he saw Jeongguk's reaction.

"I never once thought my dad wouldn't support me before that weekend," Jeongguk said quietly. "You should have seen the look in his eyes."

"At first he was fine, but then by the end of the night he looked disgusted with us. Since then I find I don't talk to them as much because I'm scared if I actually tell him we're together and I'm gay that he'll tell me he doesn't want me to be his son anymore."

"And not talking to him is making that better?" Mark asked, knowing it had been a low blow, but hoping Jeongguk saw his point.

"It seems easier to ignore than to deal with it," the younger man admitted. "He'll find out eventually. I just thought I'd know when I was ready for him to do so."

"I don't think we're ever really ready for those conversations," Mark said gently. "At some point the words just come out and that's that. I won't deny that it's scary, but if you are scared he won't accept you, prolonging the pain just draws the pain out, it doesn't help it."

"I don't want him to not want to be my dad anymore," Jeongguk answered finally and if it hadn't been for the fact that Mark was sitting only a foot away from him, he wouldn't have heard him say it. 

"Come here," Mark replied softly in lieu of answering, pulling the younger man in.

"I know you are scared," Mark whispered into the younger's hair. "But right now, this secret is holding you back from loving each other the way you deserve, especially if Taehyung is already feeling like a dirty secret. It might hurt, but it will help you breathe too."

"You're right in that he might not accept you, but Jackson was right when he said earlier that there were so many of us who do love you guys that would be here for you. I know none of us can replace your parents, but you wouldn't be alone."

"But you don't know what he will say because you've never told him. He might not like it, but he might surprise you like Jackson's dad surprised us and he might come around. Jackson and I still don't kiss in front of his dad. But he supports us. We take what we can get."

"So what I am trying to say Kook, is that you have to let yourself love and live the way you want to, even if there are a few hiccups along the way. None of us deserve to hide who we are or who we love. Let yourself love openly okay?"

"Thank you," Mark heard Jeongguk whisper into the side of his neck, watching as the younger pulled back and deftly wiped at his eyes, smiling wetly at him before sniffing loudly. "And also, did I ever tell you the breakdown of everyone?"

"The what now?" Mark asked in confusion.

"The breakdown of our sexualities," Jeongguk huffed a laugh. "Jin and Hobi identify as straight, Jimin identifies as bisexual, Yoongi, Taehyung and I identify as gay and Namjoon says he doesn't feel comfortable with labels but love is love. That's why everyone was so supportive."

"Ah," Mark replied with understanding. "Makes sense. Our group is easier. Four straight, two gay and BamBam."

"And BamBam!" Jeongguk barked out a surprised laugh. "What does that even mean?"

"BamBam sleeps with everything that moves," Mark said with fondness and annoyance.

"One day he's straight, one day he's gay, one day he's wearing heels because 'gender is fluid Mark, don't constrain me!'" Mark said with a laugh as he shook his head. "I've learned to stop trying to put a label on it, I'm not sure what he is, but he's definitely open."

"That's funny," Jeongguk laughed, leaning back and turning his attention back to Tae, eyeing his chest again which Mark realized was his way of making sure his partner was alive which he hadn't noticed the younger doing earlier.

"Can I ask you something else?" Mark asked breaking the silence.

"Of course," Jeongguk hummed, not looking up.

"Why aren't you talking to your bandmates?" Mark asked cautiously, watching Jeongguk's face carefully to try and gauge a reaction, though the other man was conscious enough to keep his face neutral. "It feels like you are avoiding them."

"I..."

"You?"

"I'm not avoiding them," Jeongguk said weakly, avoiding Mark's gaze for long enough that Mark had to knock their knees together to get the younger man to look up at him again.

"That's a lie and you know it, Kooks. What's going on really?"

"Does it ever bother you when your bandmates get involved in your relationship?" Jeongguk asked, deflecting the question, though Mark had a sense it related to what he had asked in a roundabout way.

"Sometimes," Mark answered honestly. "But usually only when it comes to fights."

"Taehyung and I got into a fight the day of the accident," Jeongguk told Mark, his features hardening. "Everyone was on my ass about it as if I hadn't known that I had fucked up already and after practice Jimin kept texting me about it when I wanted to just get ready and go."

"Hobi asked me if I needed anything and I know he meant well, but at that point it was just getting annoying that everyone was getting involved when it had nothing to do with them you know?" Jeongguk asked, looking to Mark to see the understanding on his face before continuing.

"Tae and I truly rarely fight and they never last long so I just wanted to deal with it alone between me and Tae, but everyone kept pushing and then it was time to leave for the show and we still hadn't figured it out and then..."

"And then?" Mark pushed, frowning when he saw Jeongguk's posture change, barely restrained rage rolling under his skin.

"Then Namjoon and Jin separated us for the first time in almost three years," Jeongguk said coldly. "And 20 minutes later Taehyung was in an accident."

"Do you blame them?" Mark asked carefully, making sure to keep his tone and expression neutral, though he was shocked at the hostility in Jeongguk's tone.

"If they hadn't gotten involved I would have been in the second car with Tae and it would have been me who had gotten hurt."

"Jin involved himself in something he didn't need to and now he's lying in a hospital bed. He should never have even been in that car. I love them, I really do love them, but it should have been me. I wish it had been me..."

"You can't mean that," Mark said in half surprise and half something else, an emotion he was struggling to place.

"Do you ever hear drunk driving stories where the person who dies is the person in the other car and the driver who was drunk lives?"

"Erm, yeah?" Mark answered, his tone confused. "What does that have to do with this?"

"It feels like I'm the drunk driver who caused a fight between my partner and our friends and now everyone else is suffering when it should have been me. Why did I turn out okay?"

"But you're not okay," Mark noted, leaning forward and grabbing Jeongguk's hands. "You pushing your friends and family away, that's not you being okay. They love you and you love them. Kookie....I think you might be suffering from survivor's guilt."

"What's that?" Jeongguk asked and as he did, Mark watched as the fight deflated out of him.

"It's a mental condition when someone feels they've done something wrong by surviving a traumatic incident where other people get hurt. You think it should have been you right?"

"It should have!" Jeongguk protested, settling down when Mark shot him a look, throwing his hands up in the air in defence as he leaned away.

"Accidents happen Jeongguk, but they are never intentional, that's why they are called accidents. You guys were getting in a car and driving a few miles, it shouldn't have been a big deal."

"Yes you got into a fight with Taehyung before you went and yes you normally would have been in the same car, but you guys weren't the ones high on drugs who drove through a light. The driver could have made different choices too and didn't and he killed someone."

"You being upset because you think it should have been you in the car is you struggling with guilt for decisions that were made. That's not healthy Kooks. All of you could have probably done something differently that day, but it didn't work out that way."

"But beating yourself up, being mad at your friends and your family...that doesn't make the accident any less real. That doesn't bring Tae back. That just makes you sad, alone and scared. I know why you feel the way that you do, but you can't take responsibility for this."

"The only person at fault here is the man who injected drugs into his system, got into a truck and turned it on. No one else is responsible for anything to do with this accident beyond that, do you understand me?"

"Yes," Jeongguk conceded with a curt nod, looking down at his hands.

"I get why you are mad at Namjoon and Jin-hyung, it makes more sense to me now," Mark admitted. "But we have to go soon and I can't stay unfortunately to be here to help you. But your friends...your family. They are going to be here every step of the way and you need to let them help you."

"I just want him to wake up so badly," Jeongguk whimpered, face crumpling. "I hear what you are saying, but it's so hard to not be mad while I am perfectly fine and Tae is lying here, covered in casts and cuts and bruises and barely alive because his brain is swelling."

"I just need him to wake up and yell at me and then we can fix the fight and everything will be okay again," Jeongguk shouted, voice getting louder and louder. "I just need Tae to tell me he loves me one last time, that's all I want. Is that too much to ask for?"

"Jeongguk," Mark interrupted sternly, pulling the younger man up into a standing position and placing a hand on either of his biceps. "You're not okay right now, bud. You haven't been for a long time. This anger? This fear? This comes from more than just the fight."

"Tae is in a coma right now. You know where he is going to be and you know how he is every single day. But you? You aren't okay, at all. You should be leaning on your members right now, not pulling away because of your survivor's guilt."

"So I'm going to ask you to do something for me okay?"

"What's that?" Jeongguk asked weakly, his body shaking as he tried to keep himself composed.

"When I leave today, I need you to go talk to Angel and I need you to get her to get you some help, okay?"

"And when I mean help, I mean professional help. You have a lot of emotions right now and they are all colliding together and that's what is leading to this meltdown. So when I leave, I want you to tell Angel that you need someone to talk to and I need you to tell her why."

"And every day until Taehyung wakes up or he passes, I want you to go see that professional and I want you to tell them everything that's on your mind and I need you to not hold back okay? And then when he either wakes up or passes, I want you to still go."

"There is no shame in asking for help. You aren't weak Jeongguk. You are actually quite the opposite, you're so strong for dealing with all of this and trying to be considerate of other people's reactions. But you aren't okay and if Tae wakes up he's going to need you to be."

"So whether you like it or not, I need you to promise me that you will speak to a professional, if not for your sake, then for Taehyung's sake and for everyone else. Will you do that for me? Please?"

"Okay..." Jeongguk whispered in agreement after a long stretch of silence had passed, eyes misty with emotion.

"I...you're right, I do owe him that much," Jeongguk continued wetly, his voice thick with emotion and his cheeks damp. "But what do I do until that moment?"

"First you help yourself," Mark answered. "And then? Then we wait to see whether he wakes up."

"I can't thank you enough," Namjoon said a few hours later, the 11 men standing just inside the exit doors to the hospital. "We really appreciate you guys coming to support us. I know we haven't been the best friends over the last year, so thank you. You really helped."

"You don't have to thank us," Jaebeom chuckled fondly. "That's what friends are for. And anyways, we might not be on your level success why, but we do get what the industry is like, we know how hard it is to see each other, we could have tried harder too."

"We don't need to apologize to each other," Jimin said with a huff of laughter beside him. "Let's just all agree to be better, yeah? I had fun today, it was nice hanging out and goofing off. Even texting is better than nothing. Someone start a group chat."

"On it!" BamBam said with a mischievous glint in his eye. "One big ass group chat, coming right up."

"It's going to have the stupidest group name isn't it?" Namjoon asked quietly to those immediately around him, all sharing a laugh as they watched the younger typing away.

"I was expecting much worse," Jinyoung replied dryly a minute later when the group chat came across his phone screen, the chat titled "14 Big Ass Beautiful Bitches."

"We can change it, right?" Hobi asked cautiously, eyeing the name with distaste.

"In theory."

"He'll just change it back or make it something worse," Mark answered after seeing Hobi's confused expression. "He is very much a 'let's beat fire with more fire' type of person. So just know that going in, it makes handling him much easier."

"Oh Lord."

"I also wanted to say thank you," Jeongguk added, stepping forward so he was more visible. "It's been really nice having you all here and I'm especially grateful to Mark for what he said earlier. I'll try and be better while we wait to see whether....erm, yeah."

"And you remember what I said?" Mark said calmly, though his voice was stern as the two looked at each other, much to the confusion of the other 9 men.

"I promise," Jeongguk replied cryptically. "I won't let you down."

"Remember to do it for you, Kooks," Mark countered.

"This shouldn't be a task. You know why you need to and I really do think it will help you. I just want you to be okay again."

"Me too," Jeongguk replied quietly. "I don't think I'd go if I knew you weren't right about it. You said a lot of things today that really helped."

"Good," Mark said with finality, stepping forward and pulling the younger man into a tight embrace so he could whisper in his ear. "I'm proud of you Kooks. Call whenever okay?"

"Thank you," Jeongguk said as he stepped away, sniffling. "I'll let you know how it goes."

"Good. Now come here Jimin, give me a hug."

"You okay?" Namjoon asked Jeongguk a few minutes later after hugs were exchanged and the seven men had departed, the remaining four members turning back towards the elevators. 

"No," Jeongguk conceded. "But I'm going to try to be."

"Hey Angel?" Jeongguk called out as they got back to the ICU. "Can I talk to you?"

**Day 11:**  
"So Angel set me up an appointment with a therapist," Jeongguk told Taehyung as he sat down by his bed later the next day. "I think Mark was right, I think I need help babe."

**Day 12:**  
"So my appointment is with the therapist today," Jeongguk said after he finished his coffee, asking the other men for a few minutes to sit and talk to Taehyung alone. "I think I'm going to tell him everything. Angel said it's important to be honest with him."

"I haven't told the other guys yet, I'll go tell them after I tell you. I just can't help feeling angry all the time now that everyone is slowly waking up and you are still listed as being critical. I just need you to wake up babe, please? Come back to me Taehyung."

**Day 13:**  
"How was it?" Yoongi asked as Jeongguk sunk down into the chair beside his bed, dropping his head against the sheets and mewling until Yoongi started stroking his hair.

"Awful," Jeongguk muttered. "Emotions are stupid."

"Tell me about it," Yoongi pressed.

With a sigh, the younger man sat up enough to drop his head onto one hand supported by his elbow against the bed so he could look Yoongi in the eyes.

"We didn't even talk about the accident," Jeongguk huffed. "All he wanted to talk about was our fight and explore that."

"What did he say?"

"He said that my feelings towards the accident are being amplified by the fact that I don't feel like I was punished adequately for what happened that day and that I need to forgive myself for making Tannie sick before we can do anything else."

"Well he certainly seems content," Yoongi drawled, casting a look to the end of his bed where Tannie was curled up fast asleep. "So I'd say doc is right on that one."

"I still can't believe I forgot him," Jeongguk mumbled, frowning at said pup. "But I am happy he's okay."

**Day 14:**

"Namjoon?" Jeongguk interrupted quietly, his voice small and his posture curled in as he waited for the older man to look up from the book he was reading beside Jin's bed. 

"What's up Kooks?" Namjoon asked with a smile, his expression light.

"So you know how I've been going to therapy?" Jeongguk started awkwardly, bringing a hand up to scratch at the back of his neck.

"Mhmm," Namjoon hummed, smile growing. "And I know I've already said this, but I really am proud of you for going there Kookie. It's a good thing."

"Thanks," Jeongguk replied, cringing a little. "I...erm...well, doc? He...well he suggested it might benefit me to bring in some other people who I was having trouble with so I can try and...sort out my feelings? And make amends? I guess? Erm, yeah."

"Wait, are you and I having problems?" Namjoon asked in surprise, his face contorting to match his tone. 

"There's, erm, yeah there's some stuff I've been keeping from you," Jeongguk admitted. "I was hoping we could all talk so we can figure it out."

"Oh," Namjoon answered, his face falling as he tried to compose his features so as to not upset their maknae, though he was hurt by the realization all the same. "Of course I'll come to therapy with you if that's what you need Jeongguk. Anything for you okay?"

**Day 15:**

"Morning babe," Jeongguk hummed as he walked into the room, stopping to press a kiss to Taehyung's forehead and noting that the bruising on the left side of his face looked green at parts. 

"Looks like your face is starting to heal," Jeongguk added, sitting down.

"I went to therapy with Joon-hyung yesterday," Jeongguk told Taehyung. "Mark pointed out to me that it wasn't fair for me to be mad at him, but it was really hard not to be because it felt like he had caused this a little bit? But that's not true and I didn't know how to see that."

"I told him how I felt and he cried which made me feel awful, then I found out he also felt like it was his fault which made me feel even worse. When he said that I got so defensive on his behalf and then realized that if I was reacting like that, clearly I didn't blame him."

"Doc said I had been blaming hyung because I was already blaming myself for so many other things that it was easier to pass off the guilt then accept it on myself. He also told both of us that the person we needed to be mad at was the truck driver."

"He also said that forgiveness was really important. We talked a lot about the dynamics of the band and how many people were impacted by this accident. Hyung pointed out the fans who are struggling knowing you are hurt, but I said I couldn't think of that yet."

"He said some other things too, but knowing how hyung was struggling and keeping it to himself to protect me....I really love him Tae, he's such a good person. I told him I forgave him and he told me he forgave me too and it's amazing how much lighter I feel. Now wake up okay?"

**Day 18:**

"I hope Taehyung isn't going to be upset at me for losing all our money," Jeongguk said sardonically with a huff as he dropped his losing poker hand and pushed the money across the bed to Jin who was gleefully waiting for it, much to the amusement of everyone else sitting around them. "Cheater."

**Day 20:**

"So what exactly does that mean for Tae though?" Jeongguk pushed as the doctor finished updating them all on the changes in Taehyung's condition. "If you are downgrading his condition, does that mean he's going to wake up?"

"Not necessarily," Dr. Soo answered stoically. "We are no longer listing him as critical because his body is starting to heal and the swelling in his brain has come down a bit, but the brain is a fickle thing. Just because the swelling is gone, doesn't mean he'll wake up."

"That doesn't even make sense," Jeongguk huffed in frustration, throwing his hands up into the air. "If his brain isn't swollen anymore, why would he not wake up?"

"Because we chose to pull the glass out and clean the wound without cutting into his skull."

"There was a lot of glass that we had to pull out, but that means his brain has multiple cuts, not just one. We don't know what parts of his body are going to be impacted by those injuries. For all we know, there are too many cuts for the body to function."

"But what does that mean??"

"It means we won't know what functions have been impacted by the accident unless he wakes up and that's not a guarantee. The swelling going down is good, but it's not a promise that he'll wake up, I don't want you to get your hopes up."

"Fuck," Jeongguk cried, dropping to the ground beside Yoongi's bed and burying his face in his arms. "It's been three weeks already. Tae....wake up baby, please. Everything is awful when you aren't here."

**Day 22:**

"What's going on?" Jeongguk yelled, coming to a halt beside Hoseok and Jimin who were looking anxiously towards the room they had just been kicked out of. "I got here as fast as I could."

"We were just sitting with Yoongi," Jimin started, eyes filled with tears.

"Yoongi asked what that beeping noise was and when we looked around we realized he was right. We went to check on Taehyung and his heart rate was really high so we got Angel but as soon as she saw his vitals she freaked out and kicked us out. They won't let us go back in."

"What does that mean?" Namjoon asked from behind Jeongguk, having only been a few steps behind him as they had run back to ICU. 

"I...I don't know," Jimin sniffed, holding Hobi tighter. "But just before you got here Dr. Soo and a bunch of other doctor's went rushing in."

**Day 22 - Evening:**

"How is this possible?" Namjoon asked in shock, trying to digest the news Angel was sharing with them.

"His immune system is totally compromised right now," Angel told them gently. "With the amount of abrasions on his body, the stress of his injuries..."

"It's really no surprise that this happened. The doc says it's a viral infection likely carried in by a visitor. The fact that none of us are sick tells you that for a normal person, their immune fighters could suppress the infection."

"But Taehyung's immune system isn't strong enough right now to keep an infection at bay. His vitals were a bit higher yesterday, but nothing alarming so we thought it was his body reacting to his injuries. Turns out we were wrong."

"Can you stop it?" Jimin whispered, his voice tiny as he held onto Jeongguk and Namjoon, the four huddled together.

"We're trying," Angel said somberly. "We've given him a large dose of antibiotics, but he's on a lot of medicine right now, it's dangerous to overload him."

"There's nothing else we can give him right now that wouldn't make it worse," Angel continued. "We just have to monitor him closely and hope the infection doesn't spread to his brain which we are most concerned about."

"And if it does?" Jeongguk asked, mouth dry.

"If the infection reaches his brain," Angel said softly, her eyes pleading for Jeongguk to understand how badly she didn't want to say this. "He'd be dead within an hour."

**Day 24:**

"No changes?" Namjoon asked, placing a hand on Jeongguk's shoulder who was sitting just outside the ICU on a chair that had been set up for him, staring at the door inside.

"Nope," Jeongguk replied, popping the 'p.' "Infection is still too severe for anyone to go in."

"He's still not responding to the antibiotics?" 

"Nope," Jeongguk answered angrily, glaring at the security guards who had kept him out all eight times he had pleaded with them to let him in. "And they won't let me in to say goodbye."

**Day 25:**

"Anything?" Jimin asked hopefully, finding Jeongguk missing from bed despite the early hour and knowing where he would find him.

"Still dying," Jeongguk responded quietly. "So no."

**Day 27:**

"Jeongguk!" Jimin shouted, sliding around the corner and sprinting towards him and Namjoon, the pair sitting in the lunchroom after Namjoon finally managed to drag the younger away from the chair outside ICU two hours earlier, Jimin and Hobi replacing him on watch.

"What?!" Jeongguk shouted, standing up abruptly and spilling his coffee all across the table. "What is it? What's happened?"

"Come quick!" Jimin shouted, already turning back around. "It's Tae. Hurry!"

"What does that mean?" Jeongguk muttered under his breath, already running.

With a burst of speed, Jeongguk found himself sprinting down the halls, easily avoiding the attendants in the hallways who saw his crazed expression and moved out of the way, feet pumping and breaths coming in gasps as he rounded the corner and the ICU came into view.

Blasting through the doors, Jeongguk ignored the attendant at the desk, ignored the security guards who were pushing the door open, distantly registering Namjoon's feet thudding behind him as the two came screeching to a stop just inside the room, chests heaving.

As he caught his breath and managed to get one big puff of air into his lungs, Jeongguk registered the shared look on everyone's faces, turning to look at Taehyung's bed, taking a few seconds to process what he saw before dropping to his knees as he broke into pieces.

"Oh my God," Jeongguk cried, clasping a hand to his chest as his heart thudded in his ears, breaths coming in tiny gasps as he tried to force air into his lungs. "I can't....I can't breathe."

"Jeongguk," he could hear distantly, could faintly register people calling his name.

"I can't brea- oh my god," Jeongguk gasped, not registering hands clasping his arms and pulling him onto his side, not registering the increased noise around him, only thing he could hear being his own heart racing as it threatened to burst.

"What's wrong with him?" Jimin asked Angel, tears pouring down his cheeks as he watched her trying to get through to him.

"Severe panic attack," Angel answered shortly, turning her attention back to her patient. "Jeongguk, Jeongguk can you hear me?"

"Jeongguk, I need you to listen to my hun, I need you to breathe," Angel pleaded, the younger man's eyes clenched shut, blocking the outside world out. "Jeongguk, I need you to look at me, open your eyes sweetie, I need you to look at me so I can help you, I'm here okay?"

"It's not true," Jeongguk whimpered, tightening his fists in Angel's shirt which he had unconsciously grabbed when she had moved him. "Why is this happening to me?"

"Jeongguk," Angel pleaded again. "Jeongguk sweetie, I need you to breathe, in and out, in and out okay?"

"It's not real," Jeongguk cried, gasping for air as he spoke as he expelled the last of what was in his lungs. "It's not real."

"Jeongguk, open your eyes!" Angel said firmly, shocking the other man into compliance, his eyes blown wide as tears clouded his vision.

"Look at me," Angel instructed, cluing in to his reaction. "Good, now just look at me, it's just you and me okay sweetie? Good, now follow me, breathe in, good, now release. Okay good, let's do it again, breathe in. good, okay release. Okay, again, with me now."

"Why is this happening?" Jeongguk whimpered again, his eyes showcasing the fear and uncertainty coursing through his veins. "Why, why? Tell me why?"

"Jeongguk, stay with me," Angel told him sternly, watching as his eyes started to roll back into his head. "Focus on my voice."

"There we go," Angel said softer, Jeongguk's eyes snapping back to her own. "Jeongguk, one thing at a time okay sweetie? But for now I need you to breathe before you pass out, so I'm going to sit here and we are going to breathe together okay?"

"It's not fair," Jeongguk said between tears, trying to follow along with her instructions, trying to breathe around the weight pressing down on his chest. "Am I going crazy?"

"Shh, just breathe for now," Angel cooed, rubbing her hands along his arms. "In and out, there we go."

"One more time, breathe in, good, okay and now release, goood, okay let's go again, breathe in, okay and now release, there we go sweetie. You're doing good."

"I don't want to be here," Jeongguk cried, trying to stop the blockage in his throat. "Why? Tell me why?"

"Jeongguk, come back," Angel said loudly as the man's chest started to heave, his breaths coming faster and faster as he slipped back into another panic attack. "Jeongguk, stay with me sweetie."

"Jeongguk," Jimin shouted, his vision blurry. "Jeongguk, breathe!"

"Jeongguk!"

"Kookie, breathe."

"Kooks, baby, stop, you need to breathe."

"Guk, Guk you're scaring us, we need you to breathe!"

"It hurts," Jeongguk gasped out, clutching at his chest one more time. "Why is this happening? Why is my mind playing tricks on me?"

"Jeongguk, sweetie, you need to open your eyes."

"NO!" Jeongguk shouted. "I can't, I can't look at it, you can't make me."

"Jeongguk, I need you to open your eyes and look behind me."

"No, it's not real, this isn't happening, this isn't real, you're all lying to me! This can't be happening, why is this happening to me?"

"Jeongguk plea-"

"No!"

"B..ny?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So on a scale of one to ten, how mad at me are you and how excited are you for Friday??? Cannot wait to see people's reactions, please let me know what you think, it really means a lot to me when people leave their thoughts! Thanks so much and I hope you are still enjoying this story!
> 
> Come say hi on socials!! J x
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JessaJessJ) | [Tumblr](https://hobrerek.tumblr.com/) | [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/CrazyJWrites)


	8. Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just made myself teary reading this chapter and I am the one who wrote it! Tissue warning x

"O-o-o-oh my god," Jeongguk stammered out, eyes snapping up at the voice he hadn't heard in 27 days, breath stuttering in his chest as his panic attack ceased, shock restricting his lungs. "I-I-It's...no, this...this doesn't make sense? I'm going crazy right?"

"Jeongguk," Angel said quietly, her voice soft and gentle as she reached out. "Jeongguk, just look. Does it look fake?"

"I don't know what to believe," Jeongguk said, his entire body starting to quiver. "What if my mind is playing tricks on me?

"Jeongguk," Angel pleaded, motioning for the others to move closer. "Listen to your brothers, okay? No one is going to lie to you."

"Namjoon?" Jeongguk whimpered as the elder's face came into view as he sunk down into a crouch in front of him.

"Jeongguk, it's okay bud," Namjoon replied gently, reaching out and cupping his face. "Your mind isn't playing tricks, okay? I know why you might think that, but I need you to trust us."

"B-b-but...how?" Jeongguk begged, looking back at Angel. "This doesn't make sense."

"Jeongguk," Angel told him sternly, leaning back in front of him to capture his attention. "It doesn't matter right now. What matters is that your mind isn't playing tricks. This is real."

"It can't be," Jeongguk said quietly and then in the background he heard it.

"B..ny?"

"Taehyung?" Jeongguk whispered in awe, scrambling to his feet and pushing past Angel and Namjoon, taking a slow step forward and then another before suddenly he was running across the room, barely stopping in time to crash to his knees beside the bed, looking up. "Taehyung?"

".i b..ny," Taehyung said again, his throat raspy and his voice muffled, like he was struggling to get his words out, but the voice was undeniably his. "'ere."

"You're real," Jeongguk whispered again, slowly rising to his feet, reaching out and stopping just short of touching.

"'m 'ere" Taehyung mumbled, shakily raising his right hand, dropping it to the bed in exhaustion. "B..ny."

"Oh my god," Jeongguk said for the umpteenth time, slowly reaching forward to cup his partner's face, whimpering as he came into contact. "You're real."

"'m 'ere" Taehyung repeated, eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as he forced his eyes open to look at him. "B..ny."

"Tiger," Jeongguk said between sobs, eyes wide as tears poured down his cheeks, refusing to close his eyes despite his blurry vision in case Tae disappeared.

"I-I-I don't understand," Jeongguk said, looking around frantically and then back at his partner who's eyes were drooping closed. "Yesterday you told me he was dying!"

"Yesterday he was dying," Angel said empathetically, stepping over to stand by his side.

"None of us expected him to wake up," Angel continued. "I was checking his vitals because his brain activity was going haywire earlier this morning, we were worried the infection was reaching his brain. Scared the shit out of me when he opened his eyes."

"Baby," Jeongguk said softly, rubbing his thumbs across Taehyung's cheekbones. "Baby, you're awake."

"Mmm," Taehyung hummed in reply. "'s 't'r."

"So tired?" Jeongguk interpreted, watching as Taehyung nodded slowly in reply. 

"I need him awake," Angel muttered. "Keep talking."

"Baby, do you know where you are?" Jeongguk pushed, watching as Angel ran from the room.

"Hos...'al" Taehyung breathed out, eyes fluttering open and closed as he fought against the exhaustion pressing down on him.

"Do you...do you remember what happened?"

Instead of answering verbally, Taehyung simply shook his head, eyelashes resting on his cheeks as he stopped fighting.

"No Tiger," Jeongguk said as gently and yet sternly as he could. "Look at me baby, I just got you back, okay? Don't leave me yet."

"'eepy," Taehyung hummed, the word barely discernible as it slipped from his closed lips.

"I know Tiger," Jeongguk sniffed. "But your doctor wants to come make sure you are okay first, okay? So just a little bit longer and then you can get some sleep, okay?"

"Mm," Taehyung hummed, Jeongguk registering the noise of the door opening behind him and several pairs of feet rushing hurriedly across the room.

"It's true," Dr. Soo said in awe as he stopped alongside the bed, another doctor Jeongguk didn't recognize beside him.

"eepy," Taehyung repeated, fluttering his eyelashes to reveal his dark chocolate eyes, clouded from disuse, before they were sliding closed and his brows were furrowing from the brightness of the lights overhead. "Bri..."

"Someone dull the lights," Dr. Soo, ordered, turning around and gesturing at Hobi who was standing closest to the door to hit the switches, the room going dark except for the soft rays of sunlight peeking in from the edges of the thick curtains at the end of the room and the machines beeping softly.

"We're going to need you all to leave," Dr. Soo ordered as he continued speaking. "We're going to have to run a series of tests now that he's awake to make sure his body is actually fighting off the infection and to see the severity of the brain damage now that he can tell us."

"I-" Jeongguk started, knowing it would be useless to fight it, falling silent and instead looking down at his world who's face he was still cupping in his hands. "Okay."

Leaning forward, Jeongguk readjusted his weight so he was standing more sturdily. "Tae, baby?"

"Mm?"

"I have to leave now, okay? But I'll be back as soon as they let me okay? Will you wait for me baby?"

"Mm," Taehyung hummed, turning his head towards the sound of Jeongguk's voice and slowly forcing his eyes open until Jeungguk's face came into focus.

"I love you more than anything in this world, Taehyung," Jeongguk breathed, sniffling loudly as tears gathered at the base of his nose. "Thank you for coming back to me baby, I missed you so fucking much."

"'lo...you..." Taehyung replied, eyelids slipping shut. "mm.....y bunny."

**Day 28:**

"Hi baby," Jeongguk whispered as he slipped into the room, leaning down to press a lingering kiss against his sleeping partner's forehead, pulling away only to run a finger softly down his porcelain cheek. "My sleeping beauty."

"Mmm," Taehyung hummed, eyelashes fluttering against the tops of his cheeks, ultimately staying shut as he turned into his boyfriend's touch. "B...ny."

"Hi baby," Jeongguk repeated, settling down into the chair closest to the head of the bed and reaching out. "Morning."

"...im..." Taehyung asked after a moment, Jeongguk furrowing his brows as he tried to interpret.

"Oh! Time," Jeongguk repeated, piercing Taehyung's noises together. "It's 9:30 a.m. Not officially visiting hours, but they always let me in."

"Mmm," Taehyung responded, the gentle hum seemingly acting as his general noise of agreement, the doctor's having informed them all late last night that his ability to speak would likely need a speech therapist to improve, having been damaged in the crash.

"I love you," Jeongguk said as the silence settled on the two of them, the weight on his chest the lightest it had been since they had gotten to the hospital all those 28 days ago. "I still can't believe you are awake Tae. I feel like if I look away you'll disappear."

"'m 'ere," Taehyung let slip, turning his face towards him and then ever so slowly opening his eyes, eyelids fluttering as he fought to the surface of consciousness. "la....ou." 

"It's nice to hear you say that," Jeongguk replied with a sad smirk.

"I never realized how much I took you saying that for granted," he continued as he looked into the dark irises boring into him from the hospital bed. "A month ago I said my 'I love you's' so casually and now....now I realize their importance."

A brief silence settled over him as the two looked on at each other, both lost in thought before Taehyung cleared his throat to repeat himself. "la....ou."

"I love you too baby," Jeongguk whispered back, leaning forward and gingerly taking Tae's injured hand between his own.

"Can I ask you something?" Jeongguk asked, watching Tae carefully for signs of confusion or fear, though his partner looked calm as he watched him with a thoughtful expression, nodding in place of voicing his assent. "Do you remember anything? From the accident or that day?"

As he watched, Taehyung's expression shifted, slipping through various expressions of pain, though Jeongguk could sense that most of the pain was emotional more so than physical, especially knowing how much morphine Tae had been pumped with when he had woken up last night.

"...om..." Tae whispered, which Jeongguk took to mean 'some.' "H...rd."

"Hard because you don't want to think about it or hard because of the injury?"

"oth," Taehyung conceded. "...om.....ad.....an...."

"Some? Sad? Tannie?" Jeongguk asked, brows together.

"Oh," he added sadly a moment later, realizing what Taehyung had been saying. "Yes, you're right. You had been sad the day of the accident because Tan got sick after he got into a chocolate bar I left on the table, you're right. Good job remembering babe, doc said that's good."

"Mmm," Taehyung responded, eyelids slipping shut for a moment before they slid open and his gaze focused in on Jeongguk. "....el...me....om...'ng....'py."

"I don't know if I have many happy things to tell you baby," Jeongguk told his partner honestly.

"The last month has been really hard," Jeongguk admitted aloud. "They told me you weren't going to make it....I spent the last 28 days thinking that every day was going to be your last....that they were going to tell me that you had finally passed. It was awful."

"Sorry," Jeongguk amended, watching as Taehyung gulped and turned away slightly, his expression turning guilty. "Don't babe, why do you look like that? It's not like it was your fault the accident happened, you weren't driving that truck."

"You don't remember do you?"

Scared eyes peered back at him as Jeongguk settled into silence, having remembered belatedly that the doctor's had told them that Taehyung didn't appear to have any memories around the actual accident itself, his brain repressing the memories as they were likely too painful.

"Alright....something happy," Jeongguk started, more to himself as a distraction than for anything else. 

"I have one," he said some time later, still waffling on whether he should share it. "Though I'm honestly not sure how you are going to react."

"Mmm," Taehyung hummed, his eyes clearing as he waited. 

"Three years ago," Jeongguk started to say, stopping as he felt a wave of emotion crash down upon him, taking a moment to compose himself before he continued. "Three years ago yesterday I drew you for the first time."

"You came to my hotel room." he continued, sensing that his boyfriend hadn't figured out where he was going with this yet. "We were in Tokyo. You knocked on my door, it was almost 4 in the morning when you came. Your hair was mussed up on one side and your lips were chapped."

"Two of the buttons had come undone on your pajama shirt so it was slipping off your left shoulder a bit. You were wearing Shooky slippers because you love those things, you always said I had to wear the Tata slippers and you would wear my character's slippers."

"You were wearing the matching bracelets we had gotten two days earlier at a stall in Kyoto. There were small indentations in your hand where the bracelet had dug into your skin as you slept with your arm under the pillow like you always do."

"You even had sleep in the corners of your eyes and your eyes were hooded with exhaustion, but even still, with your messy hair, chapped lips and tired eyes....you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen."

"Don't look at me like that," he laughed when Taehyung's gaze softened, the older man licking his lips and allowing a soft smile to pull at the corner of his lips as he waited for Jeongguk to continue. "I'd do anything for you when you look at me with those eyes baby."

"That night...your eyes kind of looked like they do now. They were open wide and they were totally vulnerable. I swear I could see the entire milky way held in your beautiful brown eyes. You were looking at me like I was your entire world and I wanted you so bad."

"I was so scared," Jeongguk told Tae, moving his top hand to the elder's forearm and squeezing gently, conscious not to tighten his hold on his damaged hand. "It was six in the morning, that weird split between night and day and there you were standing in my front hall."

"All I could think as you were standing there, as I waited for you to tell me that you loved me or that you never wanted to see me again, was how badly I wanted to paint you in that moment. So many times when things are tough, I think of what you looked like that morning."

"I remember you tightening your hold on the picture and for half a second I thought you were going to scrunch it up," Jeongguk laughed humourlessly. "And then you walked past me and just placed it on the stand by the TV and just stood there for like two full minutes."

"You turned back to me," Jeongguk continued, eyes unfocused and missing the look of recognition that had crossed his partner's face. "You stepped closer and then you looked at me with your big doe eyes, emotion splashed all over your face. And then..."

"And then you told me you loved me," Jeongguk told him with a smile, his eyes welling up. "I was so happy that it took me a few seconds to process that I was just standing there staring at you like an idiot. So I snapped out of it and I told you I loved you too."

"You looked at me for a few seconds longer and then you stepped forward and you kissed me," Jeongguk recited. "And suddenly it felt like all the years we had spent orbiting around each other, waiting for this moment....it was like the stars had finally aligned."

"I kissed you back," Jeongguk carried on, unconsciously shifting closer to his partner who noted the movement with amused eyes. "You slipped your tongue past my lips and I remember thinking how many times I had imagined that exact scenario and how much better it was for real."

"You stepped closer so you were standing directly against me. I could feel your heat radiating between us. You put your hands on my hips and slipped your thumbs under my shirt and started rubbing circles there. I still remember the ghost of your fingers from that moment."

"I pushed you back towards the bed," Jeongguk said, eyes changing colour as they darkened. "You let me push you down onto the bed and cover you with my body. I crawled on top and trailed kisses all the way from your belly button up to your lips and then I just kissed you."

"I kissed you because it was our first kiss. I kissed you because I had been dreaming of it for literal years. I kissed you for all the times that you had been sad or hurt or in pain and I kissed you for all the times I had wanted you to do that for me."

"Then I kissed you because of all the times you had woken up beside me on planes or in cars and just nuzzled closer when you realized I was with you. I kissed you for all the times you came into practice with eyes shining brighter than any sun in any universe."

"I kissed you knowing that of all the men and women in the world, that you were seemingly in that moment choosing me and then I kissed you to let you know that I would never let you down and would always do everything in my power to protect you."

"When finally I had to pull away because I was so out of breath from the way you were looking at me and how absolutely fucking stunning you looked, I kissed you one more time before I asked you to be my boyfriend because I couldn't spend one more second without you being mine."

"And then you said yes and it was to this day probably the best moment of my entire life outside of you waking up last night and coming back to me," Jeongguk told Taehyung, shifting his gaze to his boyfriend's who was watching him carefully, his expression neutral.

"And when we told everyone we were together, they just said 'about time,'" Jeongguk laughed, enjoying the smile that half stretched across Tae's face. "And that was that. No questions. No judgement. No questioning. Just you and me, together at last."

"And if I ever die young and I get remembered for only one thing, I hope that I get remembered for loving you to the best of my abilities and for being the best partner you could need because you're my literal everything Kim Taehyung and I love you more than anything in the world."

"I hope that was happy enough for you," Jeongguk said between sniffles, wiping at the tears that were dotting his cheeks, avoiding Tae's gaze who was watching him with understanding. "Sorry I didn't mean to cry. I just can't believe you're actually awake."

"Bunny," Taehyung said softly, though with enough confidence to get the word out in it's entirety. "l....k.......me."

Looking up, Jeongguk realized that the look on his partner's face was one of understanding, hope blossoming in his chest as he wondered idly if Tae remembered.

Motioning for Jeongguk to move closer, the aforementioned shifted closer until Taehyung could reach out and gently run his bandaged hand down the slope of his cheek, though his motions were shaky and less than precise.

"Bunny."

"Yes baby?" Jeongguk asked quietly, too scared to break the delicate moment they were sharing, watching as Tae opened his mouth to speak, eyes never leaving each other. 

"...'py.....re......ar..........s....ry," Tae stammered, voice small, but loving. "la.....ou."

"Oh god," Jeongguk choked, squeezing Taehyung's arm as a sob wracked his chest. "Happy three year anniversary to you too baby. I love you so fucking much."

And as he stood to bring their lips together in a gentle kiss, he missed the look of shock on his father's face behind him.

"What's wrong?" Jeongguk asked in confusion as he pulled back, watching as Tae looked over his shoulder and his eyes widened, pulling farther back so he could angle his body towards where his partner was looking, only for the breath he was releasing to get caught in his chest.

"Oh shit," Jeongguk blurted as he processed what he was seeing, his mom and dad and Tae's parents all standing at the entry of the curtained off area, expressions ranging from surprise to confusion to something Jeongguk couldn't quite place. "Dad."

"Um," Jeongguk started as the silence started to stretch out, the tension palpable in the air. "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Kim. Erm...Mom. Uh....have...you all seen Taehyung since he woke up?"

"No," Mr. Kim answered slowly, his gaze shifting cautiously between Jeongguk and his father.

"Erm, I guess I should leave and let you guys spend some time with your son then," Jeongguk suggested, casting a look at Tae to see him already looking at him, both of their eyes wide as they frantically tried to think of how to handle this situation, though they both fell short.

"Or you could stay," Taehyung's father countered. "Since it seems like you have something to tell us."

"...re....ou.....ry?" a small voice asked behind him, Jeongguk turning to look at Tae's face which was split open and raw as he looked at his parents.

"Sorry baby?" Taehyung's mom asked, scrunching her nose cutely as she tried to piece together his noises.

"Are you angry?" Jeongguk repeated, reaching back instinctively to put his hand against Tae's and stepping closer to his partner. "Erm, how much of that did you hear?"

"Tokyo," Jeongguk's father said without feeling, the younger gulping audibly as he stared on at his father who's expression was completely closed off, especially knowing he had heard the entire story of the day they had gotten together.

"Ah."

"I don't really know what to say," Mr. Kim said awkwardly, cutting through the silence that had settled over the group once more.

"I....Dad," Jeongguk whimpered, frowning when his voice cracked and turning his face away from the group. 

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jeongguk's father repeated, his voice turning angry as he glared at his son. "Why didn't you tell us you were dating your bandmate?"

"You know why," Jeongguk replied quietly, face morphing into a split between fear and anger.

"I really don't think I do," his father countered, Jeongguk watching as his mother placed a gentle hand on her husband's forearm, though she didn't do or say anything further. "So please, explain."

"What do you want me to say?" Jeongguk asked, throwing his arms up exasperated.

"I want you to tell me why you lied to us for 3 years," his dad shouted, his voice loud in the enclosed space as everyone in the room stilled. "I want to know why my own son didn't tell his parents about his relationship."

"Because I'm gay dad!" Jeongguk shouted back. "I'm gay."

"You've never supported gay people," Jeongguk continued angrily, now that he had started speaking, the words easier to release. "You always make comments about gay people, little jabs here and there, and then stare at me like you are daring me to say something about it."

"I don't think I've ever heard you say a good thing about gay people in my entire life," Jeongguk spat, his breaths coming in short gasps, though he was centering himself on Taehyung's touch as he squeezed their hands together beside him. "How could I tell you when you'd-"

"When I'd what?" his father asked lowly, his expression cut off again. "Tell me Jeongguk, when I'd what?"

"I didn't want to tell you because I don't want you to not be my dad anymore," Jeongguk whispered, his voice barely slipping through his lips. "I don't want you to hate me."

"B...ny," Jeongguk heard Tae say beside him, tugging gently at their hands, though he refused to look over, knowing he'd start to cry if he did and not wanting his father to see. 

"Why do you think so low of me?" Jeongguk's father asked finally, catching them all by surprise.

"What?" Jeongguk asked, brows furrowing as he looked up at his father who's expression had shifted from anger to something that Jeongguk couldn't decipher. "I'm sorry?"

"Do you really think that I wouldn't want you to my son anymore because you are gay?"

"How could I think anything else?" Jeongguk replied quietly, his voice wavering. "You've never once said anything nice about people in the gay community and that includes me, Dad. I'm one of those people. I'm not just kind of gay, like...I'm gay, gay Dad. I always have been."

"I love you and mom so much....but I love Tae more," Jeongguk carried on, turning to look at his partner who he realized had tears in his eyes, the two knowing they had to have this conversation eventually, but not knowing that it would have been now, the first day Taehyung was awake.

"Tae...he's my everything," Jeongguk said softly, reaching out and wiping a tear that slipped down his partner's cheek. "I felt like I had to choose between you and mom or him and I can't do that. I don't want you to hate me, but I won't leave Tae. He's everything to me."

"And I'm sorry Mr. and Mrs. Kim for not telling you either. I don't think you realize how scary it is to - fuck."

"Jeongguk," he heard his mother calling as tears started to blur his vision and his breath started to build up in his chest to the point he couldn't get any air in.

"I'm sorry," Jeongguk cried, tears streaming down his face as he thought of how this conversation was getting in the way of Tae seeing his parents for the first time in a month, how his dad had been staring at him like he was another person, how everyone else had been silent.

"I'm sorry," he repeated through his tears, feeling arms wrap around him as he cried. "I d-d-don't w-w-want you all to h-h-hate us for b-b-being in lo.....in love. I'm so-so-sorry."

"Jeongguk," a voice said gruffly, Jeongguk not processing for a few seconds before stilling.

"Dad?" Jeongguk whispered in shock as he pulled back and realized his face had been buried in his father's chest, his arms still around him. "Dad??"

"Jeongguk, stop getting ahead of yourself," his father stated, staring him in the eye, though his expression was still closed.

"Dad, you hate gay people," Jeongguk said in shock, his eyes wide. "Why are you hugging me? I'm....Dad I'm one of them."

"Jeongguk, you're my son," his father replied fiercely, his expression shifting as his composure cracked and Jeongguk saw the pain on his face.

"Dad, why are you looking at me like that?" Jeongguk asked suddenly, looking back and forth between his father and his mother who had stepped closer, but was still out of the way a bit behind them, Tae's parents hugging at the base of the bed.

"I've failed you," Jeongguk's father said finally, his voice hoarse with emotion, turning to look at Taehyung. "I've failed both of you. I'm sorry son."

"I...what?" Jeongguk asked, tears trailing down his cheeks. "I...I don't understand."

"Jeongguk. Taehyung. Will you allow me to explain myself?"

"Uh, what?" Jeongguk repeated dumbly, his dad stepping back, Jeongguk turning to look at Taehyung who had a matching dumbfounded expression on his face, both men nodding mutely in agreement.

"You have to understand," Jeongguk's father started, looking at Taehyung's parents for support who nodded their heads. "Your mom and I...Taehyung's parents, we grew up in a different time. A different world. We were told that being anything less than straight was wrong."

"But?" Jeongguk pushed as his father trailed off into silence, his expression turning to guilt which further confused him more, the conversation having taken a drastic turn from what he had expected.

"Sorry, I'm not good with words," his father muttered.

"Jeongguk...I've known you were gay," Jeongguk's father started once more. "For a long time. The way you look at Taehyung, it's not...normal."

"Yeah," Jeongguk whispered, gulping down the pain that phrase caused. "Yeah."

"I've only known being gay as being a sin."

"I don't...how do I say this?" his father asked himself, sighing loudly. "I was always told being gay is wrong. I grew up like that. It's hard to understand....it. The being gay thing. My parents taught me that a man belongs with a woman and that was that."

"I never considered anything else, so when I saw gay people on TV I had a negative reaction because I was taught to have a negative reaction. It didn't make sense to me. How could a man love another man? So you are right, I did used to say negative things about gay people."

"But when you were just a kid...I saw the way you looked at Taehyung. I knew. Your mom knew. I just...I didn't know what to do about it. I thought I might have failed you."

"Fuck," Jeongguk whispered under his breath, tightening his hold on Taehyung. "Wow."

"I thought," Jeongguk's father stopped, taking a deep breath and steeling himself for what he was about to say. "I thought it might have been a phase, so I never brought it up. I didn't agree with it, but I figured it would pass."

"It's not a phase Dad," Jeongguk whispered. "We're not broken."

"Let me finish please," his father cautioned, waiting for Jeongguk to nod before he continued. "When you first started hanging out with Taehyung, I didn't know what to do. It felt wrong to me."

"But as time passed, I realized it wasn't a phase," he continued. "I realized that you were just gay. And for a long time I hated it."

Closing his eyes, Jeongguk took a few deep breaths, steadying himself on the feel of Taehyung's hand in his own before looking back at his dad.

"I was scared that you being gay would ruin your career. But...I was also worried that you being gay would ruin our family name."

"I...yeah," Jeongguk sniffled, his face breaking, though he couldn't continue around the blockage in his throat, having felt some of this before.

"You pulled away from me and I knew it was because you knew my feelings on being gay so I stopped talking about it. I went silent when gay people were portrayed on screen, kept my thoughts to myself. But I know you saw it. I always knew that you knew."

"And then, around 3 years ago, you called your mother and I and I had never seen you so happy," his father carried on, the tone of his voice shifting, somehow softer than before. "And I knew that it meant that you two were together."

"I remember that call," Jeongguk whispered.

"I realized I had a choice. I could either walk away from you, or accept it. Both seemed like terrible choices."

"Yeah. I know."

"So instead I went silent. I waited. I thought you'd come to me. Tell me yourself."

"But how could I?" Jeongguk asked. "When I knew how you felt?"

"When you and Taehyung came to visit, about a year ago," his father answered. "Taehyung mentioned an actor he liked, one that I knew was gay. I thought if I brought it up you might open up. But instead you pulled farther away."

"I thought you were testing me." Jeongguk admitted.

"I think I was," his father admitted back. "I knew it was happening, but I both hated it and wanted you to tell me yourself. For years you've pushed me away, but I can't say I blame you. I've been a horrible father."

"You're not a bad dad," Jeongguk replied. "You're not."

"I am though," his fathered countered. "When it comes to this I am. My own son doesn't feel comfortable around his father because I never told you how I felt. I was wrong Jeongguk. And Taehyung. I'm sorry."

"Wrong about what?" Jeongguk asked, swiping at the tears on his lashes.

"Jeongguk. I...I can't say I get it," his father said gruffly, looking his son dead in the eye. "You being gay...it makes me uncomfortable. I don't understand it and I'll probably say the wrong thing every once and awhile."

"But?" Jeongguk asked, voice small.

"But you are my son. I will do my best to support you. Even though you are gay, you are not broken. I realize that now. Seeing the way you are around Taehyung. Seeing how happy you are. Why shouldn't you have that?"

"So what are you saying Dad?" Jeongguk asked timidly.

"I'm saying that even if I don't like it, even though it makes me uncomfortable, you mean more to me than the way you being gay makes me feel. I love you Jeon Jeongguk and I support you. I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me for my ignorance."

"You really mean that?" Jeongguk asked between sobs, tears streaming down his face as he waited for confirmation.

"It won't be perfect," his father admitted. "But I will at least try. You are my son."

"Mom?" Jeongguk whimpered.

"You are our son, Jeongguk. We will both try."

"You have our support as well," Mr. Kim added, stepping closer to the bed with his wife and placing a comforting hand on his son's foot. "We are more understanding than your parents Jeongguk, but we get it also. Taehyung, we love you son. All of you."

"...n.....'m....ay?" Taehyung stuttered out, his voice shaking as he started to cry.

"Even though you are gay," his Dad confirmed, easily understanding his son's words, as muffled as they were. "After this last month, I'd accept anything you told me son. You're alive."

"Yeah," Taehyung and Jeongguk hummed at the same time, one verbally and one not. 

"I love you son," his father continued, stepping around to the head of the bed with Taehyung's mother, bursting into tears as he hugged his son. "I'm so happy you are alive baby boy. We love you."

"Son," Jeongguk's father called a few minutes later as the three Jeon's watched the embrace continue between the three Kim's, all three crying profusely. 

"Yeah Dad?" Jeongguk answered, pulling his gaze away to meet his father's.

"We should give them all some space," he started quietly. "But I think there's more we need to talk about still. Would you do me the honour of going for dinner with me? I'd like to talk to my son. For real this time. About everything."

"I'd like that," Jeongguk admitted between tears, knowing it would take more than a dinner to mend their relationship, but grateful that there was still a relationship to mend. "That would be really nice Dad."

"B...ny," a voice called, breaking Jeongguk's focus.

"Yes baby?" Jeongguk asked, stepping towards the bed and leaning down so he was closer to his partner. 

"la.....ou," Taehyung whispered into the shared space. "W-w-w-we......id.....it,"

"Yeah, we did," Jeongguk said with a wet smile as a laugh escaped his chest.

"Three years of hiding from our parents and now they know. It seems to surreal," Jeongguk admitted, leaning their foreheads together. "Even if it had gone badly, you know I would have always chosen you....right?"

"Yes," Taehyung said firmly, though slowly. "la....ou."

"I love you more than anything in this world Kim Taehyung," Jeongguk breathed into Taehyung's lips as he leaned forward and captured them in a heartfelt kiss. "I'll be back soon okay?"

"..o" Taehyung motioned, smiling softly. "..e....'py."

"If I have you, I'll always be happy," Jeongguk smiled, placing another kiss on his lips as he pulled away, never breaking their gaze. "Have fun with your parents baby, I love you. I'll see you when I get back."

As he pulled away, waving goodbye shyly as he followed his parents out of the room, noting the shocked expressions on everyone's faces as they came out of the room, Jeongguk smiled with his whole being, feeling lighter than he had in years. He was free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They did it!!!! Even though these are fictional interpretations of people, I am still so gosh darn proud of them!! This chapter was sort of based off my own experience? I am bisexual and I was always terrified to tell my Dad. My Dad is like my best friend but he's always made comments about gay people and I was terrified of what he would think, even though we are so close. When I finally worked up the courage to tell him, he told me he would never love me any less tomorrow than he did today just because I was bisexual and that he might not always say the right thing, but he would do his best. So Jeongguk's father is based off my Dad a little bit, except my Dad isn't as gruff haha
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter, there's only the epilogue left on Sunday and then that's it!! I do have another TaeKook fic I somewhat abandoned because of school that I'll be going back to soon, so check that out if you want and if you want requests or want to follow some of my other stories across different fandoms, check out my socials!
> 
> Much love to all! Jessa x
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JessaJessJ) | [Tumblr](https://hobrerek.tumblr.com/) | [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/CrazyJWrites)


	9. Epilogue

**Day 29:**  
"Morning everyone," Jeongguk greeted as he slipped into the room, all six men turning his direction as a silence settled around them. 

"You look....happy," Jimin said cautiously as he watched him, noting the smile on his friend's face. "You look good Kookie."

"I feel good," Jeongguk admitted. "The love of my life is awake, Yoongi and Jin are awake and healing, I learned we have some wonderful friends who really care about us. I'm in therapy. Tae and I's parents know we're gay and together now. Lots to be happy about."

"So it went well last night?" Namjoon asked, rising from his seat and walking towards the younger man. "I figured so when you didn't come back to the room."

"Sorry about that," Jeongguk replied sheepishly as he stepped into the elder’s arms. "We went for dinner and then we went back to their hotel to keep talking."

"How did it go?"

"It was tough," Jeongguk admitted, shrugging casually. "They said a lot of things I didn't want to hear and I said a lot of things I think they didn't want to hear, but their my parents and they love me and that's more than some people get, so I'm okay."

"So you just talked?" Jin asked from his bed and as Jeongguk looked over he startled as he realized that the white bandages on his head were gone.

"Jin! Your head!" Jeongguk exclaimed, ignoring the question and stepping forward to look at him closer. "Whoa..."

"You say that like I'm some sort of lab rat," Jin muttered under his breath, though Jeongguk knew he wasn't serious when the man started to purr as he ran his fingers over the elder's scalp.

"This is so fucking weird," Jeongguk laughed in disbelief. "You look like you're 40!"

"Excuse you, you insolent brat!" Jin shouted as Jeongguk danced out of his reach, a huge smile spread across his cheeks as his body rocked with laughter, the room joining in as he ran to Taehyung's bed and came up short as he looked at his partner with a considering expression.

"Huh," Jeongguk managed to say some time later, walking to the left side of the bed to stare at this partner and then walking to the right side, eyeing Taehyung carefully before repeating his motions, Taehyung watching him from the bed with an amused smirk.

"...ou....kay?" Taehyung mumbled, his voice full of laughter and warmth which Jeongguk had missed dearly over the last 29 days.

"I mean, if you look at your head from this side, you look totally normal," Jeongguk noted, walking back to the left side of the bed.

"But if you go to this side," he continued. "You kind of look like if someone had shaved off one half of your Mattel dolls hair and then tried to colour it back in with crayon."

"Oh my God," Jimin snorted from beside him, laughs escaping through the hand covering his mouth.

"You're right!" he added, laughs turning into snorts. "I can't believe you just told your boyfriend he looks like a half shaved Ken doll."

"He does!" Jeongguk defended, winking at Taehyung when he felt more than saw the glare that he was sending his way. "Sorry babe."

"...al.....t.......urs...," Taehyung muttered much to Jeongguk's amusement. "....eed.......ver."

"What did he say?" Jimin asked with a frown, looking at Jeongguk for the answer.

"He said to call the nurse," Jeongguk translated with a smile. "And that he needs a shaver."

**Day 30:**

"When was the last time I left the hospital?" Jeongguk translated, waiting for Taehyung to nod in agreement, his scalp shining under the fluorescent hospital lights. "Erm....outside of last night you mean?"

"Hey! Don't look at me like that," Jeongguk said petulantly, crossing his arms over his chest which only caused Taehyung to raise his eyebrow higher, his face almost completely healed by now, the bruising having nearly faded. "I wasn't going to leave you!"

"....o.....me," Taehyung replied sternly. "....ke.......nie."

"I can't leave Tannie alone at home!" Jeongguk defended, looking at the pup who was nuzzled into Taehyung's uninjured side. "He needs to be with his father."

"...e.....ill....e.....ou!" 

"Wow, no love I see!"

**Day 35:**

"Wow," Jeongguk said aloud as he picked up Taehyung's recently unbandaged hand and flipped it over within his own, marveling at the skin under his fingertips. "I for some reason imagined much worse. It just looks...."

"...nk." Taehyung finished for him.

"Yeah, it just looks pink," Jeongguk agreed, looking up to meet Taehyung's gaze. "Does it hurt?"

"No," Taehyung hummed, smiling proudly when he managed to get the full word out on his own.

"Good job babe," Jeongguk smiled, leaning forward and kissing him. "You're doing great."

**Day 42:**

"You okay?" Namjoon asked Jin who was at that exact second glaring down at the cast on his right leg.

"My leg is itchy," Jin said with disgust. "And I can't reach it. Be a good boy, go get that coat hanger from Angel, I'm dying over here!"

**Day 50:**

"Whoa!" Jimin said in surprise as he watched Angel unwrapping the bandages on Yoongi's hands, his own hands gently rubbing along the aforementioned's arms who was staring pensively down at his fingers. "That's so weird."

"They healed really nicely," Angel admitted.

"I'm super happy to be seeing this colour on the skin," she continued. "You can see where your skin is raised from where we did the skin graft, but everything looks great overall. Let's get some lotion on your skin so it doesn't crack in the open air, okay?"

"Will it always look like that?" Jimin asked, looking to Yoongi for permission before reaching down and gently placing his hands under Yoongi's, the former still hesitant to move his fingers. 

"Yes, but we can pursue plastic surgery down the road if Yoongi's wants."

"Can you move your fingers?" Angel questioned, smiling encouragingly down at him until Yoongi slowly started to wiggle each digit individually. "Any pain?"

"A bit," Yoongi said weakly. "But I think that's more from lack of use."

"Most likely," Angel conceded.

"Would you want plastic surgery?" Jimin asked his friend a minute later, smiling when the older man slid his fingers through his own until their hands were interlaced. 

"No," Yoongi said in awe, staring down at their combined grasp. "As long as they can play, I'll be okay."

**Day 60:**

"You excited babe?" Jeongguk asked Tae who was staring at the saw in Dr. Soo's hand with great distaste.

"....erm," Taehyung hummed, brows furrowing. "I......nno."

"You have nothing to be worried about," Dr. Soo said with a gentle laugh. "It looks worse than it is."

"Not true!" Jin mouthed over the doctor's shoulder, eyes still wide as he stared down at his freshly revealed leg and the scars running up and down. "That thing is terrifying."

"Ready?" Dr. Soo asked.

"...erm?" Tae hummed, just as the saw whirred to life. **WHIRRRRRR.**

**Day 61:**

"I think I preferred having a cast on," Jin huffed, breaths coming in little gasps as he glared at the two men on either side of him, Namjoon laughing quietly in the corner.

"Physio is good for you, Jin!" Namjoon called from the other side of the room. "They're helping!"

"I don't know about that," Jin muttered, awkwardly standing to his feet with assistance and placing his weight back on his right leg, crying out dramatically as all his muscles tensed simultaneously. "Pretty sure you two are trying to kill me!"

**Day 65:**

"Have I always had this big of a head?" Yoongi asked Jimin incredulously, the latter who was trying desperately to keep his laughter muffled in his cheeks as he held Yoongi's face between his hands. "My neck feels like it's supporting a fucking bowling ball!"

“It’s all the genius you’ve got inside there that’s weighing you down, hyung,” Hobi giggles from where he sat beside Jin’s bed, laughing harder at the incredulous look the elder sent his way.

**Day 70:**

"W-w-w-w.....hir," Taehyung breathed, Jeongguk looking up from his conversation with Yugyeom to stare at his boyfriend in surprise. 

"Whir what now?"

"W...or........st."

"What's the worst?"

"Th-th-th.......er....a.....p-p-py."

"I feel that," Jeongguk laughed, looking back down at his phone to continue his message and missing the look Taehyung shot his direction. "You'll be fine, buttercup."

"W-w-w...or....st....oy....fr.....end....ver," Taehyung retorted.

"Mhmm," Jeongguk hummed. "Whatever you say!"

**Day 80:**

"Everyone, look!" Jin shouted as he hobbled into the room on his own two feet. "Your king has arrived!"

"Jesus," Hobi laughed from where he was playing cards with Yoongi. "I didn't miss that part."

"Tell me about it," Namjoon sighed. "Good luck to us all."

**Day 81:**

"Everything is awful and I hate all of you," Yoongi bemoaned, dropping back into his bed and laying back, placing one arm over his eyes and wincing audibly.

"Hello to you too," Jimin said in amusement, he and Hobi exchanging an amused look.

"Why are necks so weak?"

"I don't know if that's an all necks thing, or a you neck thing," Jimin teased, easily dodging the lazy kick Yoongi threw his direction.

"Therapy is the fucking worst!"

"Amen!" Jin and Taehyung shouted in agreement, one more clearly than the other. "We agree."

**Day 90:**

"Right on track," Jin said happily as the other four walking members stood around him, Taehyung and Yoongi watching from their beds as Jin made his hospital bed and patted it gently.

"You excited?" Namjoon asked, throwing Jin's bag over his shoulder.

"You say that like I won't be back tomorrow to visit everyone," Jin retorted with an exaggerated shake of his head. 

"You know what I mean," Namjoon scolded.

"Honestly?" Jin asked, looking around. "I've never been happier to sit in a hospital chair in my life."

**Day 100:**

"How are you feeling babe?" Jeongguk asked as he bent down, placing a kiss on his partner's lips and smiling as he felt fingers slip into the hair at the back of his neck and hold him in place. "Mmm, love you too babe."

"G-g....ood," Taehyung stammered. "Fe..el...good."

“You taste good, too,” Jeongguk hummed, deepening the kiss. “Feels so good to kiss you again.”

**Day 105:**

"You know I'm getting really sick of this hospital," Yoongi told Jimin, the latter who was sitting at the end of his bed with his feet tucked underneath him.

"Well if you spent as much time exercising as you do complaining, maybe you'd be out by now!"

"Honestly, why am I even friends with you?" Yoongi countered, scowling as he crossed his arms over his chest, neck twinging lightly. 

"Because you love me and I'm your favourite," Jimin said with a smile just as Jeongguk entered with ice creams. "And because I got you cherry!"

**Day 120:**

"Well Yoongi," Dr. Soo started, flipping through his charts and then looking up with a fond smile. "After everything I've seen from you today and from your results in therapy over the last few months, I think it's time to give you the all clear."

"I get to go home?" Yoongi asked hopefully, sharing a smile with Jimin who was on his left.

"Min Yoongi, be free," Dr. Soo said softly with a smile. "I'll see you in the visitor's room, yeah?"

"Yeah," Yoongi replied, voice thick with emotion. "Sounds good doc."

**Day 150:**

"Hi Kooks," Taehyung smiled as he watched his boyfriend enter the physio studio in the mirror in front of him.

"Hey babe, you're looking good!"

"Feels...good," Taehyung replied slowly. "It...s....get...ting....ea....sier."

"Keep pushing babe. Love you."

"I love you too," Taehyung hummed, the one phrase he no longer struggled with. "S-s-stay.....and.....w-wa....tch?"

"Sure!" Jeongguk smiled, settling down with his phone. "Let me know when you need me. We can practice your stretches for when we go home."

**Day 160:**

"How's he doing doc?" Jeongguk asked, slipping out of the room after Taehyung had fallen asleep and closing the door quietly.

"Honestly Jeongguk," Dr. Soo started, looking up from his paperwork. "For someone who should be dead, he's doing incredible."

**Day 175:**

"Did...you....h-h-ear...th-th...at?" Taehyung said with a wide smile, wiggling in his bed excitedly.

"Yes, I did," Jeongguk replied with a laugh, sharing a look with the other five who were all visiting that day. "I think that's great news babe. Not much longer."

**Day 182:**

"Are you ready?" Jeongguk asked, his arm slipping around his partner's waist, both sets of parents and their five other members standing around them as they stood at the door to the hospital, the paparazzi visible just outside.

"Yeah," Taehyung hummed, looking around at everyone and down at Tannie, his leash held in his right hand. "It's...been a l-l-ong...time....com...ing."

"Yeah it has," Jeongguk smiled. "Six months exactly. But now? Now it's time we go home."

"I love you Jeon Jeongguk," Taehyung hummed, no interruptions or pauses in his speech.

"I love you too Kim Taehyung," Jeongguk said with pride as they started to walk forward, everyone else falling into place behind them. "Always and forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s....over??? 😭😭😭
> 
> I can’t believe this story is coming to a close for a second time! Writing this story the first time on Twitter was a fun and challenging process and I’m grateful for giving myself the opportunity to go back and clean it up and make it just that little bit extra special. Having so many people interacting has been a blessing and I am grateful for all the commenters, silent readers and really anyone who willingly gave this story a chance. I hope it was a worthy choice and that you enjoyed the journey we all went on. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this final chapter and I hope you continue to stick around for other fics. Like I mentioned last chapter, I’ll probably be switching back to my other TaeKook fic and I also have a few social media AUs and other AO3 stories planned. And if you are a multi like me, make sure to watch out since I’ll be fandom hopping quite a lot in the future here.
> 
> Wishing you all my best, thank you for being part of this journey. Love to all xo
> 
> Come say hi on socials, all my best! J x
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JessaJessJ) | [Tumblr](https://hobrerek.tumblr.com/) | [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/CrazyJWrites)


End file.
